Monthly Archives: July 2010

Alexander C. Hart thinks the U.S. Postal Service is a pretty efficient operation. So do I, but Hart points out why it isn't more profitable. It's because unlike most private industry, the post office actually puts money away to make good on its promises of pensions and health benefits to employees.

The world has waited way too long for someone to invent the canned sandwich.

A group of assholes have announced that they'll be picketing the Comic-Con on Thursday for 45 minutes. Yeah, I know I don't usually use language like that here but in this case, nothing less is appropriate. This is the band of Neanderthals who, in the name of The Lord, picket any public figure who isn't openly hostile to gays, including protesting at funerals. If you're not deeply religious, you ought to be horrified by these people because they spread hate and anger. If you are deeply religious, you oughta be horrified for that reason and because they make people who follow the Gospel look like…well, like assholes.

They say they'll first go over to the Manchester Hyatt and picket because the "adulterous" Al Gore is speaking there. Wasn't there something in Genesis wherein Moses laid the foundation for what we now know as "innocent until proven guilty?" Apparently, that doesn't apply when you just plain don't like the guy. This picketing is also neatly misdirected since if they get any sort of turnout at all, they'll undoubtedly cause more problems for the Hyatt than they will for Al Gore. The owner of the Hyatt, of course, was a leading backer of California's Proposition 8 so in keeping with their tradition of embarrassing those who accept Jesus as their personal saviour, they'll be picketing their own kind.

Then they're going to scurry over to the convention center and picket all of us because, as I understand, we worship comic book heroes instead of Jesus Christ…or something like that. These people have a low definition of "worship." They also will probably be small in number, which is one of the reasons we shouldn't be giving them even this much attention. All they really want are the kind of headlines you get from going where you're not wanted and causing trouble. I think we should do the worst thing possible and just ignore them. And if you're around when they're around and some TV crew grabs you and asks you to comment, just say, "It's great to have these protesters here because they make even the weirdest Comic-Con attendees look sane by comparison."

Not long ago, I was telling my friend George about visiting another fellow named George and I said, "I wrote about this a long time ago on the blog." The first George e-mailed me later and said, "I did a search and no, you didn't." Apparently, I didn't so I will now do.

Around 1986 or so, I was doing a show for Sid and Marty Krofft, who tended then to move from studio lot to studio lot. We were working on one of the older ones in Hollywood and one day, I noticed a parking space for George Burns. I owned a copy of Mr. Burns' 1955 book, I Love Her, That's Why, so I brought it into the office and left it there until a few days later when I spotted a car in his parking space. That's when I took it over to his office and asked the secretary there (a temp, I think) if I could leave it with her, have Mr. Burns autograph it to me and then pick it up later. She looked at a little 3-by-5 card I'd tucked into it with my name written out and under it, I'd added, "The name may not look it but I'm Jewish."

As I'd kinda hoped, she got on the intercom to the inner office and told her employer that a "young Jewish man" had a book he wanted signed…and I remember thinking that compared to George Burns, Jerry Lewis was a young Jewish man. I also remember a little tingle when I heard the unmistakeable voice coming back to her over that intercom. He asked, "Which book?" and was apparently impressed that it was not his recent release but rather one that suggested its possessor was a true fan. "Send him in," he said.

I was sent in. George Burns, sans toupee, was sitting behind a big desk, looking more like a captain of industry than an old vaudeville hoofer. He asked about my surname and I gave him my stock line about how it was made up by the immigration department. Some guy at Ellis Island, I explained, said, "Here come some Jews. Let's give them real stupid last names!" If I had to pay myself royalties every time I've used that joke, I couldn't afford it but it usually gets a laugh and it got a good one from George Burns.

