Monthly Archives: June 2011

Here's a link to a piece by Al Gore about Climate Change, which is what we used to call Global Warming before the really, really stupid people started saying that every cold day was proof that there's no such thing.

That's one of the three lame arguments that I get in my e-mail each time I veer towards the topic here. Another is to cite some high school science teacher in Poughkeepsie or somewhere — or to even name a few scientists of dubious credentials who insist there's no evidence the climate is changing — and then to say, "Well, one side says one thing and one side says the other…so I guess they cancel each other out and we can forget about it." No, they don't cancel each other out. The scale ain't even close to balanced on this one.

And then the last and lamest argument goes something like this: "Hey, Al Gore says it's so and we all know you can't believe a single thing Al Gore says." To some, that's inarguable proof the climate ain't changing…and things like record temps, increased typhoons, melted glaciers and hundreds of respected meteorologists and other kinds of scientists can be discounted because, you know, Al Gore is kind of a dick. My right-wing friend Roger used to try that one until he realized that he thinks most of the Republican presidential candidates are dicks and he doesn't think that disproves their economic theories.

So don't bother sending me any of those arguments. I hope Climate Change is all just a massive hoax or delusion but I think the evidence that it's real is strong enough — and the consequences of doing nothing could be so catastrophic — that this country should be proceeding as if it's so. If a lot of really smart people (forget Al Gore if you think he isn't one) tell you your house is on fire, you oughta do something about it instead of finding reasons why they could all be wrong.

Want to know one of the major contributors to the energy crisis in this country? Your TiVo, DVR or even your cable box. They're always on and they're using up a helluva lot of electricity.

Graham Chapman is often referred to as a "charter member of Monty Python" even though insofar as I can determine, there were no members of that famed troupe who were not charter members. Anyway, he died in 1989 but he's not going to let a little thing like that stop him from starring in a new movie.

Since I mentioned I'd drawn jury duty, several folks have sent me messages about (a) how to conduct one's self so one does not get picked to be on a jury and therefore gets to go home…

…and (b) how one should conduct one's self if one does sit on a jury. The latter advice includes all sorts of explanations of how the rights and duties of a juror may actually exceed that which one hears in the instructions from the judge.

I always appreciate advice but in these cases, it's not of much use to me. If I am questioned as a potential juror in a case, I wouldn't want to "throw" the game, which I would imagine would be pretty easy to do. I expect I would answer honestly and then one side or the other wouldn't want me on the jury. I can't explain exactly why I feel this way but I'm pretty sure I'm never going to dance at the Joffrey Ballet, I'm pretty sure I'm never going to win the lottery and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to be selected for a jury. In fact, of the three, I'd say the odds of me winning the lottery while wearing a tu-tu are better than the odds of me getting selected for a jury.

The only two previous times I've had jury duty, I sat in the jury room all day, unselected by their little "lottery" system to go be questioned as a potential juror in some case. Betcha five bucks that's what happens when I do go in and serve this time.

I actually wouldn't mind serving on a jury if there's ever a time I could do so without disrupting the lives of others…like I couldn't do it this week because I'm writing and voice-directing a cartoon show this week and I can't do it the week of the Comic-Con because I'm voice-directing a cartoon show in the early part of that week and then I have all those responsibilities at the convention. Many weeks of my life are like that and I never know too far in advance when one might not be.

The system however isn't configured for those who freelance or are self-employed. It's designed for those in jobs with predictable hours at operations that presume you'll occasionally be out for illness or vacation so they have to have a Plan B where someone else can cover for you. I keep getting asked by folks at jury-related offices and on their forms how many days of my regular salary my employer pays me when I'm on jury duty and I keep telling them, "None…I don't have a regular employer." I've been doing what I do for 42 years and I'm not sure I've ever had anyone who you'd call a "regular employer" and certainly no one who'd pay me while I sat on a jury. I still wouldn't mind doing that even though I feel confident it'll never happen. Which is lucky for you because I'm already convinced you're guilty.

