…and may I just remind you how much I don't like this holiday? I especially don't like candy corn…but then no one does. (Every time I post that simple fact of life, some pathological liar writes me and says, "Oh, I love candy corn! I can't get enough of it!" These are the same people who say, "Hit me again with that tire iron, Martha! My eyes are not sufficiently blackened!")
If you have children, do them a favor. Do not encourage them to dress up tonight as something they are not and to go around and beg strangers for things that they will then put in their mouths. Do not try to traumatize them with scary imagery, especially that which depicts human beings as seriously maimed or bleeding. Above all, do not sneak up behind them or anyone and yell, "BOO!," thinking they will enjoy the jolt. And of course, it goes without saying: No candy corn.
Stupid holiday.