Monthly Archives: June 2010

You know what this world needs? More jobs? Less oil slicks? No killing? All true…but not as much as it needs the Elvis Presley version of Mr. Potato Head.

Paul Starobin on what we expect of our presidents. Frankly, all I expected of Barack Obama was that he not be George W. Bush. And so far, he's only letting me down about a third of the time in that regard.

Years ago, a friend of mine and I were thinking of starting a company called Time2Go. Here's the idea: Let's say you're a celebrity…most likely, a performer. This is primarily intended for the older celebrity but since we came up with this concept, I've noticed a number of younger ones who could have benefited from it.

You sign up with us, pay us a reasonable fee and then we monitor your public appearances and interviews and talk show guestings. If at some point, we feel that you're getting embarrassing and starting to undo your reputation, we come to you, tap you on the shoulder and tell you in a gentle but firm way, "It's time to go." In other words, get off the stage, retire, bow off gracefully. And you can set different levels of embarrassment. You can say to us, "Tap me when it gets as bad as Groucho near the end." Or "Tap me when I hit Milton Berle level." You could even specify how many shreds of dignity you wish to maintain, all the way from 10 (George Burns) down to 1 (George Jessel).

I think we can all name a lot of folks who could have used this service. Some of them are still alive and doing their best to obliterate all remnants of past greatness. It's like they're determined to leave the lasting image of that old, not-completely-coherent spotlight hog who can't do what he or she used to be able to do that made them famous in the first place.

Such a service would also serve politicians well. There are a lot of different opinions as to when Ted Kennedy should have retired but I don't think there's anyone who thinks he didn't stay around at least a term or three too long. And all this is leading up to me discussing Helen Thomas, the veteran reporter who was recently forced into retirement when she said something stupid about Israel. Even people who agree with her about Israel were uncomfy with how she said it…and I'm afraid that may be the enduring memory of what was once a darn good reporter.

I'm reminded of something once said about her by Dan Rather…another individual who could have used this service, by the way. He said — this is approximate — "Helen always drives the White House mad because she's so totally unpredictable. Before a press conference, Richard Nixon could and probably did have his aides draw up a list of one hundred possible questions he'd be asked and he'd be prepped to speak on any of them. Helen's question would not be on that list…ever. If anyone at the press conference asked something that totally stumped the man at the podium and left him looking uninformed, it would be Helen."

I love the concept of someone playing that role. After I heard Rather say that, I started following her and he was absolutely right. If you got a job as a White House Correspondent, wouldn't you be proud to have that reputation?

And she did it to every president. She was obviously Liberal but no one asked Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton rougher questions than Helen Thomas, who never lobbed a softball in her life. There were those who complained she was "biased" in her reporting but the complainers were always the kind of person whose idea of "fair" is to hammer the other guy and make their side look good. She gave it to everyone.

I'm not sure when she should have been tapped…obviously, well before her Israel comments. Maybe some time in the last decade or so when she wrote a highly-charged, read-by-almost-no-one political column. I agreed with much of what she wrote but found myself wishing we had a more effective, persuasive columnist out there saying those things. Actually, if she'd retired sooner and moved into Elder Stateswoman mode instead of trying to mix it up with the current rabble of pundits, someone might have listened to her now and then.

I am not suggesting that everyone should retire when they reach any certain age. I have nothing but admiration for folks who can go on doing what they do — acting, writing, lecturing, breakdancing, whatever — into their eighties and nineties and I intend to do my darnedest to be one of them. But a guy who pole-vaults for a living reaches a point where he has to accept that he can't do it anymore and he wisely, you can only hope, will reconfigure his life minus that activity. With something like writing or appearing before the masses, it's a little harder to tell when that time comes, which is why my friend and I dreamed up that service we never launched. Some people simply need to be told before they do what Helen Thomas did and end their careers, not with a triumphant march into retirement but with a shamed slink to the sidelines.

About every twenty minutes, someone announces a new plan to link Los Angeles and Las Vegas. No one actually goes much beyond the announcement stage and I'm kinda skeptical any of 'em will. Some propose to use existing rails. That means they'd be slow and clunky and a lot of those rails apparently need major repairs. But the proposals that plan to lay new tracks would cost zillions. So none of the ideas look too promising…and it's also worth noting that some wouldn't even connect L.A. and Vegas. They'd link Anaheim or Victorville to Vegas. Even after reading this article, I don't understand why no one can make L.A. to Vegas work.