He offered me a chair and we talked for about an hour, during which I learned that Al Jolson was a putz, Danny Kaye was a putz, Groucho Marx could be a putz at times, Eddie Cantor was rarely a putz, George Jessel was the biggest putz of them all and Milton Berle had the biggest putz of them all. We talked about the night back in '72 when Groucho did a sad (because he was so old and out of it) one-man show down at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in downtown L.A. I'd seen Mr. Burns leaving in a limo after it was over and I asked him his thoughts. As expected, they were all about how Groucho had humiliated himself and how, and I quote, "I sure hope I die before I go out that way." Years later, when Burns was approaching his 100th birthday and it was advertised that he'd perform at Caesars Palace on that milestone day, I thought of that. He did make it to 100 but didn't make it to that stage.

There were, as you might expect, a number of stories about his friend Jack Benny — who, by the way, was definitely not a putz. The one I remember best was about how in the late sixties when strip clubs began featuring total nudity, Mr. Benny couldn't believe that there were places you could go, pay five or six bucks and see beautiful 21-year-old women dancing without any covering at all. The two of them had, with dark glasses and turned-up collars, ventured into one such place once in some other city…and of course, been immediately recognized, much to their shame. Burns did a semi-decent impression of his old friend asking why didn't they have places like that when he was younger, could enjoy it more and was on radio and not so easily recognized? There were also many tales of Burns sending Benny into fits of unrestrained laughter. Mr. Benny was a famously good audience.

So was I that day. As it started to feel like it was past time for me to go, Burns said he'd enjoyed talking to me as "batting practice" for the big game later that day when he'd be sitting in Johnny Carson's guest chair. He had a piece of paper on which he'd jotted down some lines he intended to use. The main topic was to be how he was dating a woman in her forties — "robbing the cradle" was how he described it — and he read aloud a couple of things he intended to say and asked if I thought they were funny. I told him which ones I thought were and then said, "Why don't you have Johnny ask you why you don't date women your own age? And then you say, 'There aren't any.'" Burns laughed, thanked me and wrote it down. Sure enough, that evening on The Tonight Show, there it was. Got a darn good laugh, too.

That's just about all there is to this story. Before I finished my Krofft job and checked off the lot, I stopped in two or three other times for briefer chats. George (he finally asked me to call him that) always greeted me by asking, "Did you get laid last night?" Even if I hadn't, I told him I had and he'd sound amazingly like George Burns when he muttered, "Good, good." Once, I asked him, "Never mind me. Did you get laid last night?" He answered, "Of course…that is, if by 'last night,' you mean 1957." Then he grinned and added, "Actually, it was more like 1970 but 1957 is funnier."

He was right, you know. 1957 is funnier. So was he.

Yes, it sure does! And the entire programming schedule is now online! You can find out what's happening there Thursday! You can find out what's happening there Friday! You can find out what's happening there Saturday! You can even find out what's happening there Sunday!

And I'll save you the trouble of weeding through the whole four day schedule, searching for the important events — i.e., the ones I'm on. Here is my schedule of the stuff I'll be doing there. Here…I even made up one of these cute little banners you can click on if that excites you…

As I mentioned, the convention website is full of useful info that'll help you maximize your Comic-Congoing with a little preparation. Check out this PDF map of where the programming rooms are located in the hall. There are some new ones this year…rooms so new I've never hosted an event in them. And make sure you read this if you're attending programs.

I'll be back later here to answer some more questions about the con.

I don't do this for everyone but I've been real impressed by the small press comics that cartoonist Ryan Claytor produces through his firm, Elephant Eater Press. Small press publishing is for the most part, a kind of guerilla cartooning. You need to write and draw, of course, but at times that becomes the easy part…because you then have to go out and aggressively sell your work and trudge to convention after convention, bookstore after bookstore. I have great respect for anyone who does it at all even if, as is often the case, the product itself leaves me cold.

That is not the case with Ryan, whose work is very good. And if your work is good and you have the passion to do what he does, trucking about the land to promote your wares, you could do worse than read his website, where he has a lot of useful thoughts and info about small press publishing. Come to think of it: While you're over there, buy something, for Pete's sake. You too will be impressed with this man's work.

