Monthly Archives: December 2010

Catherine Rampell figures what it might take for the Spider-Man musical in New York to recoup its initial investment. Her calculations sound way too approximate and vague to me…and like she notes, she's not including income from merchandising. She doesn't figure in the loot from the inevitable cast CD, either.

Still, it's not a bad primer for the costs of mounting a Broadway show. It all tells us something everyone probably always knew; that it will take a long time and a lot of eager ticket buyers before this thing gets within web-slinging distance of break-even. As I noted earlier, the reported size and technical requirements of the production make you wonder if they can even do a touring company, which is where a Broadway show can make a lot of money. There are shows that lose money in New York but make it back on the road. Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark may have to settle for one or two non-touring companies in other cities…say, a long run in Las Vegas. Spidey has his work cut out for him.

Costco has loads of stuff that I need and plenty of items I don't need. It also has many items I need but not in those quantities. Every time I'm in there, I see the multi-pack of French's Mustard they offer and I think, "Oh, I use French's Mustard" and make a move to put one package in my cart. Then sanity (or my reasonable facsimile) prevails and I think, "Wait a minute. I don't need that much French's Mustard! That's enough to douse ham sandwiches until the decade after next." Yes, I know the stuff keeps. Food these days does not deteriorate. Food these days is so well-packaged and filled with preservatives that it can sit on your shelf for eons. That doesn't mean it should. At the very least, I don't need to spend money now for mustard I won't use until 2022 and I could use the storage space.

First rule of Costco Shopping: Never buy anything without first answering the question, "Where am I going to put this?"

Once in a while, I see a group of friends who've gone to a Costco together as a kind of collective. They've decided to buy things they all need, split the low prices for buying in quantity, then divide up the items later. This makes a lot of sense if you can make it work for you. My last visit, I saw a kibbutz of three out in the parking lot trying to divide their purchases and it looked contentious and friendship-ending to me. One was upset that in their communal purchase of blister-packs o' batteries, they'd gotten plenty of AA and AAA but no 9-Volt, which is what he required. You know how ugly it can sometimes get when pals try to split up a restaurant check? This was worse. I actually overheard the strident phrase, "My needs are not being met."

One of the things that occasionally annoys me about Costco is something I call The Kellogg's Variety Pack Frustration. It harkens back to the day when my parents would let me pick out the cereal I wanted at the supermarket. Naturally, getting a sufficient quantity of one I liked was less important than getting those neat little boxes of them that you could stack up and play with. Why get a decent-sized box of Rice Krispies when I could get the Kellogg's Variety Pack and get a little Rice Krispies and a little Sugar Smacks and a little Sugar Frosted Flakes, etc.? It looked so great but there was that drawback…

Shredded Wheat. The cole slaw of breakfast foods.

A Kellogg's Variety Pack contained ten boxes, five to a side. On each view, I found three cereals I loved…one I could tolerate (Special K, for instance) and one I just plain didn't want. Shredded Wheat was always one. On the other side, there'd be one, as well…usually something with "bran" in the title like Raisin Bran or All-Bran. Whatever it was, it was Shredded Wheat to me. The contents changed from time to time or Kellogg's would issue other samplers. There was a variation called the Request Pack which wasn't bad but the ones I saw in our market only had six boxes and if you did the math, you paid more per little box. I really wanted the ten-pack but I didn't want the Shredded Wheat. It spoiled everything.

I remember standing in the cereal section of a Safeway once — I must have been six or seven — examining every Kellogg's Variety Pack on the shelf. Surely there would be one where someone in the plant in Battle Creek, Michigan erred…one V.P. with no Shredded Wheat and maybe an extra Sugar Corn Pops. That Shredded Wheat spoiled everything for me but I never found a package without it.

I feel that way often in a Costco. They have this nice-three pack of picnic condiments: A bottle of mustard, a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of relish. In this case, the relish is the Shredded Wheat. I never use relish. They have cases of Progresso Soups, every one of which contains two of this one I like, two of that one I like, and so on…but also has two that might as well be Cream of Shredded Wheat. There's a box of little bags of various kinds of Baked Lays chips that I'd buy except it includes Doritos…which are, after all, made out of Shredded Wheat. Or maybe All-Bran, which is just Shredded Wheat in a clever plastic disguise.

