My pal Joe Brancatelli, who knows more about air travel than any man, woman or child alive, writes in answer to my two queries…
So the reason why airlines no longer check luggage tags at most airports is that they are cheap and the number of luggage thefts is actually pretty low. It's cheaper to pay off on the rare losses than staff carousels.
And why is pizza so bad at airports? Because most places only have chain joints in the first place, chain joints make crappy pizza at the best of time and limited space at airports mean no on-premises dough (it's shipped in, often frozen) and no ovens with sufficient heat and size to make a good pizza. Now that I think of it, it's the ground-based equivalent of why coffee is so bad on airplanes. The high altitudes make it harder to get water hot enough to make a decent cup and most airlines use awful blends of coffee because it's cheap…
I buy the first explanation but still want to know what changed. Did the airlines just all figure this out one day? It's not like they suddenly got cheap. Back when all those employees were diligently making you show your baggage claim check, did the airlines not know that it would be cheaper to just pay off the losses? And I'm still curious as to what percent of people taking others' luggage is deliberate theft and what part is "Gee, that looked just like my bag!"
Stealing luggage at the airport always struck me as a pretty stupid crime — a lot of risk for little potential gain. I can't think of anything that's ever been in one of my suitcases that was worth even a 1% chance of doing hard time. (That, by the way, is how I feel when people get hysterical and scream "Vote Fraud!" because it's technically possible sometimes to go to a strange polling place, get someone else's ballot and vote. There are folks out there who loathe Barack Obama or Mitt Romney. How many in this country would risk prison to change one vote in one precinct in one state? They'd stand less chance of being caught and would impact the vote more if they robbed liquor stores and gave the money to a PAC.)
Getting back to the airport: I'm not sure I buy Joe's explanation about airport pizza. I've been to great pizzerias that had just as little operating space as the places at the airport. Vito's, the best place I've found to get pizza in L.A., operates out of the crate in which their mozzarella is delivered. Still, they seem to be able to make fresh dough and they seem to be able to bring in an oven that gets hot enough. Then again, Joe does know airports and he is Italian…
In his e-mail, he chides me for eating airport pizza at all, noting I could have consulted this guide he compiled on good food in airports or its sequel. The answer is simple: No time. In Minneapolis, for example, I had less than a half-hour between one flight's arrival and the departure of the next.
I would have loved to go to Ike's, the Minneapolis Airport eatery that Joe recommends. I dined there years ago and it was excellent — an airport restaurant I would go to if it were outside an airport. But I was in the wrong concourse and didn't have 90 minutes. I did have plenty of time at Indianapolis Airport but Joe's guides do not recommend a great restaurant there. Looking over the list of places to dine at IND, I assume it's because there isn't one.
This is my way of saying that I'm sure Joe's recommendations are sound. Listen to this man and read his latest article, which is all about why United Airlines is the "Worst. Airline. Ever. Again." And you know it's just gotta be awful if someone says that with a period after each word.