Monthly Archives: April 2011

John Thompson spent eighteen years in prison for a murder he did not commit. The prosecutors had plenty of proof he didn't do it but they hid it because, I guess, convicting someone is better than not convicting the guy who actually did it. Once exonerated, Thompson sued them for misconduct and won, only to have his win overturned 5-4 by the U.S. Supreme Court with Clarence Thomas (apparently) leading the five. Read his story in his own words and tell me if that's how Justice is supposed to work.

Rummaging through my D drive just now, I found this photo which I took in a hospital emergency room about a year ago. I snapped it with my camera phone so it isn't the best quality but it says, "Patient's [sic] are not to be left on a stretcher in the hallway unattended!!!" Note that this is not a professionally-made sign but something that someone in management at this hospital obviously felt was needed so they printed it out on a computer and taped it up. There were several copies up and down that corridor.

Question: Should someone who needs this kind of reminder be working in a hospital? I mean, if you're on the staff and you're shuffling patients around, which I understand is necessary, shouldn't you know not to leave them unattended in the hallway? This must have been a problem there.

Also, if you're in some sort of management position at a hospital, shouldn't you know you don't need an apostrophe there?

In any case, the signs weren't working. I didn't want to invade anyone's privacy by snapping a pic in that direction but about twenty feet away from where I took this, there were two gurneys with unattended patients on them. One of them — an older black woman — was there an awful long time and every ten or fifteen minutes, someone would walk by and tell her, "Your room will be ready any minute now." She'd been there at least two hours when I left. For all I know, she's still there.

I had a sad moment a week or two ago walking in Beverly Hills. I passed an actress I once worked with on a TV show. It was back in the eighties and I don't recall her working much since then.

She was just under 40 then and could have passed for 25. Stunning woman…and I recall her always looking very healthy. She wasn't my type but I could sure admire the view. If she had been my type, we still wouldn't have ever gotten close as she had a long line of suitors. It included movie stars, top athletes and, for a long time, a man who ran one of the biggest movie studios.

One time he came to the set to visit her while we were taping. At the lunch break, they snuck off to her dressing room for a little sexual activity…and what she forgot is that she still had on her wireless microphone and the engineers in the sound booth could hear every bit of it. The director came by, realized what they were listening to and made them turn the mike off…after he'd heard a minute or two. Those who'd heard it were the envy of every man who worked on the show…because every one of us thought she was beautiful. Even one unabashedly gay guy on the staff admitted to having fantasized about her on occasion. That's how lovely she was.

But that was then, this is now. On Canon Drive last week, I passed a woman and thought, "Hey, that lady looks a little like…" Then I realized it wasn't a look-alike. It was her, a quarter-century later. The twenty-five years had not been kind to her but she'd apparently pitched in and help them ravage her appearance.

I'm not sure if it was Botox or surgery or just what it was but she'd had something done — and whatever it was, she should have sued the folks that did it. Her face was puffy, like bees had stung it, but also lopsided and phony. She looked just the opposite of healthy.

We looked at each other but I didn't say hello. I'm not sure she would have remembered my name and we didn't even have much to say to each other on that show we worked on. Later though, trying to get the visual out of my mind, I had a sudden thought. That expression as she briefly looked my way…it could well have said, "I know that person from somewhere." I'd sure hate to think she thought I was thinking, "Boy, she looks hideous now. I'd better not talk to her because I won't know what to say." But that's pretty much what I was thinking.

I was also thinking about the downside of making your living and having your fame and fortune based on your appearance, as she basically had. It doesn't last. Most eye candy spoils with age. Maybe I'm assuming too much here but it's easy to imagine what happened. At some point, men stopped staring the same way they once had and producers stopped calling. A diminishing number of fans were requesting autographed photos…and the ones she did sign were of a person she no longer was. To try and salvage some of her old attention, she went to a doctor she should not have visited and/or had a procedure or two she should not have had.

And now her career is really over.

There's no joke here and no philosophical punchline beyond the obvious. You see a lot of people these days who've done stuff they shouldn't do. I had a friend — an older comedy writer, but not that old. He was working steadily but he kept reading these articles about ageism in our business; how there are no jobs once you're gray or involuntarily bald. That's true to a great extent…though I think a greater disadvantage for some is when you come across as a guy who's still writing for Milton Berle.

