Monthly Archives: December 2008

Now, I owe Bob Elisberg another lunch.

I am somewhat fascinated — it's about an eight on a scale of ten — with the Senate recount in Minnesota. I'd like to see Al Franken win but that's of less interest to me than the process being made public here. I think we are very sloppy in this country about how we count votes. You wouldn't go near a bank that counted your money as haphazardly as we count votes…and no one ever seems to care except when caring might enable them to win an election they would otherwise lose.

I was very disappointed in 2000, not just by the presidential election results but even more by the following: That after all the anomalies and lost ballots and ballots that were supposed to be recounted and never were even after other recounts were yielding massive changes in the totals, no Bush backers were the least bit bothered. It was like, "Our guy won so shut up, get over it." My very Conservative friend Roger even believes the Bush side cheated and that was a good thing because the future of mankind depended on Al Gore being defeated, and anything that made that happen was morally justifiable. At least, I think Roger still believes this. He hasn't mentioned lately what a wonderful president he thinks Bush has been…

You'd think even folks who thought Bush really did get more votes would regret that it wasn't a cleaner count; that it was in any way arguable that their guy had triumphed, fair and square. But if anyone said, "Let's fix the process so this doesn't happen again," I sure didn't hear about it. It seems like whatever improvements were made were made only because local election officials around the country were worried they'd get in personal trouble if they were suddenly in the midst of a messy recount some day.

The Secretary of State in Minnesota, Mark Ritchie, seems to be doing a good, honest job of cleaning up the mess. Ballots are being recounted via such an open and visible process that there may even be a few people who will have backed the losing candidate and will actually believe he lost fairly. But I'll bet you that Mr. Ritchie is learning what could have been done to avoid many of the current snags…and maybe others who run elections will learn from this, as well.

Meanwhile, here's something I don't get. There are a lot of things I don't get but here's one that sticks out at the moment. Ballots are being disqualified in some cases because the voter made an identifying mark on them. Here's the relevant law from article 204C.22 of the Minnesota statutes…

Subd. 13. Identifying ballot. If a ballot is marked by distinguishing characteristics in a manner making it evident that the voter intended to identify the ballot, the entire ballot is defective.

Okay, why is that a rule? And I believe it's a rule in most, if not all states. If I put an identifying mark on my ballot, it doesn't count.

Why is it fatal that my ballot is identifiable? And identifiable to whom? If I do a little scribble on the bottom or draw a picture of Snagglepuss, that's not going to tell anyone else that Mark Evanier cast that ballot. In order to "identify" something, you need to be able to link a name to it…and if I don't sign my name or put down my Social Security number or something, that's not going to make my ballot "identifiable" to anyone else. But they'd still toss it out.

So I think, "Maybe they mean it can't be identifiable to me." I can't put anything on my ballot that would make me able to recognize it as mine…but what would be the harm in that? First of all, I'm never going to see my ballot again after I cast it but even if I did, I couldn't prove the little doodle in the margin made it my ballot and I couldn't change my vote, even if I could tell it was mine.

Moreover, the law allows for write-in candidates. See, right here in the same statutes, it says…

Subd. 4. Name written in proper place. If a voter has written the name of an individual in the proper place on a general or special election ballot a vote shall be counted for that individual whether or not the voter makes a mark (X) in the square opposite the blank.

So if I write in "Alan Keyes" or "Snagglepuss" for some office — and Snagglepuss would get more votes — my ballot is not void, even though I could easily identify it because of the name and also my ability to recognize my own handwriting. This morning, the Minnesota Election Board tossed out a ballot with a write-in for "The Lizard People" because, apparently, that was a plural. The voter had voted for more than one person in an office and it was therefore an "overvote." On the other hand, there was a voter who wrote in "Flying Spaghetti Monster" for some office. That didn't void the ballot and since that voter voted for Al Franken for the Senate seat, Franken picked up a vote. If the individual who voted for "The Lizard People" had voted for "One Lizard Person," that would have been okay. By the way, at the moment, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is tied with Alan Keyes. Really.

