Monthly Archives: May 2012

Ten Good Reasons

Posted on Friday, May 11, 2012 at 5:01 PM

I didn't write this but it's making the rounds and I think it's pretty good…

TEN REASONS TO BAN GAY MARRIAGE

  1. Being gay is not natural and real Americans always reject unnatural things like polyester, tattoos, piercings and air conditioning.
  2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
  3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
  4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all, which is why women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
  5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed and we can't let the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage be destroyed.
  6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children so gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our population isn't out of control, our orphanages aren't quite full yet, and the world needs more children.
  7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children since of course straight parents only raise straight children.
  8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
  9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home, which is exactly why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
  10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms, just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer lifespans.

Set the TiVo!

Posted on Friday, May 11, 2012 at 9:21 AM

Most PBS stations are debuting a new episode of American Masters this week — a portrait of Johnny Carson that is said to be more honest and unsanitized than most. I haven't seen it but of course will be watching.

In Los Angeles, it's on KOCE, Channel 50 on Monday, May 14 and then again on May 19 at Midnight. If in any town you're searching your DVR program guide and can't find it, try looking under "Johnny Carson: American Masters."

We Have a Winner!

Posted on Friday, May 11, 2012 at 1:41 AM

But only one. After more than 800 entries, only one person has sent in the correct answer…and even he had to look it up.

Joev Dubach identified the painter of the painting I posted (here) as Ken Reid. Mr. Reid was the art director of The Dick Van Dyke Show and the painting was used in the episode, "The Masterpiece," in which Rob Petrie accidentally buys a painting — that painting — at an art auction. It's advertised as being by "Artanis" and he finds out later, after destroying the painting, that it's the work of Frank Sinatra, who signed it backwards. But it was actually painted by Mr. Reid.

Among the wrong guesses I received, some in vast quantity, were Tony Bennett, Red Skelton, Jack Kirby, Sergio Aragonés, Bob Kane, me, Frank Frazetta, John Wayne Gacy, Harpo Marx and Jerry Lewis. I also received a number of guesses of Artanis and/or Frank Sinatra from people who apparently think Ol' Blue Eyes did that painting or that I was asking you to guess who the TV show pretended had painted the painting.

For what it's worth, Mr. Dubach informs me that he figured it out as follows…

I got there by cropping your picture to just the painted part, and then uploading it to Google image search to find a couple of blogs that said it was from an episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show, in which it was allegedly painted by Artanis, a pseudonym for Frank Sinatra

…but Google then led him to a page from The Official Dick Van Dyke Show Book by our pal Vince Waldron, and that page identified Ken Reid as the craftsman. So lemme again recommend Vince's book. If one loves The Dick Van Dyke Show, one must purchase the best book anyone will ever write about it. One must.

And if you're in the mood to watch "The Masterpiece," here it is with, as they say, limited commercial interruption. Cartoon voice fans will recognize Alan Reed, the first voice of Fred Flintstone, as the auctioneer…and Howie Morris as the art expert…

VIDEO MISSING

My Tweets from Yesterday

Posted on Friday, May 11, 2012 at 12:05 AM
  • I don't care what someone did in high school. But I remember every bad thing I did then and don't believe someone who doesn't remember his. 15:17:26
  • Of course Romney doesn't recall an alleged bullying from high school. He doesn't even remember being in favor of health care mandates. 18:19:57

Today's Tweet Clarification

Posted on Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 6:18 PM

I think I need to elaborate on a Tweet I sent earlier. It's tough to make your point clear in 140 characters.

There are all these stories about Mitt Romney being a bully or a terrorizer of gays or whatever he was alleged to be in high school. I don't know if they're true or not. I don't care if they're true or not. I mean, if he'd killed a guy, that might matter. But I believe someone could be one thing in high school and almost an entirely different person a few decades later. I would never not vote for someone because they were an asshole in eighth grade. Most of us were back then. It was just a matter of how big an asshole you were.

All I was trying to say was that I don't buy the "I don't remember" defense here…and that is somewhat relevant in who the person is today. I'm only five years younger than Romney and I don't think the following will change soon: I remember everything I did in those days that I wish I hadn't done or am ashamed I did…and if you came to me and said, "Hey, someone says you and a couple of your friends held a guy down and cut his hair," I would certainly know that hadn't happened.

And I'll bet if you went to Romney and said, "It's being claimed that you paid for a girl's abortion," he would remember that absolutely, positively hadn't happened.