Having told you how much I love Costco, I am now attempting to be fair and balanced by telling you I don't like these assortment deals. I don't know why the case of little cans of Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and Meatballs can't be all Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and Meatballs…why it has to contain Beefaroni. Or in a non-food aisle, why the 20-pack of Gel Pens has to have 14 black, three blue and three red. It is far more likely I will need just black pens than that I will need black, blue and red in precisely that ratio. Come on, folks. Why does everything have to have Shredded Wheat in it?

If there's anyone in the L.A. area who loves to go to Costco, needs roughly the same kind of things I need but loves Shredded Wheat, let me know. I think we can work a deal and I promise you won't hear me crying, "My needs are not being met."

I apologize to my friend Paul Levitz for not mentioning these earlier. Tonight at the Hammer Museum in Westwood, there's a panel discussion keying off his new book, 75 Years of DC Comics: The Art of Modern Mythmaking. Patton Oswalt hosts a panel that includes Paul, Jim Lee and Geoff Johns discussing the history of that there company. Details here.

Then tomorrow night at the Taschen shop in Beverly Hills, there's a signing and I think you need to R.S.V.P. for it in order to attend. Go here to find out all about this one. I think I'm going to be there for that but I'm not bringing my copy in to have Paul sign it because my fork lift isn't working.

I am told that GSN is running the late night black-and-white episodes of What's My Line? and I've Got A Secret for two weeks…so enjoy 'em while you can.

Michael Kinsley has the same observation I've made here. When Republicans complain about "activist judges," they're really complaining about any judicial decision that doesn't advance their agenda. If it goes your way, it's an honest application of the Constitution.

At least a hundred thousand people have been waiting to register for next year's Comic-Con International and the folks who run that fine institution have been working to make that happen. The first couple of attempts to open online registration crashed due to overload…and now they think they have a set-up that will work. They're going to start by giving it a limited test run.

This Wednesday, December 15, one thousand badges will go on sale at 8 AM Pacific Time…only one thousand. If you want to take a stab at getting one or two of those thousand, go read this page and don't wait 'til Wednesday to read it.

If you try and don't get in, don't get irate. It's only a small percentage of the passes that will be available. I have every confidence that the convention planners will solve the problem. They always seem to be able to solve problems, which is one of the many things that impresses me about that whole operation.

Dick Cavett recalls his interviews with John Lennon…and offers a nice video of excerpts.

Hey, remember when GSN (the channel formerly known as Game Show Network) used to run vintage black-and-white episodes of What's My Line? and I've Got a Secret in their overnight lineup? Well, they seem to be back on the schedule starting tonight. Thanks to Gary Emenitove for letting me know about this.

Michael Hiltzik pens what seems to me like a very fair 'n' accurate portrait of Arnold Schwarzenegger's run as Governor of California. The laws of this state make it nearly impossible to solve its problems and Schwarzenegger failed to do the impossible.

This should not be a cause for joy or an "I told you so" for anyone. A lot of people are suffering because the situation is bad and getting worse. I read articles by people who seem to be praying for Jerry Brown to fail totally because, you know, he's a left-wing Democrat and it's awful when a left-wing Democrat makes things better. I don't understand that attitude at all.

Steve Crooks writes…

Why not tap water? We buy the Costco water for times when we need to grab a portable bottle (otherwise just drinking from the tap) simply because it's the cheapest water I've seen. Probably cheaper to keep the empties and rebottle from the tap, though. But there's a point where laziness wins.

The reason I don't drink tap water: The tap water in this area stinks. I don't just mean it doesn't taste good. I mean it stinks the way rotten cheese stinks. For about five minutes after I shower, I feel like I need a shower. Believe me: I would love it if I could just turn on a faucet here and get a drink of water but it's really, really awful.

I've had folks from the Department of Water and Power out. They tested the water and said it was safe to drink…and that since it was safe, there was nothing more they could do. There's no action they can take simply because it I find it undrinkable…and by the way, the two men who came out (separate visits) both tasted it and agreed with me that it tasted bad. One suggested that some recent underground work on the pipes might have kicked up sediment therein and that the flavor might improve in a few months as that sediment settled down again. That was three years ago and the water still induces automatic spit-takes.

I tried running it through Brita pitchers. They helped a little but not quite enough…and I found I had to change the filters a lot more often than the Brita people say should be necessary. It was kind of like: Take a sip, put in a new filter, take another sip, put in a new filter…

Buying Crystal Geyser water has ultimately proven to be about as expensive, much less hassle and it results in water that actually tastes good, as opposed to the Brita-processed kind which is just drinkable. Since water is all I drink, I don't think it's too self-indulgent to want to like it.