And if you don't have the energy to mouse on over to where he is, take heart. He may be coming to you. Ryan's about to launch another tour, shlepping from town to town — 25 different stops in 15 states and 5 Canadian provinces. Yow. Here's his schedule. If he's coming anywhere near you, go meet him, buy some books and get them signed. I don't promote a lot of stuff like this but I'm promoting Ryan because I like what he does.

Matt Taibbi makes me sorry I missed the big LeBron James interview.

Here's one of those questions I said people should send in, though she sent it in before I posted that. Jennifer Luchsinger writes to ask…

I am new to Comic-Con (been there '08, '09, '10). I like to ask questions of the panelists, but after making a total idiot of myself with Kevin Smith in '08 ( just to put it in perspective, he asked me if I was into getting tied up…in front of the crowd in Ballroom 20. Oh, my.) I wish to make my inquiries a bit more specific and relevant to the panelists in which I am interested. (…and to answer KS's question, the answer is "no." :) ) I'm just your basic geeky fangirl who loves comics and creativity, and wants to know more about the people who bring them to life.

Having been a panel moderator for what now amounts to years, can you think of any questions that can be (or should have been) avoided in a panel? How do I word potential questions to the panelists to make them time-efficient? I'd like to ask questions that are things most people (or fans) might like to know, and make them timely and present-relevant. Any ideas? An answer would be gratefully accepted.

Well, you just asked a perfectly good question there, Jennifer. Let me see if I can lay out ten simple rules that will help not just you but anyone who tries to ask a question from the floor, any floor…

1. Listen to the panel before you ask something. You'd be amazed at the number of people who ask a question and the answer is something that the panelist said forty minutes ago. If you came in late or weren't paying attention, maybe you shouldn't have the floor.
2. There's a rule most lawyers have in grilling someone on a witness stand: Never ask a question if you don't know how they'll answer. You don't have to follow that rule in asking questions at a panel, either as a moderator or audience member, but there's also nothing wrong with it. A lot of times, I know the person has a great story about eating a cheese sandwich so I ask, "Could you tell that great story about eating cheese sandwiches?" Or maybe, if I'm lucky, I can be more graceful about it and still achieve the same result. This is what most TV talk show hosts do for a living. Johnny Carson would say to a guest, "Someone told me you had a weird experience in a canoe." Roughly translated, that meant: "The Talent Coordinator who did your pre-interview suggested I set you up to tell that canoe story you told them." And don't think Johnny didn't know exactly how the canoe story went before he asked for it. It's fine to ask someone a question for which they might not have a great answer…but it's also not a sin to set them up to tell a good story. Just don't pretend too much that it's spontaneous or you'll look like an audience plant.
3. The faster you can get to the question, the better.
4. And if there are multiple folks up there, preface the question by saying if it's to one of them, two of them, all of them, whatever.
5. Most panelists do not like vague questions like, "What's it like to be so famous?" or "What was it like to work with So-and-so?" There are exceptions to this but usually, a question that includes the phrase, "What was it like…?" is too vague a question. Vague questions usually lead to vague answers, and vague answers aren't usually that interesting.
6. Here's a way you can be valuable. You've been sitting, listening to the discussion before they get to the part where the audience gets to ask things. Did you notice something missing? Some important area that got skipped over by accident? Someone recently sent me a recording of a two-hour panel discussion with Mel Brooks, Susan Stroman and other folks who were behind staging The Producers on Broadway. For some reason — and I'm sure it wasn't a deliberate snub — they got through the whole thing without mentioning Nathan Lane. If I'd been there and able to ask a question, it would have been about him. And I'll betcha the folks on stage would have been grateful that someone caught their glaring oversight.
7. In much the same way: Sometimes, you go to a panel with six people on it and only five of them get to speak. So direct a question to that quiet, neglected person.
8. No one appointed you spokesperson. Sentences should not start with phrases like, "On behalf of everyone here…" and "I know I speak for everyone in the room…" People who say this stuff don't seem to comprehend the difference between an applause-evoking compliment and a question.
9. On the other hand, ask something on behalf of everyone. I've had people get up at the mike and act like they're having a private conversation with a panelist, discussing some personal matter that would only be of interest to them.
10. Mainly, remember it's not about you. This is probably the biggest problem and it's the reason a lot of panels don't do Q-and-A with the audience. Too many questioners don't really have a question. They just want to talk about themselves in front of an audience and maybe pretend they have some sort of relationship with the important people on stage. So the rule here is don't talk about your life, your career, your work, how you discovered the panelists' work, etc. It's possible to craft a reasonable question that might require you to allude to such things…but don't.