Could someone explain the reason we reject ballots that have identifying marks, even though you can make them identifiable without them being rejected? I assume it has something to do with some impossible scenario where the people counting the ballots have bribed or threatened certain voters to vote a certain way and we don't want them to be able to check and see if the voters complied…but not only does that never happen, the "write-in" provision provides a simple way to circumvent the rule. So why does a stray mark mean my ballot won't get counted?

Oh…as you can probably guess, I'm back.

Just got an e-mail from someone wanting to know what's with the weird commercial in the Our Place episode in the previous posting. I think this is a transfer from a 16mm print made for overseas distribution, particularly to our Armed Forces stationed God-knows-where. For these films, the original commercials were omitted and sometimes, special ad spots for servicemen or U.S. interests were inserted.

As you may know, a lot of great old TV shows were lost because someone decided to save cash and/or space by erasing the old tapes. Most of Johnny Carson's early years are gone because of this, as are many, many other shows. A few treasures of television history have managed to survive because an old 16mm print of an overseas version turned up in a closet somewhere. I suspect that's how this episode of Our Place exists at all.

By the way: I'm not quite back yet but hope to be, some time later today.

Today's link is to an hour show and even without all the commercials, it may be more than you want to watch. But if you remember this short-lived summer show, you might get the proverbial kick out of it. It's an episode of Our Place, a 1967 CBS series which starred (basically) everyone who was then managed by talent agent Bernie Brillstein. At the time, his client list included the comedy team of Burns and Schreiber, a well-scrubbed singing troupe called the Doodletown Pipers, and Jim Henson. Mr. Henson's contribution to Our Place was Rowlf, the Muppet dog he'd previously created and portrayed for The Jimmy Dean Show, over on ABC.

Ed Sullivan's production company was behind the series — undoubtedly some contractual commitment from Ed's most recent CBS contract — and the show followed his on Sunday nights. He was on at 8 PM and it was on at 9:00, which put it opposite Bonanza at the juggernaut peak of its popularity. It was on for ten weeks while The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour was on vacation and apparently it held its own in the ratings and was said to be "on tap" to return whenever the network had an opening. Somehow, they never found the right place for it and it was never seen again.

I remember tuning in to see Rowlf and becoming a huge fan of Burns & Schreiber, as well. Later on, Jack Burns became Head Writer for the first season of The Muppet Show, among his many other credits. A very funny, clever man…and shy about performing, as you'll read if you click over to this excellent online tribute/bio. It's really true about him turning down acting jobs. Years ago, I wanted him to voice a character on a cartoon show I was doing and he politely declined…apparently, his first instinct to every offer. A mutual friend persuaded him to do my show and he was quite wonderful on it, making me wish he performed more.

This typical episode of Our Place was uploaded by someone to YouTube in six parts. If I've configured the video embed properly, they should play one after the other in the frame below. You might at least want to watch the opening, up to and including the sweet but haunting theme song. Later, much time is devoted to guest star Dick Shawn, and there's more with Rowlf and more with Burns & Schreiber, and you'll get to hear the Doodletown Pipers take all the guts out of some of your favorite songs…

I'm not back yet but I had to mention this. As you know, a big recount is underway in Minnesota where Norm Coleman's lawyers and Al Franken's attorneys are duking it out for a Senate seat. As it does too often in this country, it comes down to someone looking at ballots of questionable validity or intent and ruling which ones go to which guy and which ones don't count. This always makes people suspicious about "the count" even though recounts are under a lot more scrutiny than our usual tallying procedures. At least since Bush-Gore, a lot of folks seem to assume that if their guy loses a recount, it could only be because the election was stolen by the deliberate misreading of the ballots.

At the moment, a five-man election board is wading through the mass of challenges and arguable votes. I don't know which candidate will win. (Whichever one it is, he's going to win by a handful of votes, about as many as Ralph Nader receives nationwide.) But I'm very impressed with the fact that the board's deliberations are being live-streamed on the Internet. You can watch the hearing, see the ballots they're discussing and hear exactly why they give this one to Coleman, that one to Franken and the next three to the wastebasket. When they're not counting, you can view reruns.

I only had the time this morning to watch about twenty minutes but what I saw seemed mature and fair and most of all, transparent. The judges are making their decisions in full view of the public with the full knowledge that if (intentionally or not) they put a lot of votes in the wrong pile, they're being watched and recorded. I don't know if you or I will like the outcome but don't you like that they're doing this? I mean, could it get any more democratic than to let everyone watch?

