Here's my new theory. My new theory is that in 1924 when George Gershwin composed "Rhapsody in Blue," his friends all told him how wonderful it was and how it would be played forever in concert halls around the world. And George said, "Never mind that. What I want is for people who are stuck on hold for long periods of time on the United Airlines reservations line to have to listen to a real cheesy recording of the same 32 bars of it, over and over and over…"
Which bring us to today's topic: Let's say you have a $108 non-refundable ticket on this airline. Let's say you need to move it to another time because you have sudden meetings and must fly later in the day. Why is it that when you call up and attempt to do this, you have only the following two options?
- Cancel the $108 ticket and use it instead on a later date for some other United Airlines flight, providing you do so within one year and pay the $100 change fee. This means that if by some chance you want to go somewhere during the next year and a flight on United represents your best ticket option, you can use that ticket and apply what's left, which would be eight dollars. But actually, it's worse than that because you can't really do that kind of rebooking through their website. You have to call up and book through a human being and when you do that now, they charge you an extra $15 service fee. So to use a ticket you paid for in the past costs seven dollars more than to throw it away and start from scratch.
- You can have the lady on the phone find you a later flight…but the cheapest flight she has available for the same date is $709. Of course, she can apply the $108 you've already paid to that but she also has to charge you the $100 change fee and the $15 service fee.
Two pretty crummy options, wouldn't you say? That's why instead you should opt for…
- Just throw those tickets away. They said "non-refundable" and they're just that. The money's gone and all this talk about fees for changing and rebooking is gobbledygook designed to fool people into thinking they're getting some of their cash back in some way. Wrong. Instead, you should jump on the Internet and hit the travel sites where you'll find plenty of new reservations available on almost any airline (including United, should you have some reason to still consider flying them) for — in this case — $258. Which is not as good as $108 but a whole lot better than $709 plus additional fees.
Guess what I've been dealing with for the last hour. I may not be able to stomach Gershwin for years to come.