Tony DeZuniga, R.I.P.

Posted on Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 5:44 PM

Filipino comic book legend Tony DeZuniga has died at the age of 71. Tony suffered a major stroke in mid-April which led to a range of infections and other medical problems. While no cause of death has been announced, it's likely that it was the culmination of what he'd been going through. Many in the comic book community had chipped in to help with hospital bills and other expenses because he was so well-liked and respected. He was among his many other accomplishments, the co-creator of the popular DC properties, Jonah Hex and The Black Orchid.

Tony entered the flourishing comic book industry in The Philippines in 1957, working as a letterer to finance his college education at the University of Santa Tomas. Despite warnings that a Filipino artist could not crack the American marketplace, Tony came here several times to try and do so and in 1970 secured work at DC, inking other artists at first, then doing complete art. His style was unique, at least to American comic books, and exciting for its blend of realism and energy.

He told the editors at DC that there were many other fine artists back in The Philippines. At first, the notion of working with talent so far away (and not well-schooled in English) scared DC's management away. That was until they learned how inexpensive it would be to have comics drawn there. Even with the expense of shipping work down there, it made it possible to get a comic book drawn (and drawn well) for a fraction of what American artists were paid. At first, Tony served as a kind of agent as dozens of Filipino artists began drawing for DC and later for Marvel and other companies. They included Nestor Redondo, Alfredo Alcala, Alex Nino and Ernie Chua (later known as Ernie Chan). Some of these artists later relocated to the United States and Tony spent much of his time here.

Tony is probably best remembered for Jonah Hex and for the work he did on DC's mystery comics and on Marvel's Conan the Barbarian. He drew very powerful heroic figures and very beautiful women and I always enjoyed talking or lunching with him and his wonderful wife, Tina. Our thoughts and condolences go out to her tonight along with the knowledge that Tony and his fine work will not be forgotten.

Hanging Loose and Facing Front…

Posted on Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 5:00 PM

A writer named Alex Pappademas authored an unusually insightful profile of Stan Lee. I have a number of mixed feelings about Stan ranging from personal affection and respect to frustration and disappointment, and will someday have to write what I'm sure will be a very long, controversial article about the various Stans I've known. For now, the piece by Mr. Pappademas captures a few of those cascading feelings. Its tagline — "On the (surprisingly complicated) legacy of Stan Lee" — is particularly on-point. Stan is a much more complex individual than most people think and it is impossible to summarize his contributions to the medium, or any of the controversies that swirl around him, in a single declarative statement.

A Contest With No Prizes

Posted on Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 3:54 PM

And by "no prizes," I don't mean No-Prizes like Stan Lee used to give out in Marvel Comics. I mean there are no prizes. But write me if you can identify the individual who painted the above painting. I'll run the names of the first ten people who get it right.

From the E-Mailbag…

Posted on Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 11:28 AM

My pal Joe Brancatelli, who knows more about air travel than any man, woman or child alive, writes in answer to my two queries…

So the reason why airlines no longer check luggage tags at most airports is that they are cheap and the number of luggage thefts is actually pretty low. It's cheaper to pay off on the rare losses than staff carousels.

And why is pizza so bad at airports? Because most places only have chain joints in the first place, chain joints make crappy pizza at the best of time and limited space at airports mean no on-premises dough (it's shipped in, often frozen) and no ovens with sufficient heat and size to make a good pizza. Now that I think of it, it's the ground-based equivalent of why coffee is so bad on airplanes. The high altitudes make it harder to get water hot enough to make a decent cup and most airlines use awful blends of coffee because it's cheap…

I buy the first explanation but still want to know what changed. Did the airlines just all figure this out one day? It's not like they suddenly got cheap. Back when all those employees were diligently making you show your baggage claim check, did the airlines not know that it would be cheaper to just pay off the losses? And I'm still curious as to what percent of people taking others' luggage is deliberate theft and what part is "Gee, that looked just like my bag!"

Stealing luggage at the airport always struck me as a pretty stupid crime — a lot of risk for little potential gain. I can't think of anything that's ever been in one of my suitcases that was worth even a 1% chance of doing hard time. (That, by the way, is how I feel when people get hysterical and scream "Vote Fraud!" because it's technically possible sometimes to go to a strange polling place, get someone else's ballot and vote. There are folks out there who loathe Barack Obama or Mitt Romney. How many in this country would risk prison to change one vote in one precinct in one state? They'd stand less chance of being caught and would impact the vote more if they robbed liquor stores and gave the money to a PAC.)

