Grave Concern

Yacov Freedman suggests that the funniest Hollywood gravestone is Jack Lemmon's. I still vote for Merv.

Griffin Grave

Merv Griffin may not have been the funniest person who ever appeared on television…but he came up with what may be the funniest headstone of all time.

Recommended Reading

My pal Bob Elisberg wrote such a fine primer on the WGA Strike over at The Huffington Post that I hereby offer to take him back to my favorite barbecue restaurant for ribs.

Those Who Can't Do…

As I think I mentioned here, I have suddenly turned into an instructor. Beginning in the new semester (which starts next week), I am teaching a course entitled Writing Humor: Literary and Dramatic for the Master of Professional Writing program at the University of Southern California. The class is full and has a wait list so I'm not mentioning that to solicit students; just to tell you why I may not be posting here as much once it commences.

I am also teaching a half-day class in San Francisco on February 25 which is for actors who do or want to do voices for animation. I'll be telling them whatever I know about the craft (most of which I learned from the late/great Daws Butler) and directing students in scenes. This will be at a school/studio called Voice One and I believe there are still some openings. This link will take you to their listing for my class.

I'm also dickering to teach a one-time seminar in Los Angeles which will be called something like Professional Writing: How to Manage a Career. At least, there's a school that thinks I'm somehow qualified for the task and has requested that I do so. Watch this space for an announcement if this one happens.

Electrifying Announcement

Hey, you remember Mystery Science Theater 3000, the show that could make a mockery of any movie better than Skidoo. Well, many of the folks behind that wonderful enterprise have reassembled and are now plying their heckling skills in a series of DVD commentary tracks. They're calling the new venture Cinema Titanic and their first release should be out by now. Go to their blog for all the details. We're quite happy about this.

Another Article by me

The subject of scabbing during the WGA strike is an emotional sore spot. The New Republic decided that they needed a piece that would address this topic and they asked me to write it. And so I did.

On their home page, by the way, they have its link next to a photo of Stephen Colbert. I did not select this or any photo.

Movie Memories

Here's the funniest thing you may find on the 'net for some time: A newspaper ad showing that Paramount Pictures ran Skidoo in Los Angeles "for Academy Award consideration." Actually, I'm a little puzzled about this since all my sources say the movie was released on December 2, 1968, which would have allowed plenty of time to qualify for the Oscars without a special engagement. Perhaps that date is when the special engagement began and the general release came early in '69. Either way, it received no nominations. I wonder why.

This ad was taken with permission from Gabriel Neeb's great webpage, San Diego Cinema. Usually, it features great old movie ads from that area but Gabriel couldn't resist an ad from Los Angeles because of the Skidoo box. The Crest Theater was one of my old hangouts. In fact, it's where I saw the movie Penelope, which we discussed back here.

If you go over to Gabriel's page, you'll see the whole listing for the Loews chain that week. Oliver is premiering at the Beverly. I took my girl friend of the time there (her name was Lynne) to see that movie a few weeks later. We went to dinner that evening at what was then my favorite Chinese restaurant, a place called Wan-Q, which I wrote about over on this page. Wan-Q is long gone but my current favorite Chinese restaurant, Fu's Palace, is in its old building. The Beverly Theater (which you can see here) closed in 1977 and was converted into a bank and a jewelry store. It was recently demolished along with most of that block.

After the movie, Lynne and I walked down to a Wil Wright's ice cream parlor that was on Beverly, a block south of Wilshire. Wil Wright's is also long gone and I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Old movie theater ads tend to send my memory into overdrive.

Johnny Grant, R.I.P.

Johnny Grant was "The Honorary Mayor of Hollywood" and did he ever preside. Every luncheon, every parade, every ribbon-cutting, every charitable event…there was Johnny Grant. He was most visible acting as host each time they unveiled a new star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. When they unveiled the one for Soupy Sales, Johnny got whacked in the face with a pie.  All part of the job.

Before all that, Mr. Grant was a radio personality and a TV host and a newsman and a staunch supporter of America's military men and women, organizing U.S.O. tours and other services to aid our soldiers. (He was an actor, too. One role you may have seen him in was in the Bing Crosby-Danny Kaye movie, White Christmas. Grant played the Ed Sullivan-like TV host.) Those of us who were watching TV in Los Angeles in the fifties and sixties saw him constantly.

I won't attempt a full bio here but I will direct you to this page of his website. Take a sec and read about the man's life, which was quite extraordinary. And here's a link to the L.A. Times obit. I spoke to him a few times at various events and always admired his niceness and his never-ending supply of energy. It won't be the same without him.

Today's Video Link

From a 1965 episode of Hollywood Palace: Frank Sinatra introduces the King of Insult Comedy — at least before Don Rickles broke through — Jack E. Leonard. Fat Jack, as they called him for obvious reasons, was one of those performers who never had much in the way of material but he had the attitude and style to "sell" just about anything. This clip is a good example of him getting away with comedic murder, blustering his way through a monologue that obviously didn't get a lot from the studio audience and was heavily "sweetened" with fake laughs in the editing room. Still, I always found him fun to watch. See if you do…

VIDEO MISSING

Tonight's Political Comment

The other day on MSNBC, Chris Matthews said…

I think the Hillary appeal has always been somewhat about her mix of toughness and sympathy for her. Let's not forget, and I'll be brutal, the reason she's a US Senator, the reason she's a candidate for President, the reason she may be a front runner, is that her husband messed around. That's how she got to be a Senator from New York. We keep forgetting it. She didn't win it on her merit, she won because everybody felt, "My God, this woman stood up under humiliation, right?" That's what happened! That's how it happened.

