Monthly Archives: February 2007

Back in 1967, there was a TV show on CBS called Coronet Blue. It starred Frank Converse as a man named Michael Alden. And who was Michael Alden? Well, Michael Alden was…uh…

Well, nobody knew. Not even Michael Alden knew.

Michael Alden was a man with amnesia. One day, he climbed out of the ocean, having either fallen off a pier or a boat, with no memory of who he was or where he was going or anything except for two words that kept coursing through his brain: Coronet Blue. Oh — and he also had some people searching for him, trying to kill him. From that moment forward, he was constantly on the move from episode to episode, trying to avoid his pursuers and simultaneously figure out who he was and what those words meant. This was when The Fugitive was a hit over at ABC and Coronet Blue seemed like a show popped from the same mold. The difference was that on The Fugitive, Richard Kimble was trying to find a one-armed man before someone caught him, whereas Michael Alden was trying to find himself before someone killed him.

Here's the first few minutes of one episode of Coronet Blue. This should give you a pretty good idea of what the show was like…

Not too exciting, was it? Maybe that's why the series was cancelled after half a season with the mystery still unresolved. Since no one was really watching, there wasn't a lot of public outcry. (I think TV Guide quizzed a few members of the creative staff and came to the conclusion that hadn't decided yet on who he was or what the mysterious words meant.) My friends discussed it though and I came up with a great theory that Alden must have been a defecting Soviet agent, that "Coronet Blue" was a codename and that the mysterious men tracking him were Russians trying to eliminate a defector. Like all great theories, its greatness was in the fact that nothing would probably ever emerge to prove me wrong.

But as it turns out, I wasn't wrong; not about who he was, at least. Forty years later — which is to say, just the other day — I'm reading the fine blog, TV Squad, and I come upon the following: "In a bio of the show's creator Larry Cohen, Cohen revealed what the words meant and who Michael Alden was." And then they quote him thusly…

When the Brodkin Organization took over the series, they wanted to turn it into an anthology so they played down the amnesia aspect until there was nothing about it at all in the show. It was just Frank Converse wandering from one story to the next with no connective format at all. Anyway, the show ended after seventeen weeks and nobody found out what 'coronet blue' meant. The actual secret is that Converse was not really an American at all. He was a Russian who had been trained to appear like an American and was sent to the U.S. as a spy. He belonged to a spy unit called Coronet Blue. He decided to defect, so the Russians tried to kill him before he can give away the identities of the other Soviet agents. And nobody can really identify him because he doesn't exist as an American. Coronet Blue was actually an outgrowth of "The Traitor" episode of The Defenders.

Just as I thought. I'm so proud of me.

And I guess that's the end of it. I doubt we'll see Coronet Blue on DVD since it would be like publishing the first half of an unfinished mystery novel. It wasn't that wonderful a show, anyway. I think the only reason I watched it was because I was intrigued with the mystery of the premise…which meant that I came to be annoyed that the show didn't seem to be giving up any clues. It's annoying that it took this long for me to get an answer but at least I got one and it feels good to be right about something. I occasionally am, even if it takes forty years for it to happen.

What, if anything, did O.J. Simpson confess to in those never-aired TV interviews to promote that book that wasn't released? This article explains that he didn't confess to anything but in a way he did…

I heard from a couple of folks who recalled chug-a-lugging Funny Face drinks when they were young. I meant to ask them if they had any teeth left.

I was never a fan of Kool-Aid or Funny Face or even of the drink mix that most of the local kid show hosts used to push, a noxious liquid called Sonny Boy. I could tolerate the occasional Flav-R Straw (I wrote about those here) and I actually enjoyed my Fizz-Nik (which I wrote about here). But I didn't like things like Fizzies tablets (written about here) that turned perfectly good water into sweet, artificially-flavored and sweetened nectars.

