L.A. Law

For reasons that will someday be told here as part of a long tale, I spent a good chunk of yesterday in a police station speaking with detectives and other such folks. Having to take actions that will surely put someone behind bars is for me a joyless experience even though this person really, really deserves it. The best I'm hoping for is a sensation of relief the way you're satisfied to put any annoying task behind you and to not have to handle it any longer.

Being in a police station is, of course, fascinating. The place is active 24/7 and as one of the detectives told me, there are times when it's one or two people coming in with problems and complaints, and there are times when half the world seems to be streaming in through that door. I asked him if there was a "busiest" time of day — Morning? Afternoon? After Midnight? He said no, it could be four in the afternoon or four in the morning but it's like someone just announced on all channels, "Quick! Everyone rush to the police station in tears!"

My overwhelming impression as I've been handling this matter is that the L.A.P.D. (and I'll bet other P.D.s in other burgs) is in desperate need of about five times the manpower; that one reason there's as much crime as there is is that it's possible to commit one and if no victim is left dying or desperate, the cops do not come to arrest or investigate for months. The person I'm sending to the slammer probably thinks they "got away with it" in the past because their past thefts are "Cat 2." That's police talk for "Category 2," which means "handle when somebody here has the time."

I'm real well-organized and in full control of the case in which I'm involved. I wrote up a report that explained matters in detail and includes all the relevant documents and evidence. One of the lead detectives paged through it and said, "You've already done all the legwork for us. It's all here. I could handle this one in my sleep." Then he sighed apologetically and said, "I'll try to move you up in the pile but we have all these ahead of you." He then gestured towards a shelf of files than would keep Joe Friday busy for a year. During that time, Claude Cooper (the kleptomaniac from Cleveland) would probably think he'd "gotten away with it" and would go out and cop more clean copper clappers from someone else's closet.

As I waited for this or that to get done, I couldn't help but overhear others who were in to seek a little justice. There was a striking Asian woman who wanted her former boy friend arrested and beheaded within the hour for, in effect, stealing every last thing she owned in the world. The officer making out her report (in longhand on paper with a #2 pencil in the year 2012) was trying to get the facts he needed — "just the facts" — but she was determined to tell her sad tale in full with many details he did not need and didn't have time for. These included explicit descriptions of her lovemaking with the "ex" who was screwing her one way while screwing her another. It almost came down to her asking, "How could this bastard have stolen my car and my checking account when I was so good to him in bed?"

Throughout, the overworked officer kept shooting me little looks that said, "See what I have to deal with all day?" I got more of them as he dealt with the next persons in line: A couple from Georgia who'd come to L.A. and had been living in their car — a car that had now been either stolen or repossessed leaving them literally penniless. It was another "everything I [we] owned in the world" matter and it made me really understand why my case was not a "Cat 1."

Actually, I'm dealing with two similar offenses. This was my third visit to this station to discuss the first and my first to discuss the second. In my three times there, I have seen nothing relating to crimes of violence. I have seen no lulls in activity. I have seen no L.A.P.D. employees who were not utterly polite and efficient and — most of all — compassionate. And underscoring it all, you sense a basic frustration among them all that they can't do more for these people; that they haven't the resources to make these problems go away as rapidly as they might. Watching cop shows has given many the false sense that the police can resolve matters in an hour minus time for commercials and station breaks. It doesn't work like that. Wish it did.