Over dinner this evening, my 85-year-old mother said to me…

Did you hear that thing Chris Matthews said about Hillary Clinton? If I'd had him here, I would have slapped him.

I don't think she'd actually do that but I can understand why she feels that way.

More Residual Issues

One word you're hearing a lot during the current Hollywood strike is "residuals." We writers usually get paid when our work is reused…sometimes not a lot but something. I co-wrote one Love Boat back in the seventies and about once every other year, I get money because it aired again in Botswana or somewhere. The last payment was under two dollars, which is probably less than it cost them to process the check. Sometimes, the amounts are more formidable and there are writers who will gladly tell you of the time their house was about to be foreclosed or their kid needed emergency medical treatement…and a residual check arrived at the perfect time to prevent personal financial disaster.

I get occasional questions here from folks who work in industries that don't operate that way, asking about why we get residuals; why someone gets paid again when they didn't do additional work. So a while ago here, I wrote this response which has received so many hits that I wish I got residuals for that. Take a look if you missed it.

But it needs a P.S. and this is it. I received the following message the other day from a prominent writer of TV, books, comics and other stuff…

What's the reasonable answer to give to some jackass who tries to diminish the importance of residuals by wanting to know why lighting guys, sound guys, and various other technicians aren't equally entitled?

Well, part of the reasonable answer is that many of them do. They just don't get them directly. There are many Hollywood unions that have negotiated residuals deals. It's just that unlike the Writers Guild and Screen Actors Guild, the check doesn't go directly to the individual. It goes to the union's health and/or pension plan. A lot of technicians pay low dues and get health insurance because of these residuals.

The Directors Guild is currently mounting a little crusade to remind everyone, including its own members, that all its members benefit from residuals even if they do not receive checks in the mail like my bi-annual Love Boat largesse. The DGA, as you may know, is full of directors but it also has among its membership, assistant directors, stage managers, and production associates in television, and directors, assistant directors, unit production managers, and technical coordinators. Directors receive WGA/SAG style residual checks directly. The others generally do not but they receive them in other ways. Recently, Gil Cates (President of the DGA) was interviewed and he explained…

Over the last ten years, residuals to our below-the-line members and to the Basic Pension Plan amount to more than 1/2 billion dollars. In addition, in 2006, over $44 million in residual benefits were paid directly into the DGA Basic Pension Plan by the companies. This represents 71% of all the funds contributed into our Basic Pension Plan benefiting all members. In other words, even if a member never works on a project that generates residuals in their entire career, when that member retires and become eligible to receive a pension, they will share in the benefits created by the residuals that go into the Basic Pension Plan every year.

I am told — and it certainly is no coincidence — that stats like these have been mentioned a lot recently in the Directors Guild's magazine and in various mailings to members. There could be a big residuals battle looming for the DGA in their new contract and they obviously wanted to prepare their rank 'n' file for that war.

There are, of course, those in Hollywood who do not get residuals in any way, shape or form…just as there are those in Hollywood who are not paid well, period. Some people are in that category, perhaps because they have no union or a weak union. It's difficult — in some cases, impossible — to negotiate residuals all by yourself. If you want to know why some professions aren't "entitled" to residuals, the answer is pretty much the same as the answer as to why some professions are paid so much less than others. They just are…because so few in their job description have had the leverage to demand more and set some precedents. Unfortunately in show business, you don't get something because you deserve it. You get it because you have the clout to get it.

Today's Video Link

From a 1965 episode of The Dean Martin Show, three great male vocalists — Dino, Vic Damone and Allan Sherman — a sing a mess of song snippets by Mr. Sherman. About half of these were on Sherman's records but quite a few were from his nightclub act and were never recorded anywhere else. Good stuff.

VIDEO MISSING

This Afternoon!

This afternoon on Shokus Internet Radio — at 4 PM my time, which is 7 PM back East — Stuart Shostak will be interviewing Tom Lester, one of the stars of Green Acres. Tom is a heckuva nice, funny guy and he's had an amazing career which you'll enjoy hearing all about. Give a listen. Shokus Internet Radio is now easier to listen to than ever before. Just go to their site, click on the link that says "Enter Site" and you're there. Try it right now and see how simple it is.

Wednesday Morning

I can't find a link to an online report yet but at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, our friends at TiVo have announced the next new feature that will be implemented on their boxes, perhaps as soon as March. It will be the ability to download a video podcast or other streaming video from the Internet on your computer and then transfer it almost effortlessly to your TiVo, thereby enabling you to watch the show on your TV.

This is where the technology is heading for everyone and it goes to the core of the current labor unrest in Hollywood. If NBC rebroadcasts an old episode of The Office (to pick one show at random) on their old-fashioned teevee network, they have to pay the director, writer(s) and actor(s) some nice residual payments directly and there are also residual payments to various unions that go into those unions' health and/or pension plans. These amounts are not crippling. NBC will still make an awful lot of money with that Office rerun.

But they don't even want to pay that share if they can get away with it. They'll be able to collect even more money (they think) by making that episode available for Internet download, either for a fee or for a free, advertising-supported viewing. You can download it that way and watch it on the same TV…and they're hoping to establish from the get-go that residuals in that situation will be either non-existent or, if they have to share, mere token payments to a few guilds.

This strike is about a lot of things but mainly it's about that.

Spreading Democracy

Never mind this silly Presidential Primary nonsense. What really matters is: Have you cast your vote yet in our Skidoo poll?