Oddly enough, as an alleged adult, I've come around to a drink mix, though it's not one with artificial sweeteners in it. Ever since my surgery last May, I've had to find something I could drink besides water. Fruit juices contain more sugar than my body can now tolerate and I won't drink anything with Splenda, Nutrasweet or any of those. (I suspect they're bad for you but that's not even my main reason. My main reason is that I can't stand the taste of any of them.) My body doesn't like milk and the rest of me doesn't like tea, and I'm not supposed to have anything carbonated. So that leaves…

Well, not much. I drink a lot of tomato juice and I've also developed a watery orange drink and a watery lemonade. The watery orange drink is made by diluting down a Knudsen product called Orange Recharge that I buy at the Whole Foods Market. It's one of these sports drinks but it's lower in sugar than most, and I water it down by at least a third. Not a bad little beverage.

For the lemonade, I tried a few and settled on Country Time Lemonade drink mix. You know, the stuff isn't bad, even when I make it my way. I use half of what the directions tell me to use and then I add in a couple of big squirts of Real Lemon lemon juice. The result is a low-in-sugar lemonade that contains some artificial flavoring but no artificial sweetening.

I think someone's missing a bet by not developing a line of low-sugar soft drinks for kids. There seems to be the assumption out there that if you don't like a lot of sugar in your diet, you want zero so you'll go for something with Nutrasweet or Splenda. And if you don't like those, then you want as much sugar as you can get. I think there'd be a market for a middle ground product…and if I owned the old Funny Face trademarks, I'd bring them back with that as the premise. But maybe that's not feasible…and maybe no one owns those characters today. Maybe the whole franchise went bankrupt. I keep thinking that after they kicked Injun Orange off the package, he got his revenge by opening a casino and taking Jolly Olly Orange to the cleaners.

As a sequel to yesterday's video link, we have a clip of Sam Levine performing as The Banana Man. The video isn't very good and again, it's only a small piece of a much longer act…in this case, about five minutes. This is from a live broadcast of Babes in Toyland that NBC did in 1954. Somehow, they worked him into a plot that had nothing to do with a guy coming out and pulling bananas from his pants.

The main thing to notice here is the odd sound of The Banana Man as Levine successfully imitates the lilting voice of A. Robins before him. Several of you have written since yesterday's clip to ask if it could be true that Curly Howard of the Three Stooges got his not-dissimilar stage voice by imitating A. Robins. Beats me. But it's highly probable that when the Stooges worked in vaudeville with Ted Healy, they shared a bill with A. Robins at some point…so make of that what you will.

One of these days, someone's going to turn up a good, clear video of The Banana Man doing his entire act. For now, we have to settle for blurry, abbreviated footage like this…

For the forty-first year in a row, my Super Bowl prediction was exactly right. I always say I'm not going to watch and I never do.

I'm recommending a good one, this time. Early Tuesday morning, Turner Classic Movies is running A Thousand Clowns, starring Jason Robards and Barbara Harris in the film version of Herb Gardner's play of the same name.

The movie, about an out o' work comedy writer trying to pull his life together, is pretty faithful to the play. It was directed by Fred Coe and according to legend, the producers and Mr. Gardner were not all that thrilled with what Coe considered a finished product. They turned the whole magilla over to Gardner and film editor Ralph Rosenblum, who proceeded to recut the entire thing and even shoot some additional scenes. It took several long months but they managed to improve the movie so much that United Artists, which was distributing the film, began to sense a hit. U.A. agreed to kick in the extra bucks for a more ambitious score and the complete replacement of one actor.

The key role of Chuckles the Chipmunk, a rather disturbing clown, had been originated and performed on Broadway by Gene Saks. Everyone wanted him for the film but at the time it was to begin shooting, Saks was unavailable so another actor played the part. Gardner felt the movie needed the original and by the time he and Rosenblum had completed most of their transformation, Saks was available. He was hired, the Chuckles scenes were reshot with him, and the performance of the other actor was consigned to the scrap bin.

What they wound up with as a film is irresistible and it was even nominated for the Oscar for Best Picture that year. (It lost to The Sound of Music. If it hadn't, it would have lost to Dr. Zhivago, which also came out that year.) Perhaps more important is that in the pantheon of motion picture versions of plays, it's a stellar example of one that totally reflects the vision and sensibilities of the playwright and not the director. Its message about being a non-conformist and maintaining your individuality is pretty obvious — at least half the movies made in 1965 were about being a non-conformist and maintaining your individuality — but it holds up better than most. Give it a peek. It's better than a lot of stuff I've coerced you into watching.