Looks like the Screen Actors Guild strike is over before it's begun. Smart money is on SAG capitulating and accepting roughly the same deal that AFTRA took six months ago. I'll write more about this when I'm back.

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know what this means. Back soon.

Tomorrow night (Tuesday morning) on the late night What's My Line? rerun, the Mystery Guest is Lena Horne. But you might be more amused by the episode the following night. The show's from 3/9/58 and the Mystery Guest is Jack Paar. But before that, the panel has to guess the occupation of two young men named Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller.

Their job as described on the program is that they wrote songs for Elvis Presley, which is true. They wrote "Hound Dog" and "Jailhouse Rock" and they also wrote for other performers, "Charlie Brown," "Searchin'," "Ruby Baby," "I Keep Forgetting," "Love Potion No.9," "Neighborhood," "Poison Ivy," "Some Cats Know," "Framed," "Fools Fall In Love," "Love Me," "Riot In Cell Block No. 9," "I Who Have Nothing," "Spanish Harlem," "Stand By Me," "Kansas City," "Smokey Joe's Cafe," "That Is Rock n Roll," "Bossa Nova Baby," "Saved," "Trouble," "Pearl's A Singer," "Young Blood," "Don't," "I'm A Woman," "You Ain't Saying It," "Loving You," "Is That All There Is?," "Yakety Yak," "On Broadway," "Little Egypt" and many, many others.

I'm not sure if the parlay of Lennon and McCartney beat them…but at least among non-performers, Leiber and Stoller are the all-time champs at writing hit rock-'n'-roll songs. This accomplishment was lost on the panel of What's My Line? and on host John Daly. If you tune in, you'll hear him say something very dismissive to them like, "Well, maybe someday you'll do something serious."

This one's a little complicated but follow me on this. It's worth it.

First, go back to this post from 2005. It's about the first Tonight Show that Jay Leno taped following the death of Johnny Carson. Then read the post right after it. After you've read both of them, meet me back here. I'll wait for you.

Back so soon? Gee, you read fast. Okay, here's a clip from that evening's show…

All right. Now, watch the Carson clip from another angle…

All of this should make sense if you read the two posts I told you to read. And by the way, I forgot to mention in there that Leno tapes his show on Stage 3, where CPO Sharkey was taped.

Okay, I'm done. You can go now.

Michael Kinsley suggests we lower the Payroll Tax and raise the Gas Tax. It ain't a bad idea but it'll never happen. We haven't enough leaders with the guts to suggest a hike in the latter even if it were more than offset by a cut in the former. And of course, wealthy folks who hate taxes have no problem at all with Payroll Taxes because they don't pay them.

The current production of Gypsy on Broadway — the one I reviewed here, the one starring Patti Lupone, will now close January 11, rather than the previously announced March 1. They're doing this because my pal Len Wein is going to be back there in February and wanted to see it.

This may make January one of the "closingest" months in Broadway history. Spamalot's closing. Young Frankenstein's closing. Hairspray is closing. Spring Awakening is closing. Boeing-Boeing is closing. There are others.

A sign of the bad economy? Maybe, maybe not. Some of those shows had run their course. January and February are usually weak months at the box office in New York and a marginal show has to decide whether to try and ride out those months or close before them. The folks behind Gypsy probably figured Ms. Lupone's star power and reviews could carry them through the winter, then looked at ticket sales and decided, "Maybe not."

This will leave Broadway Gypsyless for a while but never fear…another revival of Guys and Dolls opens March 1, the day Lupone's show was originally going to close. It's like a tag team with those shows…like there's a law that at all times, a revival of one or the other must be playing within twenty blocks of the TKTS booth. Frankly, I think it would be easier to just merge the shows…work out a scenario where Baby June bets Sky Masterson that he can't take her sister to Cuba and get her a job in a strip club. They could feature songs like, "All I Need is a Bushel and a Peck" and "Sit Down, You're Rockin' Some People." Call it Guys and Gypsies. It's a surefire hit, I'm telling you.