Josh Marshall explains the current Boehner-related controversy over the liability of British Petroleum for the spill. Looks like if certain folks have their way, American taxpayers are going to pay a lot of money for damage done by the spill.

I'm a big fan of Cirque du Soleil shows. I don't always get the ethereal storylines or this concept of having odd people wander on and off the stage for no reason…but I usually walk out feeling I got my bucks' worth just for witnessing a few someones do the impossible, right before my orbs. There were few such moments in Zumanity, which I saw Tuesday evening in Las Vegas, and only a few. The best, which came early on, involved two lovely ladies sliding in and out of a huge glass fishbowl of water, balancing on a rim around it and bending their fine forms into impossible contortions. It was amazing, sexy and, for me, the highlight of what otherwise was a disappointing presentation.

Not that I'm sorry I went with my friends. Cirque, even bad Cirque, is interesting…but I'm inclined to agree with those who suggest that maybe, opening show after show as they are, the company is spreading itself too thin, running out of jaw-dropping acrobats and interesting variations on what are, for the most part, the same acts. Everyone says Love, the Beatles-themed Cirque show, is astounding but some of the others are getting panned…and it wasn't that long ago that nothing Cirque du Soleil did evoked even tepid reviews.

And there's another problem: Zumanity is supposed to be "The sensual side of Cirque du Soleil." That's a nice way of saying "naughty." So the performers don't wear much clothing…but beyond that, the makers don't seem to have a lot of ideas about what makes this an adult show. The ladies slithering in and out of the fishbowl were a good start, and there's one woman who floats over the arena on straps and seems to have a zero-gravity orgasm…but for the most part, the ribald content is supplied by a number of performers who come out and involve audience members in little routines, dragging them up on stage to participate and talking with them about body parts and humping. One thing Cirque du Soleil has never been good at is talking…and some of the audience participation was just embarrassing, if not for the luckless draftees than certainly for those of us who had to sit through their on-stage awkwardness.

Ultimately, I emerged with my jaw largely-undropped. The physical feats were expert but largely repetitious (a lot of swinging around the room on drapes and wires) and there wasn't one where I could barely believe my eyes. That's never happened to me before with a Cirque du Soleil show. I will say the costuming was nice (what there was of it) and the music was fine…or would have been if we hadn't been sitting too close to a speaker. Bottom line: There are 744 other Cirque du Soleil shows in Las Vegas, not counting the three they're opening next week in local Baja Fresh outlets, and I would recommend all of them over Zumanity.

William Saletan has an interesting perspective on the big oil spill.

I must admit I find the whole thing horrifying, particularly because on Monday, the news says "The spill is catastrophic" and then on Tuesday, the news says "The spill may be worse than we said on Monday," and then on Wednesday, they're saying, "The spill may be worse than we said on Tuesday" and so forth.

Lawrence Dietz thinks the best hamburger in town is the one served at Cassell's down on 6th Street. If we leave out the ones Carolyn makes for me, I agree…and so was sorry to hear of the passing of Al Cassell last week. The current version of his little open-for-lunch-only eatery is good but his version, before he sold out and retired, was wonderful and he was obviously the reason. The publicity for the place stressed how compulsive Mr. Cassell was about only using the best meat, making his own mayonnaisse, designing his own unique grill, etc. When you saw him in action, it was easy to believe the hype.

One of the things I like about the place — and this ties in with what I was ranting here about recently regarding restaurants that give you too many ingredients — is that the quality at Cassell's is there before you add toppings…and you add your own. They just give you cooked meat on a bun and it's good enough to eat without adding all the frosting. Mr. Cassell also invented and offered, as a free add-on with your burger, an odd kind of homemade potato salad laced with spicy mustard. I don't like spicy mustard…and when you scoop a scoop of Cassell's potato salad onto your plate, you're gambling as to whether you'll get a lump with a little spice or a lot. But it's usually a good gamble and it's made with real mayo, which they also make on the premises.

