Several folks wrote to tell me that if one is absolutely determined to deep-fry a turkey, one should use the Alton Brown technique. Here's Alton Brown to describe the Alton Brown technique…
It looks…like it's more trouble than it's worth so I probably will never attempt this. But I'm curious about a few things, starting with why the companies that make those pots in which one fries a turkey don't make them 6-12" taller than they do. In every video I see, even the successful turkey friers come within an inch or three of having the oil boil over the rim. If you're going to deep-fry a turkey, why not make the pot deeper?
But here's my big question: If deep-fried turkey tastes so incredibly delicious, why aren't there businesses all over that do this for you? You'd think there'd be a huge take-out business but here in Los Angeles, the nearest place I can locate that does this is…well, there's a barbecue place about 10 miles from me but (a) they don't have them all the time and (b) they do a spicy Cajun seasoning and I don't like spicy or Cajun. The nearest place I can locate that does it and doesn't go all Cajun when they do it is 25 miles away and in a pretty bad neighborhood.
You can get a fried turkey via mail-order but I've never had much luck with mail-order prepared food, and the reheating instructions sound about the same hassle as cooking a turkey in the oven to begin with. (And you have to make sure you're home when FedEx delivers it and the turkey costs a lot and delivery costs more and you have to make room in your freezer for an entire turkey and…)
I'm a huge fan of turkey. I eat more of it than I eat of chicken and beef combined…but I've never had fried turkey. I don't think I've ever been in a restaurant that offered it — and you'd figure a lot would if it was truly the delicacy some make it out to be. When I look how much trouble, expense and danger I'd have to incur to fry up one in my yard…and I look at how almost no one's cashing in on frying turkeys and then serving or selling them…I get to thinking: Roast turkey cooked in an oven is great. Fried turkey can't possibly be so much better that it's worth the trouble. No food is.