Since I mentioned I'd drawn jury duty, several folks have sent me messages about (a) how to conduct one's self so one does not get picked to be on a jury and therefore gets to go home…
…and (b) how one should conduct one's self if one does sit on a jury. The latter advice includes all sorts of explanations of how the rights and duties of a juror may actually exceed that which one hears in the instructions from the judge.
I always appreciate advice but in these cases, it's not of much use to me. If I am questioned as a potential juror in a case, I wouldn't want to "throw" the game, which I would imagine would be pretty easy to do. I expect I would answer honestly and then one side or the other wouldn't want me on the jury. I can't explain exactly why I feel this way but I'm pretty sure I'm never going to dance at the Joffrey Ballet, I'm pretty sure I'm never going to win the lottery and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to be selected for a jury. In fact, of the three, I'd say the odds of me winning the lottery while wearing a tu-tu are better than the odds of me getting selected for a jury.
The only two previous times I've had jury duty, I sat in the jury room all day, unselected by their little "lottery" system to go be questioned as a potential juror in some case. Betcha five bucks that's what happens when I do go in and serve this time.
I actually wouldn't mind serving on a jury if there's ever a time I could do so without disrupting the lives of others…like I couldn't do it this week because I'm writing and voice-directing a cartoon show this week and I can't do it the week of the Comic-Con because I'm voice-directing a cartoon show in the early part of that week and then I have all those responsibilities at the convention. Many weeks of my life are like that and I never know too far in advance when one might not be.
The system however isn't configured for those who freelance or are self-employed. It's designed for those in jobs with predictable hours at operations that presume you'll occasionally be out for illness or vacation so they have to have a Plan B where someone else can cover for you. I keep getting asked by folks at jury-related offices and on their forms how many days of my regular salary my employer pays me when I'm on jury duty and I keep telling them, "None…I don't have a regular employer." I've been doing what I do for 42 years and I'm not sure I've ever had anyone who you'd call a "regular employer" and certainly no one who'd pay me while I sat on a jury. I still wouldn't mind doing that even though I feel confident it'll never happen. Which is lucky for you because I'm already convinced you're guilty.