Three more of these…
For years, whenever I mentioned Five Guys to someone from the mid-west, they'd counter with Steak n' Shake, telling me that chain had the best burgers, the best fries and especially the best milk shakes. And I'll say this for the shakes: I gave up ice cream and other sweets a few years ago, not for health reasons but because I suddenly lost my taste for that kind of food. Things I loved years ago are now just too, too sweet for me. But if I was attracted to a milk shake, it would be the ones I've seen served in this chain. Boy, they look delicious by my old standards of "delicious."
The hamburgers (they call them "steakburgers") are pretty good and the fries are, well, okay. I like that most of their locations seem to be open 24 hours and the two I've been to, both of which looked like the malt shop in a 50's teen sitcom, were fun, friendly places. They were both in Indiana, by the way, which is where the company is based. Unlike a certain chain I could mention after I cover Quiznos, Steak n' Shake is now venturing out of its native area. There's one in Las Vegas and another is about to open out on the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica. I have friends from the mid-west who can't wait…and if I'm in the neighborhood and there's no Five Guys around, you might even see me there.
I get the idea that Quiznos was supposed to be the go-to place for folks who felt there was something a bit tacky about getting your sandwich at a Subway outlet. First time I went to one, I found the place comfier and classier…but I didn't like what I ate as much. I'm not head over heels about Subway but I actually liked Quiznos less. Of course, I'm not their target customer because I don't like a lot of cheese and garnishes and lettuce and tomato on my sandwiches. So I'll just tell my one silly Quiznos story…
It was in San Francisco during a WonderCon. I ducked out between panels for lunch and a Quiznos seemed like my quickest option. I ordered a tuna sandwich with nothing on it and as is my custom, made the words "nothing on it" very distinct and forceful. The sandwich maker repeated, "Tuna sandwich with nothing on it" and proceeded to make me one with cheese, tomato, lettuce and some sort of special dressing.
I pointed out his error and he apologized and began picking ingredients off it. But since he wasn't going to get the dressing off, I asked him to make me a new one from scratch, which he grudgingly did. He dutifully made me a tuna sandwich with cheese, tomato, lettuce and the same special dressing.
"With nothing on it," I repeated loudly. He winced, slapped himself and commenced making a third one. "Force of habit," he muttered as he made the new sandwich. I kept repeating, "Nothing on it" as he reached for the lettuce, reached for the tomato, etc. I finally got what I wanted…and by the way, I don't know how the sandwich would have been with all those things on it but it was pretty bland without them.
Just before he handed it to me, he said, "Sorry…you get in a rhythm of doing things a certain way and sometimes, your muscles just do those things before the brain can stop them." I told him I understood and asked him just how long he'd been making tuna sandwiches here at Quiznos. He thought for a second and told me, "Next Monday will be two weeks."
In an odd way, I like the fact that the White Castle folks stubbornly refuse to venture outside their home turf: Illinois, New York, Indiana, Kentucky, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, New Jersey, Ohio, Tennessee and Wisconsin. They've reportedly been offered zillions and always refused.
Years ago, I met a man who was putting together the food court for a new Las Vegas mega-resort. He told me that among its offerings would be White Castle and I asked him, "Gee, how'd you convince them to open one out here?" He grinned and with a soupçon of Godfather in his manner, told me he hadn't convinced them yet but they were going to comply. I'm not sure he meant they were going to make them a financial offer they couldn't refuse or if he had threats in mind.
"Mark my words," he told me. "When we open, there will be a White Castle there." When they opened, there wasn't. There still isn't.
When I'm in a state that does have White Castles, I drop by for what some people wrongly call hamburgers. "Slider" is a much better term. I order a couple of the Double Original Sliders, toss the middle piece of bun and the pickle, then apply ketchup.
I also usually get one of their chicken sliders, also sans cheese, and they always act like I'm the first person in a long time to order one of those. One time, the way the counterperson talked, I was afraid they were going to go out back and kill an entire chicken just to make me my one Slider.
And in the morning, I like the Breakfast Sliders with Bacon, Egg and Cheese, except I ask for them without the cheese. Getting a couple of them made that way is a lot like getting the guy at Quiznos to leave the extra stuff off your tuna sandwich.
I'm not sure what I like about White Castle but it's not the food. Their sliders aren't as wonderful as the burgers at that Steak n' Shake a few blocks away. The fries are eh. I think what I like is that the stores are unique. No other place I ever go to get anything vaguely resembling a burger resembles a White Castle. It's like being part of a special club that features different but completely familiar cuisine. Also, eating a White Castle Slider, I always feel like I'm ten years old and I'm playing with my food.
I should probably wish they had a couple in Los Angeles but like I said, I like the fact that no one can make the company do what it doesn't want to do. Not even Don Corleone.
Next time we do this: Del Taco, Krispy Kreme and El Pollo Loco. Guess which is the only one of the three I'll patronize.