We're past the halfway point on these…
Not much to say about Little Caesars; just that their pizza is fine for what it is. I don't see a lot of qualitative difference between Pizza Hut, Domino's, Papa John's and Little Caesars. I also don't see a lot of value in slamming them because they don't measure up to the finest pizza from the places where the chefs are artisans as opposed to minimum-wage employees who wish they could move up to something better.
Some folks call this Convenience Pizza and that's not a bad name for it. It's easy to get and it's reliable. At times, the biggest difference between these chains seem to be which one has found a new way to promise more cheese stuffed into every cranny of the product. I'm surprised one of them doesn't start advertising that the box it comes in is covered with cheese…and so is your change.
I'll give Carl's Jr. the benefit of this doubt: It's possible they've improved their products since the last time I ate at one, which must have been ten years ago. But ten years ago, I had such an awful burger and fries in one that I swore off them forever. I think I actually took a few bites, threw the meal away, got in my car and went somewhere else. I'd stopped there because I was hungry and needed food in a hurry. I got my meal, took a bite or two, and decided I wasn't that hungry.
I wish I liked their food because there's a 24-hour Carl's Jr. drive-thru not far from where I live and I always seem to be passing it when it's 2 AM and I could use a meal…but it isn't just the (low) quality of their cuisine. It's the insane calorie counts. Go to their website some time and see what some of their burgers will cost you in that department…and the sodium content! Might as well just take the lid off the salt shaker and pour the contents into your mouth. There are lakes in Utah with less salt than the Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger. If I'm going to eat something that unhealthy, I oughta enjoy it a lot more than I've ever enjoyed anything at a Carl's Jr. besides leaving it.
And now we go from my least-favorite Fast Food Joint to probably my favorite…though I will admit my enthusiasm for Five Guys has dampened a tad. I first dined at one when they were East Coast Only. It was 2007, Carolyn and I were in Virginia, and we went to a Five Guys where her nephew was working. There, I had a hamburger and fries as fine as any burger and fries I'd ever had anywhere…and better than 95% of 'em. When I traveled thereafter, I would check to see if there was a Five Guys anywhere near where I was going and, if so, try to make plans to include a stop.
A few years later, they began to make incursions into Southern California…and I actually looked into possibly investing in that venture. I rarely invest in anything. I have this odd feeling that I was not meant to make money at anything besides writing stuff. But my enthusiasm for Five Guys was such that I pursued that possibility for a while before deciding it wasn't feasible. In any case, there's now a Five Guys sorta within walking distance of me — it's a long walk but I did it many times before my knee problems — and there are others that are easy drives.
And you know what? They're not quite as wonderful out here as the ones back east.
Don't get me wrong: Five Guys is still my favorite place to grab a burger and fries. I don't even know what the runner-up would be but it's a distant second. Still, the ones out here — I've been to six different ones in Southern California — are a fraction off, like they just don't get meat that's quite as wonderful. Or maybe they cook it a tad too long. Five Guys serves all its burgers "well done" but it feels like the ones out here are using the upper definition of "well done," whereas the ones I've been to in Indiana, Ohio and Virginia were using the low-end definition. Or something. I don't know what it is, only that it is.
I've found, by the way, that if you ask for your fries to be "well done," there's about a one-in-three chance you'll actually get them that way. But when you do, they're even better. They're terrific when you don't, too. So are the hamburgers so I guess I shouldn't complain.
Next time: Steak n' Shake, Quiznos and White Castle…