Monthly Archives: June 2010

Hey, if you think I have to deal with a lot of obituaries, take a gander at what my buddy Leonard Maltin has to put up with.

Recently, I sat for a couple of interviews for the obits of famous folks who haven't died yet but probably will in the next few years. It's a creepy practice but probably necessary. And I kinda like the fact that when Bob Hope died in 2003, the obituary that the New York Times ran was written by Vincent Canby…who died in 2000.

My friend Dave Schwartz (not to be confused with the other Dave Schwartz I know or the other Dave Schwartz I know or even the other Dave Schwartz I know) writes…

I worked with Wayland Flowers and Madame on Solid Gold in the early 1980's. He was a really nice man. He got me tickets one night to see him perform at the Roxy and he was much, much funnier than he was on television. He did a more risqué show than he could have performed on TV and it was very, very funny. I remember one of the jokes in the show had to do with a new home he had purchased and how run down it was. He called it, "Casa Tastrophe."

Anyway, just to add something to what you wrote on your site today… I spent some time as a stand-in on the Solid Gold show. That means if Wayland Flowers was going to do a routine with Andy Gibb or Marilyn McCoo, I stood in for the star while they were getting the lighting set on stage.

One of these times they brought Wayland out and I was standing on stage and we started a conversation. However, I didn't include Madame in the discussion. And that was the thing… if Wayland was operating Madame, you had better not ignore her. As Wayland and I spoke, before long Madame started darting around impatiently in front of me. And the more I talked with Wayland the more incensed she got at being ignored! I can't exactly describe it, but it was clear she had a personality completely distinct from Wayland and as long as Wayland had her on his arm, she came alive.

From my discussions with him, I can tell you that Wayland was an extremely nice man. I hope that somewhere there is footage of his live shows. It would certainly be worth seeing.

Apparently, there is. As a couple of folks have written to inform me, there is another performer — Rick Skye — who has inherited the act and who works with Madame, primarily in casinos and cabarets. He maintains this website and somewhere in there, you'll find an offer for a DVD of what they admit is not the best recording of a Wayland Flowers performance — but at least it's something.

By the way: This particular Dave Schwartz is the Dave Schwartz I've known the longest of all the Dave Schwartzes I know. Once upon a time, he was a production assistant on Solid Gold and I remember visiting the set one day there when the dancers were trying to teach him to do the dance routine that ran under the closing credits. This was a little like trying to teach a rhinoceros how to tightrope-walk but, hey, Dave gave it his all. He does a lot of daring things…and one recently was to make a video of a stand-up routine and —

Well, here: I'll let him tell you what he did. If you want to see an example of great courage, take a look.

Remember Wayland Flowers and Madame? Mr. Flowers was a devastatingly-funny puppeteer who moved from the gay cabaret scene into mainstream TV in the sixties and seventies. The act was the perfect example of the old saw that the ventriloquist's dummy can always get away with saying things that the ventriloquist could not. I never saw him perform live but folks who did all raved and said, as they do of some comedians, "You haven't seen him if you've only seen him on television."

I did briefly meet Wayland Flowers backstage when he was doing his 1982 TV series, Madame's Place on a stage that adjoined one where I was working. His program was being done on a very low budget…so low that they had to tape a couple of shows per day in order to bring it in for the money they had. That might have been fine but someone had forgotten something…which was that there's a simply physical limit to how long a puppeteer can keep the old arm extended in the air. The one time I got to spend any time with Jim Henson, I remember him talking about that and about the time Kermit filled in for Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. Mr. Henson said, approximately, "It wasn't until I was out there doing the monologue that I suddenly realized, 'Oh, my God! I have to keep my arm up for ninety minutes.' We'd usually tape four or five minutes, take a ten minute break, tape four or five more…"

They figured that out when they started taping Madame's Place. The schedule simply demanded more of Flowers than he could handle. You remember those photos of Sandy Koufax after he pitched a game? The ones where he'd be in the clubhouse and they'd be packing his throwing arm in ice to bring down the swelling and pain? Well, one day I walked into the Make-Up Area on the show I was doing and Wayland Flowers was in there with his puppeteering arm soaking in a small Whirlpool of icy H2O, and he seemed to be in a great deal of agony.

We got to chatting…and I think he was talking to me mainly to get his mind off his arm, though we did talk about that, too. There was then, he said, talk of hiring a "stunt puppeteer" to switch off with him working Madame. When the other guy was doing it, Wayland would have been off-camera providing the voice. He didn't like that idea, he said. No one else had ever operated Madame…and puppeteers can get very protective and proprietary about their kids. He didn't want someone else's hand in there and he was also worried about maintaining a consistent performance. The precise way Madame moved — "her special rhythm," as he called it — was as much a part of the character as anything else. Then again, he was suffering a lot and they had something like fifty episodes left to shoot. I never heard if they wound up bringing in someone to relieve him or if he toughed it out.