I am amazed that people are not madder about this. Back in the sixties, there were environmentalists (we called them "conservationalists" back then) who warned that if we kept dumping crap into our water and didn't protect it, the day would come when it would be undrinkable. Those folks were written off as kooks and hippies and nutcases…and as it has turned out, they were exactly right. Dasani and Aquafina and a thousand other labels would not be getting our money if the kooks and hippies and nutcases had been wrong. And I'd be able to drink what comes out of my faucets.

I've mentioned this before here but the only beverage that passes my lips these days is water. I was never a consumer of coffee or tea (never liked 'em), never touched alcohol and can't stand anything containing artificial sweeteners. There are some rather convincing studies that suggest things like Aspartame and Sucralose pose health risks but I don't have to decide if I those products are bad for me or not because I just plain don't enjoy the taste. My body also doesn't seem to like anything that's sweet these days so that lets out fruit juices. There was a time not that long ago when you told me I would subsist strictly on H2O, I would have told you you were unconnected to the real world…yet here I am, drinking only water and not missing the harder stuff at all.

Naturally, I have a preferred brand of water. It's Crystal Geyser, which I buy by the truckload. I buy 500 ml bottles to give to company and to carry with me in my car. I buy 1 liter bottles to have at my desk or elsewhere around the house for whenever I crave a swig. I buy gallon bottles which I use to fill up a crock in my kitchen. (I bought it here, by the way.) I buy a lot of Crystal Geyser.

They may not sell it where you live…or they may sell it under another name. Around these parts, the house-brand spring water they sell at Trader Joe's or at Whole Foods Market is Crystal Geyser in disguise. They call it what they call it but if you look carefully at the label, you may see it say something like "Bottled by CG Roxane." The "CG" stands for "Crystal Geyser." I'll bet they bottle water for other chains, as well. I'll also bet that in some parts of the country, Trader Joe's and Whole Foods get their water from someplace else.

This is something that I've occasionally been investigating on Ye Olde Internet. Costco's house brand is Kirkland…and that Kirkland is sure a diverse company. It makes drugs and food and wearing apparel and electronics and batteries and stationery supplies and soup spoons and you-name-it. But of course, there is no Kirkland factory anywhere making anything. A pharmaceutical company fills bottles of aspirin for Costco and slaps the Kirkland name on them. Other companies make the Whole Foods 365 products or all those Trader Joe's products or the house brands at your local markets. An article I read some time ago (this info may no longer be valid) said that a company named Johnson Controls made all the automotive batteries that were being sold by Costco, Sears, Walmart and several other nationwide brands…sold under the Kirkland logo, the Sears logo, etc.

In some cases, it's obvious. In some cases, there are clues on the label…or the packaging looks so similar you know. Trader Joe's sells a Teriyaki Sauce with its name on it that looks exactly like the Teriyaki Sauce manufactured by Soy Vay. In fact, Trader Joe's used to carry Soy Vay and now instead, they just happen to carry a sauce that comes in the same bottle with the same color label…plus the ingredients list is identical and the Trader Joe's Teriyaki is made in the same city. How difficult is that to figure out?

Then again, you don't know. Maybe they use cheaper, lower quality ingredients in one version. Or maybe they change the formula in ways that are not evident in an ingredients list…more of this, less of that. If Johnson Controls is still making batteries for both Costco and Walmart, maybe both lines are identical and maybe they aren't. I'm reasonably sure that since Crystal Geyser is just cleansing and bottling water from a stream, the water they sell under their own name is the same water that gets the 365 label. I think the Trader Joe's toothpaste is the same toothpaste that you can buy elsewhere (and sometimes, there) as Tom's but I'm not sure…and even if the same company makes 'em both, are they the same?

I dunno. The Whole Foods website addresses a question about who makes their 365 items by saying, "We source all of our products from outside manufacturers; however, the identity of these manufacturers is proprietary information." I assume that's because they're prepared to dump any of those suppliers and change in an instant if they get a better deal somewhere else. I'd still like to know, though. Maybe some investigative reporter could prowl around and see what he can dig up. Or maybe it'll all turn up some day soon on WikiLeaks. It doesn't seem possible to keep a secret from them and this is a lot more important than how we foolishly got into the last war and how we'll foolishly get into the next few.