Monthly Archives: April 2011

Senator Al Franken is demanding answers from Steve Jobs about that iPhone tracking revelation. I want answers, too. I don't want someone who hacks into my iPhone to be able to know how many times I've been over to Farmers Market for the Hot Turkey Sandwich.

Desert Island Discs has been a staple of BBC Radio since 1942. That is not a typo. The premise is pretty simple. Each week, a prominent person from some walk of life is selected to be the Castaway. The Castaway is interviewed about his or her answer to this salient question: If you were to be stranded on a desert island and you could only have five records to listen to, what would they be? Me, I'd pick a "how to" record about how to get off the damn desert island but that's not really the point of this, is it?

Over the years, hundreds of folks have been given their lists…and of course, the show's host will interview them about why they picked this one or that one and will play excerpts. An archive of more than 500 of these shows can be found here and I doubt anyone alive can browse it without finding a few who interest them. Because of music licensing costs, a lot of the tunes have been edited out of the downloadable files or truncated…but there's much there to enjoy. And I call your attention to the current show in which the selections are made by one Stephen Sondheim. Some interesting choices there, made for interesting reasons.

I have a new favorite thing to eat, ranking right up there with Five Guys burgers, the Creamy Tomato Soup at Souplantation and a few others. But before I tell you about it, I have to take you back to a time and place that no longer exists. I'm talking about the Ontra Cafeteria in Beverly Hills in the sixties…a great place to eat. As I explained here, I've always liked cafeterias. I like buffets too, not for the quantity but because I like to see my food before I commit to eating it.

My favorite thing at the Ontra — and almost the only thing I ever had there — was the Hot Turkey Sandwich. A man stood there all day, carving bird after bird. They did such a volume of business that a new one was brought out about every half hour so the turkey was always very fresh and very moist. You could get it served a number of different ways but if you were smart, you asked for the Hot Turkey Sandwich…on white, of course. The carver would lay the bread out on the plate, carve the proper amount of turkey to adorn it, add an ice cream scoopful of mashed potatoes on the side and then drench the whole thing in gravy. That was the recipe and it was a good one. Write it down. Make it. You'll see.

I've eaten Hot Turkey Sandwiches at many other places and usually been disappointed. I've had some okay ones in sit-down restaurants but I don't think I've had a really good one anywhere but in a cafeteria. In establishments where a waiter serves you, you often get turkey that's been around a while. Sometimes, you even get pressed or processed turkey which is an unspeakable horror. I'm against the Death Penalty for murdering human beings but I think it's utterly appropriate for anyone who'd make a Hot Turkey Sandwich with pressed turkey. Table service eateries never seem to have very good gravy, either.

Alas, cafeterias have largely gone away on us. In L.A., they're about as easy to find as a waiter without a screenplay. I actually do not know of a real cafeteria anywhere I ever travel. I do, however, know of a great Hot Turkey Sandwich not far from me. In fact, I walked there tonight and took the above photo of my dinner. (I didn't think to take the photo — with my new iPad, by the way — until after I'd eaten close to half.)

The location? This is the funny part. It's at Farmers Market, a local touristy-type place I've only been visiting all my life. There's been a great Hot Turkey Sandwich there for years and I only just found out about it.

It's served at Magee's Kitchen, which is the oldest business among the many stalls at Farmers Market, having opened when the whole place did in 1934. There's a man who stands there all day carving fresh roast beef, ham, turkey and corned beef…and the corned beef is also quite wonderful, I might add. That's what I've usually had when I've eaten there because while I knew they had turkey sandwiches, I didn't know they had Hot Turkey Sandwiches. Foolish me.

They added them to the menu a few years ago and I never noticed. A friend in town ordered one there, loved it and told me about it. I tried one, loved it and have since been back every few days for another. I like the turkey. I like the gravy. I like the fact that they give you your order on a tray. You really can't have a good Hot Turkey Sandwich unless it's served on a plate on a tray. In fact, I've learned that if you take the plate off the tray, the sandwich isn't quite as good.

Monday of last week after a Garfield Show recording session, I took one of our actors — Gregg Berger, voice of Odie — there for a meal. We both had the you-know-what and I reminded him to leave the plate on the tray while he ate. He liked the H.T.S. they serve about as much as I do. We had another recording the next day and during a break, we got to telling all the other thespians about the great Hot Turkey Sandwiches we'd had for lunch the day before. One of the performers was Laraine Newman, who grew up in roughly the same area as I did at the same time. When she heard me say, "They're as good or better than the ones I used to get at a local cafeteria when I was a kid," she asked me, "As good as the ones at the Ontra Cafeteria in Beverly Hills?"

She knows. And the answer is yes.

I feel like I don't belong. I don't take any of the top five drugs in this country, nor do I have the conditions that would warrant them.

It's worrisome to learn, as this article explains, that your iPhone has been tracking and recording your movements since June. Hey, never mind you. It's really worrisome that my iPhone has been tracking me since June. It's logged a trip to the Comic-Con in San Diego, a visit to Indiana, two excursions to San Francisco, 17 trips to Souplantation for Creamy Tomato Soup, 935 trips to a Ralphs Market to buy cat food and sometimes food for me, etc.

Since I haven't been anywhere I shouldn't have been, I'm not worried about sizzling revelations. I do think though it's a real bad precedent for a product to do this without telling us and without including a little "off" switch. Let's see what the Apple folks do in that direction.

Why is this post different from all the other posts I've posted? This one was sent from my new iPad. If you can read this, I've just figured out how to blog from my new iPad. If you can't read this, never mind.

Speaking of Laurel and Hardy, as we often do here: Richard Bann, who knows more about their movies than I could ever hope to know, has penned a long and informative article about film preservation and how the films of Stan and Ollie have been handled over the years. It's sad and horrifying how many great films no longer exist because someone needed shelf space or didn't want to spend a few bucks on restoration.