There's something comforting when you go to the CNN webpage and the headline is "O.J. SIMPSON BACK IN CUSTODY." It's just so reassuring in this hectic world of ours that some things don't change.
This comfort is partially offset by my bewilderment. There are some people in this world who just seem to wake up each morning and think, "How can I really screw my life up today?"
My favorite example is Mike Tyson on June 28, 1997. Tyson must have felt pretty good that morning. He was out of prison and people were forgetting about the rape conviction that had put him in there. He was losing the image of a psychotic, violent animal and starting to receive lucrative offers for endorsements and merchandising. He was reconciling with some of his children. And that night, he was to receive $30 million for fighting Evander Holyfield, and he stood a good chance of retaking the Heavyweight Championship, which would lead to even more money and glory.
My theory is that he got up that morning, reviewed his life and wondered, "What's the stupidest thing I can do tonight?"
I imagine him sitting there, pondering that question, maybe even calling up some friends to ask for suggestions.
One of them tells him, "Well, maybe if you got caught betting on the fight tonight…"
"No, no," Tyson says. "Then I wouldn't be thought of as a violent psycho. I need to ruin my personal image, as well and I want one thing, one action that will destroy everything good that's happening in my life."
The friend thinks and then says, "Well, this is kind of weird…"
"Go on, go on," Tyson says.
"Well, this just popped into my head but what if during the fight, you bite the other guy's ear off?"
"What?"
"Think about it. First of all, you'd lose the fight right there…plus you'd lose or at least they'd suspend your boxing license. I mean, the one thing you can do, you wouldn't be able to do anymore. You'd forfeit a few million of your purse in fines, all those endorsement deals would go away, everyone think you were criminally insane…"
"That's it! That's the thing," Tyson yells. "It's brilliant! I bite his ear off!"
It's the only possible explanation. And O.J. Simpson must have decided that he hasn't had enough mug shots, hasn't done enough jail time to convince every last person in the world that he's criminally insane. Frankly, I don't think a bail violation's going to do it. I think he's going to have to kill again.