In case you can't tell, I like this place…though I must admit I liked it more when Al Cassell was running it.

Airline pilot Patrick Smith explains why your plane often sits on the ground before taking off.

Those of you who missed the effervescent Shelly Goldstein in her recent, sold-out Magic Castle appearance will be glad to hear the following: Shelly's not only performing again in Southern California, she's teamed with the acclaimed comedy team of Victoria Zielinski and Paul Barrosse for an evening of silly sketches and silly songs out at the Push Lounge in Woodland Hills. Previews begin tonight. Show are Thursday through Sundays, June 10-13; 17-20 and 24-27. You can find out more and reserve to be there on this page. Sounds like a great show.

Hey, check out this gallery of movie posters redone to reflect some films' original casting plans.

Once again, avoiding obvious jokes about giving the Finger, we have this to proclaim…

SAN DIEGO – Comic-Con International is proud to announce that Otto Binder and Gary Friedrich have been selected to receive the 2010 Bill Finger Award for Achievement in Comic Book Writing. The choices made by a blue-ribbon committee chaired by writer-historian Mark Evanier were unanimous.

"This is an award about excellence and about contributions to the field which have not received the recognition they deserve," Evanier explains. "Bill Finger sure merited more acclaim than he got and in his name, we try to honor others who have been similarly overlooked. Many people know of and love the work of Otto Binder and Gary Friedrich. Not nearly enough know the names of the men who created that work."

Gary Friedrich was a member of the legendary Marvel Bullpen of the sixties, joining the company in 1967 after a brief stint working for Charlton Comics on strips that included Blue Beetle and The Sentinels. For Marvel, he began with westerns and quickly segued to super-hero features including The X-Men, The Incredible Hulk, and Marvel's version of Captain Marvel. He distinguished himself with a long, memorable run writing Sgt. Fury and his Howling Commandos, and in 1972 introduced a new, memorable character with the name of Ghost Rider, which has had a successful run in publishing and which in 2007 resulted in a major motion picture bringing the fiery hero to the screen.

Otto Binder sold the first of hundreds of science-fiction stories in 1930 at the age of 19. Within a few years, he was a major contributor to pulp magazines, and when comic books came along, he was an early entrant in that field and one of its most prolific writers. He was the primary scripter for the original Captain Marvel, authoring nearly a thousand stories — approximately half — of those featuring that hero and allied characters. It was largely due to Binder's work for Fawcett Comics that Captain Marvel became the bestselling superhero of his era. Binder also found time over the years to write for Timely Comics, Quality, MLJ, Western Publishing and EC. In 1948 he began working for DC Comics and soon was writing Superman. In the course of writing that character he introduced such important, lasting elements of the mythos as Supergirl, Brainiac, Krypto the Super Dog, and The Legion of Super-Heroes. Binder passed away in 1974.

The Bill Finger Award honors the memory of William Finger (1914-1974), who was the first and, some say, most important writer of Batman. Many have called him the "unsung hero" of the character and have hailed his work not only on that iconic figure but on dozens of others, primarily for DC Comics. The Bill Finger Award was instituted in 2005 at the instigation of comic book legend Jerry Robinson, who worked with Finger on the original Golden Age Batman.

In addition to Evanier, the selection committee consists of Charles Kochman (executive editor at Harry N. Abrams, book publisher), comic book artist-historian Jim Amash, writer Tony Isabella, and writer/editor Marv Wolfman.

The 2010 awards are underwritten by Comic-Con International. DC Comics is the major sponsor; supporting sponsors are Heritage Auctions and Maggie Thompson.

The Finger Award is presented under the auspices of Comic-Con International: San Diego and is administered by Jackie Estrada. The awards will be presented during the Eisner Awards ceremony at this summer's Comic-Con on the evening of July 23 at the San Diego Hilton Bayfront.

Just because I can, I'm blogging from the buffet at the Luxor in Las Vegas. Lunch here is $15.95 and thanks to my Gastric Bypass Surgery, I was able to eat about four bucks worth. This is the same rate of return you get on your money with Keno.

Speaking of the flight home: My old buddy Joe Brancatelli, who knows the travel biz as well as anyone, can explain to you why you may not have a clue as to how much you're paying to fly somewhere.