A lot of folks are scrambling to think what Jay Leno's move to 10 PM will mean. This essay covers some of the possibilities. And here's another set of musings.

There's probably a special term for these but I don't know what it is. I'm talking about online videos that insert your name or someone else's into the action. I've had about a half-dozen of these sent to me with my handle inserted and I'm just plain impressed by the ingenuity. Here's a link to the latest one that several people have sent me…and at the end, you'll find instructions on how you can stick your name or someone else's in there and pass it on.

(In case you're wondering why I didn't place it as a video embed here, it has an autoplay feature and I couldn't figure out a code to insert that would disable that. It starts playing the moment you go to the page and I didn't want to stick you all with that happening.)

This is the first one I've come across that's also had an audio customization in it. If you have a common first name, Goofy says it near the end…and if your name isn't common enough that they have it available, he refers to you as "our special guest." I think that's Bill Farmer doing Goofy's voice. Next time I see him, I'll ask how many of these lines he had to record. I'm guessing a lot.

Here's a link to the one that moveon.org put up a few weeks before Election Day. I stuck Walt Disney's name in this one, figuring he wouldn't object.

Okay, my all-knowing readers. Is there an established term for this kind of video? And while we're at it, let's see if we can compile a little list of others that are still online. If you can help in either category, drop me a note.

Early Tuesday morning on GSN, they ran an episode of To Tell the Truth from 1957 and one of the segments featured Harold Karr, who wrote the music for the Ethel Merman Broadway show, Happy Hunting. Of somewhat greater interest to me was that one of the impostors — one of the men who claimed to be Harold Karr and wasn't — was Alexander "Sascha" Burland. Mr. Burland was also a composer and a lot more successful at it than Harold Karr. He wrote TV themes, including the theme for What's My Line? He wrote advertising jingles, the most successful of which was a tune called "No Matter What Shape Your Stomach's In" that was used to sell Alka-Seltzer for many years.

But I first knew the name of Sascha Burland from childrens' records. He wrote and sometimes performed on a lot of them. Sometimes, he was one of those mysterious New York actors who impersonated Daws Butler and played Huckleberry Hound, Yogi Bear and other characters on Little Golden Records. When Ross (David Seville) Bagdasarian scored a hit with his Chipmunks, Burland and a partner (Don Elliott) came out with a series of knock-off records featuring the same kind of sped voices. They called them The Nutty Squirrels and they generally had jazzier instrumentation and arrangements than Mr. Bagdasarian's rodents. The Squirrels didn't have anywhere near as much success but they sold a lot of records for a while.

They even had their own cartoon show. In 1960, a company called Transfilm-Wylde produced 150 short cartoons called The Nutty Squirrels Present. Each episode had a brief spot with the squirrels and then the rest would be a translation of some foreign cartoons that Transfilm-Wylde had acquired. I don't recall them even running on Los Angeles TV but apparently they were successful for a while in some markets.

Here's an episode. The image is a little dark but at least the opening is worth a peek. The song they sing — "Uh-Oh" — was about as close as The Nutty Squirrels ever got to a big hit, reaching (briefly) into the Top 20 on the charts. Burland and Elliott kept the act going long enough to cover a couple of Beatles songs, then gave it up…and that's about all I know about them. I don't know if Mr. Burland is still with us and I can't find him in the databases of either ASCAP or BMI, which should include about 98% of everyone who ever wrote songs professionally in this country.

You now know as much about his career as I do. Watch the cartoon. At least, the first minute or so…

The website The Smoking Gun likes to locate and post "riders" for acts that tour around the country. These are the portions of a contract that specify the non-financial details of the act's appearance — how the dressing rooms are to be set up, what kind of catering there will be, etc. In some cases, the demands are exorbitant or silly…but also, like the secrecy clauses in David Copperfield's rider, understandable.

Recently, they finally got their mitts on what they call their "Holy Grail" of such documents — the famous Van Halen rider in which the group demanded that the candy dishes backstage contain M&M candies but no brown ones. It is now possible to buy M&Ms by color so that request would be easily-filled today…but back then, it meant someone had to go through the bags and remove the brown ones, and the clause was oft-cited as an example of rock star arrogance. The explanation is offered that the demand was inserted just to see if the promoters were paying attention but I dunno…