Getting back to the airport: I'm not sure I buy Joe's explanation about airport pizza. I've been to great pizzerias that had just as little operating space as the places at the airport. Vito's, the best place I've found to get pizza in L.A., operates out of the crate in which their mozzarella is delivered. Still, they seem to be able to make fresh dough and they seem to be able to bring in an oven that gets hot enough. Then again, Joe does know airports and he is Italian…

In his e-mail, he chides me for eating airport pizza at all, noting I could have consulted this guide he compiled on good food in airports or its sequel. The answer is simple: No time. In Minneapolis, for example, I had less than a half-hour between one flight's arrival and the departure of the next.

I would have loved to go to Ike's, the Minneapolis Airport eatery that Joe recommends. I dined there years ago and it was excellent — an airport restaurant I would go to if it were outside an airport. But I was in the wrong concourse and didn't have 90 minutes. I did have plenty of time at Indianapolis Airport but Joe's guides do not recommend a great restaurant there. Looking over the list of places to dine at IND, I assume it's because there isn't one.

This is my way of saying that I'm sure Joe's recommendations are sound. Listen to this man and read his latest article, which is all about why United Airlines is the "Worst. Airline. Ever. Again." And you know it's just gotta be awful if someone says that with a period after each word.

Just Because It's June

Posted on Thursday, May 10, 2012 at 10:01 AM

Well, it's not definitive research but this list of the longest-serving soap opera actors shows a couple of folks who worked into their nineties but no one who got an Emmy nomination at that age. So until someone proves me wrong, I'm taking the position that June Foray is the oldest Emmy nominee ever in the performer, non-honorary category. She may even be the oldest in any category but someone else will have to figure that out.

Important Question

Posted on Wednesday, May 9, 2012 at 11:34 PM

So someone needs to research this. It says over on Wikipedia, which as we all know is never wrong about anything…

[Betty] White also holds the record for the oldest recipient of a competitive, non-honorary performing Emmy, winning in 2010 at the age of 88 – as well as holding the record for the oldest nominee, nominated in 2011 at the age of 89.

They may be talking there just about primetime Emmy Awards…but June Foray, who was nominated this morning for a Daytime Emmy, is 94. Actually, to get technical, she's more than 94 and a half. Did she just become the oldest-ever Emmy nominee, beating the previous holder of that honor by five years?

Performing Emmys in daytime do not usually go to older people since they're mostly for game shows and soap operas. Bob Barker was 83 when he got his 19th and final Emmy but he was the exception. There certainly has never been a game show host who worked into his nineties and I doubt there's been a soap opera actor or actress.

Like I said, someone needs to research this. And we may need to point this out to the press.

Today's Video Link

Posted on Wednesday, May 9, 2012 at 6:53 PM

You may have seen this but just in case you haven't, here's a profanity-laced montage of insults uttered in major motion pictures. You hockey puck.

Today's Political Rambling

Posted on Wednesday, May 9, 2012 at 6:22 PM

William Saletan on how and why Barack Obama got around to endorsing Same-Sex Wedlock. There's more to it than just the polls but not much. And no, I don't think our president had a revelation about the injustice of not allowing gays to marry. If anything, it was a revelation that it wouldn't hurt and might well help his election chances.

You know, reading the debate online, I'm always struck about how opponents of this kind of thing keep using the term "defend marriage." They made up an imaginary war on marriage, deciding letting gays do it would destroy it for everyone, and they don't seem to want to engage the real point its proponents are making, which is that it doesn't threaten marriage in any way.

But the thing is that marriage is kinda losing its importance in society. More and more heterosexual couples are opting to live together without the benefit of legal marriage. More and more children are being born to couples who have not officially tied the knot. There's hard, inarguable data that this is happening, whereas the notion that Gay Marriage harms marriage in general is at best an unproven, hard-to-articulate theory. The divorce rate is also on a slow, steady rise as it has been for decades now.

So if someone is worried that marriage is "threatened," aren't they ignoring the real threat? Shouldn't they be working to ban divorces and co-habitation instead of that small group of folks who are fighting to get married? Or is there some theory out there I don't know about that says Gay Marriage is the reason Straight Marriages are declining? Come to think of it, I'll bet there is…