Anyway, this writer was working. Producers did want to hire him but he kept reading those articles and becoming panicky that if he didn't want the current gig to be his last, he had to convince everyone he was younger than he really was. So he went in and had a face lift and he died on the operating table. He was 59 years old, which I can't help but note is how old I am now.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to look younger and healthier and there are certainly things doctor-type people can do that are helpful and not risky. There are also the ones that are risky and it's a shame when society or the business or one's own insecurities drives one to take those risks. Whatever that actress I saw in Beverly Hills did, I'll bet she'd look better if she hadn't had it done. She might even have a shot at working again and having people say, "Hey, she looks pretty good for her age."

I don't know much about this fellow named Kliph Nesteroff except that he's in Canada, he writes me occasionally for info and he shares with me a love for veteran comedians. Oh, yeah — and he does these great interviews with them. He just posted a two-parter with Jack Carter that will interest anyone in the history of the comedy profession. Here's a link to Part One and here's a link to Part Two.

And while you're at it, check out this conversation he had with Rose Marie. A lot of folks think of her as Sally on The Dick Van Dyke Show, which she was, but she was a child star who grew up to become an important entertainer. I'll write more about her next week when I plug an appearance she'll be making on Stu's Show. But in the meantime, read her chat with Kliph.

Today only on Amazon: The Complete Dick Van Dyke Show, all five seasons on DVD, for $67. Unlike some of the other deep discounts they've offered lately, I don't think we're going to see another, better set of this show on DVD for quite some time, if ever. I also don't think we're likely to see a better situation comedy. If you don't have this, it's a great opportunity. Order now!

There's a star-studded production of Company being staged in New York for a few performances this week. The cast is amazing…though as this piece notes, when you sign up stars like that, you get the problem that they're often unable to rehearse when you'd like them to be rehearsing. I suspect with this kind of production, there's another possible downside, which is that the performance becomes less about the material and whatever the show is about and primarily about Who's Doing It. Folks come to see stars gathered together in historic assemblage, not to see the material.

I'm not saying that's wrong, just that it is. Show business — and we sometimes forget that theater is show business — is a lot about creating events or a package that sounds commercial. I once heard a movie studio exec asked at a seminar, "What makes a script good?" He replied — this was in the late eighties — "A good script is something that Eddie Murphy's willing to sign on to appear in."

Forgot to mention what I did last Thursday evening before WonderCon! WonderCon started Friday so I got a bunch of my friends to arrive in San Francisco early enough for what they all seemed to think was one of the most fun evenings they've ever spent. We went to see Beach Blanket Babylon, which is now billing itself as the longest-running musical revue in…hmm, I'm not sure if they're claiming country or world. Either is impressive and after 27 years, it doesn't show any sign of slowing up.

What it is: Beach Blanket Babylon is a two-hour musical show with live music, brilliant performers and incredible costumes. Created by a gent named Steve Silver who is sadly no longer with us, B.B.B. sends up current politicians and celebrities and it is quite hilarious. The cast goes through hundreds of wardrobe changes and each outfit is more outrageous than the one before. That description doesn't do it justice but I really don't know how to explain what an overpowering explosion it is of grand musical comedy voices and stunning visuals. Wendy Pini, the co-creator of Elfquest, was sitting to my left and she was laughing so hard, I thought we'd have to stop the show and perform the Heimlich manuever on her.

Wendy was there with her husband Richard. Also in our party were Len Wein and his wife, Chris Valada; Marv and Noel Wolfman; Carol Lay, Paul Levitz, Paul Dini and superstar retailer Joe Ferrara and his wife, Dottie. Joe knows one of the stars of the show (the lovely and wonderful Tammy Nelson) and he arranged for the great seats.

Before the show, most of us dined at a wonderful Italian restaurant just a few doors away — Capp's Corner, where the food is superb. It really was one of those evenings that couldn't have gone better. If you're going to San Francisco, don't make sure you wear some flowers in your hair. Make sure you book tickets to see Beach Blanket Babylon. And before you do that, drop by Capp's Corner and order anything with their incredible meat sauce on it. Even the spumoni would probably be good that way.