Monthly Archives: June 2010

Most of the comic news sites are reporting the death of the great comic artist (and one hell of a great guy), Al Williamson. This would not be surprising as we've been hearing for some time now that Al was in failing health. However, we have our own little standards about sourcing on this kind of thing and so far, I haven't heard the news from a firm enough source that I'm going to presume it's so and post an obit. You understand.

I thought Sean Hayes did a fine job hosting the Tony Awards despite a surplus of tech screw-ups and missed cues. Is it obligatory that every year, the opening musical number has to start with someone's microphone off?

But there were enough nice moments that I wasn't bored…and hey, who would have thought the steamiest heterosexual moment on television this year would be on the Tony broadcast and would involve Kristen Chenoweth and a gay guy? And Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth managed to achieve that rare feat: Being funny as presenters. (For those of you who thought Lane's quip about Passover sounded familiar, you're right. It's a famous line from the Academy Awards uttered there by Mr. Robert Hope.)

As usual, a lot of awards went to people most of us never heard of before for work in shows most of us will never see. But I suspect Memphis won big, not just in the awards department but in the real competition, which is to stage a scene from your show that will make people want to buy tickets. By contrast though, the excerpt from La Cage aux Folles had the opposite effect, at least on me.

I haven't been to New York in a while and have been hoping to get back there before the year is out, maybe before the summer is over. Wish I'd been there in the preceding months so I could have seen some shows and had some rooting interest.

Sam Adams notes the departure of Dr. Demento from conventional radio and the decline of unconventional (i.e., novelty) records.

Here's an article about a Bob Hope exhibit going up at the Library of Congress in Washington. There's also a little discussion in there about Mr. Hope's personal politics.

If anyone's interested in researching that topic, they oughta dig up a couple of interviews he did in the late sixties (I believe) with the late Lou Gordon, who ran a very smart political interview show out of Detroit. He quizzed and debated Hope about things like the Vietnam War and then-current topics, and it was quite interesting. I loved what Bob did in front of an audience to amuse but his knowledge of politics at that time sounded to me like he was just reading it all off cue cards held by Spiro Agnew.

One of Hope's writers told me that Bob, he thought, worked backwards from the belief that regardless of who was in the White House or how the country was going, he oughta be the Comedian to the President. It was a matter of importance, not worldview. So his stance was whatever would get him into that position and keep him there. The writer said he thought the only real conviction Hope had was that rich people shouldn't pay more taxes than their servants.

Anyway, read the article. And take a look at that great photo atop the Times piece and see how many stars in it you can identify. Laurel and Hardy are in there, though not together.

While in Vegas last week, I spent some time with my buddy Michael (we call him Mickey) Paraskevas, a talented illustrator (mainly of books 4 kids) and producer. Some of the things Mickey produces have real budgets and appear on real TV networks…and some of them are The Cheap Show, which he does for around eleven dollars an episode for public access TV and podcasts.

Last week was Mickey's first visit to Las Vegas and he walked around with that "Springtime for Hitler" look at times but ultimately liked the city enough that he's eager to return. He kept saying to me, "I see why you like this place." It also didn't hurt that something happened to him which seems to happen often to Vegas first-timers: He won. Granted, it was only about a hundred bucks on a slot machine but that's enough to (a) produce nine-and-a-half more episodes of The Cheap Show and (b) make him think it's always that easy. One of the things on which Las Vegas thrives is returnees trying to recreate the dumb luck they had on their first visit.

So here, if you've got the three minutes, is an appropriate episode of The Cheap Show from a while back. In it, Duncan Biscotti (played by Mickey) and Pico Smiley head for Sin City with Duncan at the wheel and Baby in the back seat. The role of Baby was played by Mickey's peachy mother, Betty Paraskevas, who left us a few weeks back. When Mickey and I were at the Licensing Show in Vegas, every single person we encountered had to tell him how much they missed Betty. Including me.

Roger Ebert, who's been making up for not being able to speak by Twittering, discusses why he Twitters. Or Tweets. Or whatever the correct verb is.

Tonight on Comedy Central: Lewis Black. Tonight on HBO: Robert Klein. Make yourself a tuna sandwich and enjoy.

As I mentioned here last week, I've learned to never order a tuna sandwich in a restaurant. They so rarely make them the way I want which is as follows: Tuna (preferably chunk light) mixed with not-too-much mayo or Miracle Whip, spread on white bread or a white bun…with no enhancements. No celery. No lettuce. No little bits of chopped-up pickle or olives. No dill. No Dijon mustard. No yogurt dressing. I was once in a restaurant where the server assured me their tuna salad was just tuna plus mayo. When it came, it was that…plus diced almonds. Back it went.

Tuna sandwiches are one of the things that linger well inside my gastric-bypassed, allergy-laced stomach and then move happily on. At least they do the way I make 'em. First, I get those StarKist foil "no drain" packets of Chunk Light. They're easier to use and I think they taste better.

I used to get the kind packed in Sunflower Oil — which since it wasn't going to be drained, barely had any oil in it. Sadly, the trend in this area seems to be to tuna packed in water. The same America that's embracing the KFC Double Down is trying to show some good faith by going from tuna packed in oil to tuna packed in water, so I usually have to use the latter. I dump whatever I can get into one of these…

This is an odd kitchen appliance that goes by many names. Sometimes, it's a Countertop Chopper. Sometimes, it's a Smart Chopper. Sometimes, it's a Salsa Maker. Sometimes, it's a Kitchen Magician. I don't know which title, if any, is more official than the others. Basically, it's a cheap plastic whatchamacallit with a handle and little chopping/mixing blades. They used to sell them via infomercials a lot and I get the feeling that somewhere in the world, there's a warehouse where some guy is stuck with about ten million of them. In any case, you can usually pick one up on eBay for about fifteen bucks. The hard part is figuring out what to search for there in order to locate one.

