Remember what I said about how Andy Griffith was smart enough to let other performers "steal" The Andy Griffith Show? Well, McHale's Navy wasn't The Ernest Borgnine Show but he still could have objected when the show ignored McHale and turned its attention to others, most notably Tim Conway, Joe Flynn and Carl Ballantine. That he didn't is one of the reasons that show was a success…one that still stands up, I find.
Ernie Borgnine was in a lot of movies and a lot of TV shows, usually playing Ernie Borgnine. I didn't like all the things he appeared in but I never felt he was to blame for the lesser efforts…and he got a lot of credit for whenever it was good, whatever it was. His co-stars always spoke well of him…and that's about all I have to say about Ernie Borgnine. Unless, of course, I talk about his famous marriage to Ethel Merman — the marriage that lasted a whopping 32 days.
She rarely talked about it. In her autobiography, there was a chapter entitled "My Marriage to Ernest Borgnine." The chapter consisted of one blank page. Elsewhere in the book, she suggested that he was unhappy in the relationship because when they went out anywhere, it was apparent that she was a much bigger star. This is an odd thing to discover about someone after you marry them. I vaguely recall him telling some columnist that Merman had it backwards; that she wanted out of the relationship the minute she realized he was the bigger star. That's also an odd thing to find out on your honeymoon.
I mention this because I have only one personal Ernest Borgnine story and you'll have to listen carefully because it only lasts a few seconds…
A few years ago, I attended a luncheon in honor of the producer Charles Fries. Borgnine was on the dais and he spoke. And he spoke and he spoke. He was supposed to do three minutes and he must have done fifteen, rambling from topic to topic, occasionally pausing briefly to mention Chuck Fries. But no one minded too much because he was very funny.
As we all left, I found myself standing next to him in the valet parking area. I said to him, "Fine speech." He said he was worried he'd gone on too long. I assured him people loved it.
He said, "You know, when I get up at one of these things, I lose all track of time. I literally have no idea how long I spoke for. How long do you think it was?"
I told him, "About the same length of time you were married to Ethel Merman." I got a big laugh out of him. Ernest Borgnine had a great laugh.
And then he said, "Oh, jeez. Chuck Fries deserved a longer speech than that."
That's it. My one Ernest Borgnine story. I said something mildly funny and he topped me.