Jerry Lewis had to cancel a charity concert in Sydney, Australia last Friday due to illness. The 85-year-old comic legend was briefly hospitalized — he was "overtired," his publicist said — and then released…

She said Lewis has had a "ridiculous" schedule in recent months. He has been flying back and forth from Las Vegas to New York, casting for the stage production of "The Nutty Professor," which he intends to release in January.

We are, as ever, intrigued with the constant approach of the stage musical version of The Nutty Professor, which Jerry is said to be directing himself with book and lyrics by Rupert Holmes and a score by Marvin Hamlisch. Release in January where? Certainly not on Broadway…not without some inkling this far in advance of it dickering for theater space. That is not easy to secure on the Great White Way these days.

The more likely scenario would be to open the show at some regional theater for a tryout/workshop. Jerry used to mention the Old Globe in San Diego, which would be an ideal place except that it's pretty much booked a year in advance. They could certainly find some theater somewhere in this country that would be eager to have such a show but the fact that no venue has been named does make one think that's just talk. I also don't see any mention of The Nutty Professor casting on any of the websites that list such things. The ones that mention it at all have it in the long list of shows that claim to be aiming for Broadway and they say "2010-2011," which obviously ain't gonna happen. Most shows on that list won't happen. (The semi-official website for Rupert Holmes mentions many of his upcoming projects but even it doesn't have a word about The Nutty Professor.)

I hope The Nutty Professor happens. It's a pretty good idea for a musical and I also have a natural tendency to root for anyone in their eighties to have a new, successful accomplishment. I'd like that to seem possible when I hit that decade. I just wish the announcements about this show, most of which are at least two years old and thought it would be playing Manhattan by now, related a little more to reality.

More imminent is Jerry's upcoming (and final, they say) appearance on the annual Muscular Dystrophy Telethon, which will run a scant six hours on Labor Day. The rumor is that the shift to a shorter length was done without consulting Jerry and that his reaction when he heard was, "Oh, that's good. Now I can host the whole thing myself." He was then told (we hear) that they didn't want him to host at all…just to come on and make a brief appearance. Is this so? It's starting to look that way. The latest word is that Jerry will appear only in the final ten minutes. No news on who'll host the other five hours and fifty minutes.

Lewis will come on, I'm told, make a few remarks to pass the torch and he'll sing his signature "You'll Never Walk Alone." I find it hard to believe he could say whatever will be on his mind that evening in ten minutes. Ten hours, maybe. I have friends who are already thinking that putting a volatile, unpredictable guy on a live show for ten minutes when he surely has a wide array of rampaging emotion…well, this may not be a great idea. That's from the producers' standpoint. For an audience, it may be really, really exciting.

I'm thinking it might be easier if I postponed jury duty instead.

Okay. Con's back on!

We have to postpone the Comic-Con in San Diego, people. I just got jury duty that week.

Today only! Amazon is selling the DVD set, The Andy Griffith Show – The Complete Series, for $78. This is your chance to spend 6,395 minutes in Mayberry for under eighty dollars…or about what Otis Campbell spends on whiskey per week. That's a bargain even if you only watch the five seasons (of eight) which featured Don Knotts as a regular. The set also includes extras like the backdoor pilot episode of The Danny Thomas Show, the episode of Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C. featuring Opie (Ron Howard) and that Return to Mayberry TV-movie.

There's no one way to score this but you could certainly make a strong case that The Andy Griffith Show was the most popular TV series ever done. It's certainly had an afterlife like no other program in terms of reruns and its ongoing impact on the culture of many parts of America. The Danny Thomas Show was on for eleven years and more or less equalled The Andy Griffith Show in ratings success but no one reruns it today, no one quotes it, no one has built an entire city around it. It was just a hit TV show, whereas The Andy Griffith Show was so much more than that.

Here's the link to order your copy. And remember: This offer is only good for today. Hop to it.

The New York State Legislature gave final approval late Friday to a bill permitting same-sex marriage. Good. And you know what they say about New York. If you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere…

I will be moderating a Gene Colan Tribute Panel at Comic-Con International. It will be one month from today — Friday, July 24 at Noon in Room 8. Come one, come all. Hear folks who knew and worked with "Gene the Dean" — or just plain loved his work — discuss the man and his artistry.