My all-time favorite TV situation comedy is The Dick Van Dyke Show and one of my favorite episodes (I have many) is "Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth," which was written by Sam Persky and Bill Denoff, and which originally aired on September 15, 1965 as the opener of the show's fifth and final season. It was the second one they filmed that season. Obviously, they knew how wonderful it was and moved it to the kick-off position.
You've all seen it but here's the set-up, just to remind you: Laura Petrie goes on TV game show. Unctuous host tricks her into blurting out that megastar (with mega-ego) Alan Brady wears a hairpiece and is, ergo, bald. Rob and Laura are paralyzed with fear that the vain Brady will not only fire Rob but perhaps also do physical damage to him and/or his loose-lipped spouse. Alan is also in a bad mood because he injured his foot. Laura decides to go to Alan's office in one of her Jackie Kennedy outfits and apologize and hope that he will forgive her and not kill them too much.
There are many things to note here. One is that Carl Reiner was quite willing to play a comedy star who wasn't particularly talented or nice. He was also willing to expose his own lack of follicles. A lot of fine performers wouldn't have done that. Another thing to note is that Dick Van Dyke was willing to hand over most of an episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show to others…in this case, Reiner and Mary Tyler Moore. A lot of fine performers wouldn't have done that.
But the big thing to note is that the problem resolves itself in the way that most plots on the Van Dyke Show resolved themselves: Someone realizes he's being a jerk about something and decides to stop. That was not the norm for sitcoms of the day. Usually, things got resolved via a trick or someone saying to someone else, "I'm going to teach him/her a lesson." If they'd done this episode ten years earlier when every sitcom wanted to be I Love Lucy, it would have gone something like this…
Alan Brady is up for the lead in a big dramatic motion picture directed by some Big Name Director. In an early scene, we see Alan and the B.N.D. and realize how desperate Alan is for the job and we see how the director is almost convinced Alan's the guy…but not quite. Then Laura goes on the game show, loses (not wins) the refrigerator and on her way out, says what she says about the Brady baldness. Alan is livid, not only because his secret's out but because this will surely cost him the movie. Laura goes to apologize and Rob bursts in…and Alan is two seconds from killing the both of them. Then the director suddenly walks in and announces Alan has the part! Alan is thrilled but confused. "Didn't you hear? I'm bald!" The B.N.D. says, "Yes, that's what convinced me! I always saw this character as being bald and I wasn't going to cast you because of your hair. Also, it proves you can act because you did such a brilliant job of convincing everyone you had hair." Alan says, "Then you don't think I'd be an unsexy leading man because I'm bald?" And the director says, "Of course not," and shocks everyone by whipping off his own, hitherto-secret toupee. Everyone has a good laugh and Alan is so thrilled with how it all came out, he gives Rob a raise and buys Laura that refrigerator she didn't win on the stupid quiz show.
That's how it would have gone on some other show…Rob and Laura are saved, not because Alan learns anything or has any moment of human clarity or decency but because contrived plot details turn a disaster into a success. On The Dick Van Dyke Show, with the exception of a few episodes, plot contrivances didn't save the day and even when they did, they made someone realize he was being a jerk and decide to stop. People just acted more like you wish all people would…and they were even funnier for that. Someone deciding to stop being a jerk is the way most problems get resolved in real life — or at least in what I pass off as my real life.
So here's Alan Brady deciding to stop being a jerk. At least, about this one thing. The clip is a little over seven minutes but it's wonderful…