The Saturday programming schedule for Comic-Con is now up. Some real good stuff on there. I'll be hosting the annual Quick Draw! at 12:30 and then in the same room (6CBF), my comrade Earl Kress and I will be co-hosting the first of two big Cartoon Voice panels that weekend at 1:45. A lot of folks like to get seats for the first and stay over, treating these back-to-back events as a double feature. We have some big surprises planned for both presentations.

Later in the day, I'm hosting a panel with Neal Adams, Denny O'Neil and Paul Levitz discussing the seventies' revamp of Batman. It's called "Taking Back the Knight" and it's at 4 PM in Room 8. Then at 7:30 in Room 4, I'm moderating a tribute to the late and very great Dick Giordano and at 8:30, I hustle back to 6CBF for the world premiere of a new documentary about Stan "the Man" Lee with a panel discussion to follow after.

This year, the convention is spilling out more to nearby hotels. I never thought this would work. There's so much to see and do in that main building that I doubted people would want to leave it and shlep to somewhere else. But they have such tempting program items at some of the off-site locales that it just might get attendees to do that. Anyway, when you check the schedule, you might want to consult a map and see how close some of those venues are. They may be closer than you think.

And I'll mention one more that always amuses me: The Ralphs Market at 101 G Street, which is a 5-10 minute walk from the convention center. (Because of the way the streets are laid out, it's faster to walk there than to drive. Or if you feel your life is meaningless and won't mind it ending, you can take one of those pedal-cabs and have a reckless teenager haul you there.) The market is open 24 hours and in the evening, you can find an awful lot of conventioneers roaming its aisles, stocking up on food and supplies. One year, I actually ran into an editor there and picked up a new assignment along with a bag of Baked Ruffles and some luncheon meat.

Hey, I'll be answering questions here about the con for the next ten or eleven days. Send in anything you'd like to see discussed. We're here to help.

Penn & Teller are performing in London this week. Here's a long profile of them in a London newspaper.

Penn, by the way, has a new series of ranting podcasts up on the web. I used to like listening to the guy but some of these…well, watch a few and see what you think. It's starting to feel to me like his whole life is like his act where he does all the talking and never has to listen. I started writing but haven't completed a post here about how I think their Showtime series is really good some weeks, really awful in others, and the difference isn't at all because of when I think they're right.

He and Teller, by the way, are doing a one-hour presentation/talk at the Comic-Con on Thursday evening, July 22.

Here's another of the 72 million reasons why I love the Internet. A few hours ago, I posted the piece below about Martin Bolger, a film editor who lived down the block from us when I was a kid. Bill Mullins just sent me a copy of an obit from the Los Angeles Times for January 12, 1966. It says, in part…

Funeral services for Martin W. Bolger, 72, one of Hollywood's first film editors, will be held at 1 p.m. today at Mt. Sinai Memorial Park Chapel.

Mr. Bolger died Monday at the 20th Century-Fox Western Ave. studio, where he was supervisor of the film negative editing department.

In the film industry 50 years, he edited the Keystone Kops comedies for Mack Sennett. He later was associated with Hal Roach and Warner Bros. and for many years with 20th Century-Fox.

1966 sounds about right to me. You'll see I said I met him when I was about 12 or 13 (which would have been 1964 or 1965) and that he passed away a few years later. I don't recall him mentioning work for Sennett, but he might have. I'm sorry I didn't take along a tape recorder for our conversation…or even really know what to ask the man. There was probably a lot of movie history I could have preserved there.