I don't like phone solicitations at all. I do not like being called by strangers trying to sell me something and I will never, ever buy something this way. If someone phones outta the blue and offers me a new Maserati Grand Turismo Sport for a buck and a half, no strings attached, I will still tell him no and to stop pestering me. And what I really don't like are these calls that pretend we have a prior relationship. Yesterday, the following conversation was heard on my phone. I've changed the names but otherwise it went just like this…
ME: Hello?
HIM: Mr. Evanier? This is Shel Wackhammer of Shmidlap Furnace Company. I see here that we did some work on your heating system in March of 2005 so you're more than overdue for an inspection. As you may recall from last time, we provide those free so I'd like to schedule to get someone out there…
ME: You're lying. You never did work for me.
HIM: Yes, honest, we did. March of '05. I have it right here.
ME: Really? What kind of heating system do I have?
HIM: Uh, forced air?
ME: BZZZ! Wrong answer. Try again.
HIM: Oh, what am I saying? It's right here in front of me in your file. Radiant?
ME: BZZZ! That's two down and one to go. Your last guess?
HIM: Let me see…geothermal?
ME: BZZZ! No, sorry, it was a trick question. The correct answer is gravity heating but the house stays so warm without it that I haven't turned it on or had any work done on it since the eighties. But we have some lovely parting gifts for you and thanks for playing, "Name That Heating System!" Bye!
Then later in the day, a woman who's selling solar installations called to thank me for being so nice to her when she called on me last December. "You told me you'd be ready to buy in the summer so I thought I'd bring our experts by to determine exactly what you need." I told her what I needed was to not be called by liars. They're now even infiltrating my e-mail. I got this the other day, addressed to me and meant (I suppose) to make me think I'd accidentally gotten a terrific offer intended for someone else. I've removed the clickable links but otherwise, it read just like this…
Larry, I was calling to schedule delivery of your medical alert system. It's the fall and I can't get up type of system leasing on TV. Looks like the system's been recommended by thousands of hospitals and medical professionals. Let's see, says here that this is already been paid for. Looks like you're getting the system because you cared yourself a friend, family member. Maybe even some when you know experience stuff on the past. So again so already been paid for it. So there's no cost to you whatsoever. Also says here that the shipping has already been paid for it. So to schedule delivery of your virtually Medical Alert system press one. Now again to I have your system shipped out to you press one now, press 5, to client shipment of your system. If you already have a medical alert system, please disregard this message again. If you already have a medical alert system, please disregard this message.
I'm guessing this approach works. So many businesses are trying it that it must work…on someone. I'm guessing it's all the same people who think Obamacare sets up "Death Panels."