Everything you could possibly want to know about Sheena, Queen of the Jungle.

In the latest CNN poll, an amazing 68% of the American people say they oppose the idea of the U.S. taking military action in Iran. That's stunning for two reasons.

One is that in the past, we as a people were usually supportive of any war and of the need to fight it. We usually had to get into a war and have it devolve into an unwinnable quagmire before the opposition reached anywhere near 68%.

But the second is that I don't think anyone has made much of a case for that war yet, not even those who are gung ho for us to start shelling over there. People know very little about why Iran is a problem and what a U.S. military action against the country might seek to accomplish. At this point, the poll ought to have an overwhelming "Don't Know" response, rather than the 6% it does. I'd love to see that 68% group broken down into its reasons. How many are just so sick of Iraq that they don't want another war anywhere for a while? How many simply don't trust the Bush administration to lead us into any war?

In the last CNN poll on the matter, which was a few weeks ago, Bush's disapproval rating was 63% Maybe the 68% is just the 63% plus a few more people who soured on the guy after the State of the Union address.

Just to remind you: It's not all that long until the 2007 Wondercon in San Francisco, traditionally one of the best comic and media conventions in the country. I'm a guest again and I'll be moderating a whole batch of panels with people like Gene Colan, Nick Cardy, Al Feldstein and Sergio Aragonés. That is, unless I wind up in the hospital again like I did during last year's Wondercon…but that won't happen. I'll be there and we'll have a great time. Click here or on the banner above for more details, and watch for the programming schedule which will be available soon.

I won't be watching.

Got another goodie for you today. A man named A. Robins started doing his odd act in the days of vaudeville, occasionally venturing into circuses. It was an act that basically consisted of him taking things out of his pockets and using his voice, sometimes with the aid of a kazoo-like device, to provide the sounds of musical props. In most appearances, he'd drop the items he produced into a large chest which would eventually turn into a train — sometimes with many cars — and he'd ride it off stage at the end.

Originally, the act was called "The Walking Music Shop" but he spent so much of his on-stage time finding stalks of bananas in his pockets that he came to be known as "The Banana Man."

Mr. Robins, who was also a toy and propmaker, performed his unnatural act until around the end of World War II. In the fifties, The Banana Man was a frequent guest on all the live kids' shows of that era (Howdy Doody, Mickey Mouse Club, Captain Kangaroo, etc.) and even on variety shows for adults, including Ed Sullivan's. By this time, the act and its unique props were in the hands of a man named Sam Levine, though he was never billed as anything but The Banana Man. Once in a while, he was even billed as "A. Robins, The Banana Man," even though the first A. Robins — whose real name was Adolph Proper — passed away around 1950.

Among folks who study such matters, there is some argument as to whether someone else (or maybe even several someone elses) performed as The Banana Man after the act's originator sold it off and before Levine assumed the role. In any case, Levine was the guy I saw on all those shows and he was mesmerizing. I couldn't take my eyes off this odd man when he was on TV. Neither could most of my friends, and we all tried to mimic his bizarre, high-pitched humming, sometimes merging it with impressions of Curly Howard. He seems to have retired in the mid-sixties but his haunting song lingers on.

The following clip is introduced by a youthful Red Skelton. It's from a 1939 short film called Seeing Red, and it's one of the few times Robins performed on film…and as I said, it's a very short version of what he did on stage. In fact, he doesn't even get around to producing any bananas. Oddly enough, although Sam Levine did the act on hundreds of TV shows, clips of him are equally hard to come by. I'll link to one tomorrow but for now, here's A. Robins…

I guess I post too often on this site. Lately, whenever there's an eight hour gap between items that is not explainable by the occasional need to sleep, I get e-mails asking if I'm all right and if my mother is all right. We're both fine, thank you. I took her out this morning to do marketing, in fact. Then I went up to speak at The Afternoon of Remembrance, which is an annual event sponsored jointly by The Animation Guild and A.S.I.F.A., honoring everyone in the animation community who's passed away in the previous year. Then I came home and plunged back into a manuscript that needed (and still needs) a lot of my time.