That was in '82. Six years later, he passed away from one of those ugly, AIDS-related diseases.

According to his Wikipedia page, Flowers bequeathed his estate, including his puppets, to his manager, Marlena Shell. It also says there that Madame now resides in the permanent collection of the Center for Puppetry Arts in Atlanta, Georgia…and sure enough, that institution's website lists Madame as being resident and as a gift of Marlena Shell. But either there were two puppets (quite possible) or the old broad's gone and busted out of the joint.

The auction house called Profiles in History is having a sale of Hollywood memorabilia next week and one of the "items" up for bid is Madame, as shown above, complete with "fainting couch." The estimated price is $25,000 to $30,000. I hope she finds a good home.

The L.A. Times has a good editorial up about the bad umpire call the other day. As they noted, Major League Baseball does allow for the consultation of an instant replay to check on a disputed home run.

Commissioner Bud Selig today made kind of a half-assed "we'll look into it" statement. How about this, Bud? I know you don't like the idea of letting the replay overrule every arguable call because it will slow the game down. But how about permitting it if a review is requested by the umpire who made the call and the managers of both teams? This particular call is not controversial. The outcome of the game did not turn on it. The Cleveland Indians could have no rational motive to not allow the Detroit pitcher to have his achievement properly recognized…and if they did? Well, let the fans boo them instead of the umpire and the Commissioner.

In-and-Out Burger has long confined its burgering to California, Arizona, Utah and Nevada. Other states have begged them to expand into new territories but they've always refused…'til now. It's just been announced that at some as-yet-undetermined date, there will be In-and-Out in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. One presumes that if this works out, there'll soon be spreading in all directions.

I need to try In-and-Out again. As I mentioned here, I've been disappointed in my last few visits and have been trying to decide if my taste buds are changing or if I just plain got some bad burgers. I hope when they get to Dallas, they're as good as I used to think they were…and may still be.

Keith Olbermann has some good perspective on this matter, which we mentioned here, where an umpire made an admittedly-bad call and cost Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga a Perfect Game. And for all the booings and cursing at that ump, Jim Joyce, he's certainly being a mensch about it and owning up to his error.

I can understand the reticence of the Baseball Commissioner to not start a precedent of overruling umpires…but it has been done before and in this case, it in no way would affect the outcome of the game. Also, the umpire who made the call is asking for the reversal. Seems to me the game itself is diminished if it so favors a strict interpretation of some rule over simple honesty.

[P.S. Added a bit later: I should have added that the pitcher, Armando Galarraga, has also been a fine gentleman about it all. Also, I fixed a link that didn't link.]

James Bond's Aston Martin. Complete with ejector seat.

That's a photo of John Kander and Fred Ebb, the songcrafting team reponsible for (among many others), Chicago, Cabaret, Steel Pier, Kiss of the Spider Woman and Woman of the Year. Oh, yeah…and they also wrote the song, "New York, New York," the royalties from which have probably paid them more than most tune writers see in a lifetime. Mr. Ebb — he's the one at right — is no longer with us. Mr. Kander, happily, is…and he's still writing, in some cases to finish unfinished Kander & Ebb projects.

He doesn't give a lot of interviews so it's exciting to see this site which features a long one plus a video of some excerpts. Thanks to Bob Elisberg for telling me about it so I could tell you about it.

Jim Guida informs me that there are no in-and-out privileges. Once you take your car out, you can't come back in.

Turner Classic Movies will remember Dennis Hopper with a little film fest the evening of Tuesday, June 8. They'll be running The Sons of Katie Elder, True Grit, Rebel Without a Cause, Easy Rider and Night Tide. Five good movies.

The most recent Lewis Black concert film, which was first offered as a pay-per-view event, comes to Comedy Central on Saturday, June 12. It'll probably be heavily bleeped so you may want to opt for the DVD version of Stark Raving Black, which will be released the following week. Here's an Amazon link to get yourself a copy.

Fred Kaplan thinks Israel's storming of the Mavi Marmara was a big mistake in many ways.

Who holds the record for the most Emmy nominations without a win? The answer may surprise you. (Hint: It's not me. I've only been nominated 3 or 4 times, depending on how you count. That's nothing compared to someone who's been up for 22 of those statues without taking one home.)

And by the way: The article is wrong to say Bob Newhart has never won an Emmy. The Bob Newhart Show — his first series, many years before the one in which he played a psychologist — won in the category of "Outstanding Program Achievement in the Field of Humor" at the 1961-1962 Emmy ceremony.