Whoever named it though deserves to be stuck with millions of unsold units because they missed its best usage. It's a great Tuna Salad Maker. It takes a bit of practice — you have to learn how much to turn the handle in order to flake your tuna to the proper consistency and how much dressing to add — but it's worth the learning curve.

A word of caution to you amateurs: Remember that you can always add more mayo or Miracle Whip but you can't take it out once you dump it in and commence stirring…so add it a little at a time until you achieve the proper fish/dressing ratio. When I was starting out, I didn't know this and I'd sometimes put in too much. What I'd do then is to decide to make two pouches of tuna instead of one. I'd dump in another one and it would, of course, absorb the surplus mayo…and then I could add more sparingly to get the balance just right. I suppose if you're a real novice you could measure but us great chefs never do.

After that, the next step — and this is the hard part for some — is to resist the impulse to throw something else in…some chopped celery, some bacon bits, etc. Don't do this. Just don't. You wouldn't mix in dung beetles now, would you? Then why add pieces of avocado?

Finally, spread the tuna on bread…and don't get fancy with your choice. Plain, old-fashioned white is to tuna salad what rye is to corned beef. Slather it on, put the top slice in place and then, for the love of God, stop. It's done. You cannot improve on perfection…and remember: Garnishes are for the neurotic and insecure food preparer who's afraid to let his or her creation stand on its own merits and feels the need to distract.

Serve with the only acceptable side dish, which is potato chips…and here, if you insist on getting fancy, it's okay to go a little wild. Personally, I like the Baked Ruffles with the cheddar and sour cream flavoring. If your local market doesn't carry them, take in a baseball bat and bash somebody's skull in and tell them you'll be back every week until they wise up and begin stocking the Baked Ruffles with the cheddar and sour cream flavoring. (On second thought, maybe a softer approach would be more effective.)

And that's it. That's how to make a tuna fish sandwich…the only way as far as I'm concerned. If you're determined to put in lettuce, remember that it will no longer be a tuna fish sandwich. It will be a tuna fish and lettuce sandwich…and who wants one of those?

Next time, I'll tell you how to make an old family favorite, peanut butter on crackers. In case you want to go shopping beforehand, you'll need peanut butter, crackers and a knife. And for God's sake, nothing else.

Are you aware that you just missed yet another O.J. Simpson trial? This one doesn't sound like it went so well for him, either.

Fred Kaplan doesn't think much of the nuclear deal Brazil and Turkey made with Iran.

I agree with most of this article by one of my favorite political writers, Gene Lyons. I agree (and have probably written somewhere on this blog) that we don't know as much about the private lives of political figures as we think we know…and by the way, how many times now have the tabloids headlined that Bill and Hillary (or George and Laura) were but hours away from the messiest divorce ever? The private lives of public officials are rarely reported accurately and even when they are, those matters are rarely the public's business.

Where I'd take issue with Mr. Lyons is in one gigantic leap. I agree that the whole Monica Lewinsky matter was a trumped-up, none-of-our-biz scandal and that every person who cheered on the "investigation" deserves to have their most intimate, private secrets made public. But I wouldn't theorize that but for it, we'd surely have had President Gore and that if we'd had President Gore, we wouldn't have had 9/11. It's possible but that assumption seems to me about as solid as most of what people assume about the off-stage marriages of our elected officials.

Last August, I posted the following press release…

LOS ANGELES, Aug. 13 /PRNewswire/ — An amateur home movie has been discovered recently which apparently contains the last known film images of comedy legend Stan Laurel, once celebrated as half of the most famous comedy duo in the world: Laurel & Hardy.

The rare and historic eight millimeter film, which captures a playful Laurel displaying his trademark impish smile while scratching his head, is just two minutes in length and was taken at his Santa Monica apartment by James and Irene Heffernan, a Los Angeles couple who were acquainted with the film comedian in his final years.

According to Laurel's daughter, Lois Laurel Hawes, the film was made in late December of 1964, just two months before his death. A letter from Laurel to the Heffernans, dated January 15, 1965, mentions their yuletide visit when, apparently, the footage was shot.

Also featured in the brief home movie segment is Laurel's honorary "Oscar" award for Lifetime Achievement which was presented to him by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (AMPAS) in 1961.

Apparently lost and forgotten for decades among the numerous entertainment and travel home movies made by the active couple during the 1960s, this final footage of Laurel was not known to exist until several months ago and has never been viewed publicly.

However, the film's present owner plans to arrange for the landmark footage to be seen by Laurel & Hardy fans worldwide on June 16, 2010, which happens to be the comic's date of birth. According to actor/producer Tyler St. Mark, who purchased the remarkable footage from the Heffernan estate, "Stan Laurel performs a special gesture at the end of the film clip which was clearly intended for his millions of fans worldwide and so we will help him deliver his message 46 years later – on the 120th anniversary of his birthday."

Okay…June 16, 2010 is next Wednesday. Let's see what happens…