See that man there? That's my best friend (male division), a fellow named Sergio Aragonés and today is his birthday. I have known Sergio since 1969 and we've been collaborators on a wide array of projects — most of them, Groo the Wanderer — since around 1977…and boy, the dirt I know about this man. People think he is handsome and charming and oh so talented and that he's high among the world's most honored and respected cartoonists. They wouldn't think any of that if they knew what I know.
That's how we've been friends so long: I have too much on him. He knows that if he ever stops being my best friend (male division), I will spill the refried beans, tell all I know and he won't be one of the most beloved, admired cartoonists. He'll just be Anthony Weiner with a fountain pen. I have been unable, in all the years we've worked together, to successfully blackmail him into actually paying me. Some people only fear shame so much. But I have been able to extort him into being my best friend (male division). And since he's that, I might as well wish him a Happy Birthday…
Happy Birthday, Sergio! And no, you are not old. Al Jaffee is old. You are a (relatively) young man and don't worry. No one will ever know about you-know-what and you-know-who and that time you did you-know-that with you-know-them. Your secrets are safe with me. At least they are, so long as you remain my best friend (male division)…or if you ever get that sex change you keep talking about, the female category. Especially if you lose the mustache.