Sporadic postings may be the norm for a while. I appreciate your concern, my friends, but please don't assume anything from a lack of material up here. It could mean I'm in a crisis situation but it more likely means I'm just plain busy, possibly even with something I like doing. That has been known to happen.

Yes, there is video of Julie Andrews making an appearance the other night in the Broadway show, The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. Go here to view it.

The Netflix site has quietly added a new option…"Watch Now." For certain movies, none of which appear to be recent releases, you can click on a button that will stream the film to you over the Internet. You need Windows XP or above (nope, no Mac service at this time) and you need to download their special viewer. You also, of course, need a speedy Internet connection, and the Netflix site will test yours and tell you how it qualifies. The quality of what you receive is way better than YouTube but a bit below watching a real DVD on your computer.

I'm not sure if this is available yet for all subscribers. If it's available to you, you need to go to the "Your Account" page and enable the feature. Right now, this is done by clicking a link that asks, "How can I watch movies instantly on my PC?" From there on, it's pretty simple, though it may upgrade your Windows Media Player in the process and also acquire a new digital license or two. A "watch now" option will then be added to the listings for movies that can be streamed this way, or you can browse the listings of just those films.

When you select a movie for viewing, the Netflix site begins sending it and in most cases, there will be a delay to give the stream a little "head start." I just tried having them send me The Bank Dick with W.C. Fields and as I'm typing this, the viewer is telling me the feature will start in seven minutes. I have a pretty fast Internet connection so you may experience an even greater delay. You can pause the playback but I don't believe you can just shut down, go back later and start where you left off. History suggests it won't be long before someone will be selling a piece of software that will enable you to capture the stream to your harddisk and keep the movie but right now, you can't do that.

The future of home video involves services like this, though it may be a while before a lot of people begin using them. Internet connections will need to be faster and the available films will have to be newer. Both these things will happen, plus it may soon be possible to have the film sent not to your computer but to your TiVo or other comparable device and with DVD quality. (Many cable companies are already offering something comparable.) Right now, the appeal seems as limited as the selections. I suppose if you were in a hotel room with a good Internet connection and you couldn't find anything you wanted to watch on TV, it would be ideal. Certainly, if no X-rated film company has started such a service for porn, there'll be one up and running within the hour.

If you're a Netflix subscriber, you might want to watch at least one movie this way now. You may not enjoy the film but you'll be able to experience the method of delivery that will probably soon lead to the worst strike in the history of the motion picture industry.

The video on this one is a little washed-out but it's watchable. This is a commercial for Funny Face instant drink mixes, which were introduced into the market in 1964, knocking Kool-Aid out of first place in the category of Unhealthy Things A Busy Mom Could Give Her Kids To Drink. I remember swigging the stuff down occasionally at friends' homes but not caring too much for it. Seemed like an awful thing to do to perfectly good water. I also remember one friend practically living off the stuff and being put into utter despair in '69 when the F.D.A. banned cyclamates (a form of artificial sweetener) and therefore, the Funny Face drinks made with it. Funny Face returned to shelves soon after with a different formula but it was never, my friend said, quite the same. Still, somehow, the product lived on into the early eighties.

I don't know when this commercial was done but it was after 1965. The first two years that Funny Face was out, the orange flavor was called Injun Orange and the cherry was Chinese Cherry, both depicted with racially insensitive caricatures. In '66, the orange became Jolly Olly Orange and the cherry became Choo Choo Cherry, and racial harmony was achieved, at least in the fruit community.

At least half of the voices of the characters in this commercial were done by Paul Frees. I think the grocer you see at the end is played by Grady Sutton, a doughfaced character actor who appeared in so many movies of the thirties, forties and fifties. Matter of fact, he was in The Bank Dick with W.C. Fields, which I'm going to mention in the next posting. Here he is in this spot, probably ignoring advice he received from Mr. Fields about never working with children…