Monthly Archives: July 2006

Bob Thompson was one of the great composers and arrangers of fifties pop music and also of commercial jingles. In the sixties, he wrote the music for a fun little record album called That Agency Thing, which was kind of an audio musical about the ad agency business. I gather it was mainly intended as a showpiece for the writing of Alan Alch, who wrote the sketches and lyrics. Mr. Alch was also a noted writer of jingles and TV themes (he composed the theme song for the Chuck Connors show, Branded). Together, they produced this catchy record that utilized the vocal skills of some top voice actors of the sixties — Byron Kane, June Foray, Paul Frees, Howie Morris and Herschel Bernardi. And yes, the mention of Mr. Bernardi in the previous item is what reminded me that I wanted to link to this.

I'm generally against the downloading of record albums on the Internet but since Mr. Thompson's company has put That Agency Thing on his website, I guess it's okay. You can listen to it or download it here.

Also, Bob Bergen (the current voice of Porky Pig) calls my attention to this page where one can listen to many an episode of The Mel Blanc Show, a radio program that Mel did in 1946 and 1947. As Bob notes, it's fascinating to hear so much of Mel flexing his comedy and vocal skills.

Mr. Bergen, by the way, will be a panelist on one of the Cartoon Voice panels I'm hosting at the Comic-Con International in San Diego. We have a good crop of actors who will be demonstrating how they do what they do. If you've never attended one of these, you've missed some of the best panels at the convention. Don't continue to make that mistake.

Here's a classic TV commercial from the late sixties…a spot selling Tootsie Roll Pops. It was originally a minute long but some time in the seventies, the Tootsie Roll people decided it was a darn good commercial and trimmed it from sixty seconds to thirty, which is the version here. I don't know who did the voices of the kid or the turtle but the owl was played by Paul Winchell and the announcer at the end is Herschel Bernardi.

This is an actual obituary that ran the other day in the Richmond Times-Dispatch. They say Mr. Clark wrote this himself and if so, I'm guessing he left the date and cause of death blank for someone else to fill in…

Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other's courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost his battle as a result of an automobile accident on June 18, 2006. True to Fred's personal style, his final hours were spent joking with medical personnel while he whimpered, cussed, begged for narcotics and bargained with God to look over his wife and kids. He loved his family. His heart beat faster when his wife of 37 years Alice Rennie Clark entered the room and saddened a little when she left. His legacy was the good works performed by his sons, Frederic Arthur Clark III and Andrew Douglas Clark MD, PhD., along with Andy's wife, Sara Morgan Clark. Fred's back straightened and chest puffed out when he heard the Star Spangled Banner and his eyes teared when he heard Amazing Grace. He wouldn't abide self important tight *censored*. Always an interested observer of politics, particularly what the process does to its participants, he was amused by politician's outrage when we lie to them and amazed at what the voters would tolerate. His final wishes were "throw the bums out and don't elect lawyers" (though it seems to make little difference). During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon. You always knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friend and family. His sons said of Fred, "he was often wrong, but never in doubt". When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred never peed in the shower — on purpose. He died at MCV Hospital and sadly was deprived of his final wish which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a double date to include his wife, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to crash an ACLU cocktail party. In lieu of flowers, Fred asks that you make a sizable purchase at your local ABC store or Virginia winery (please, nothing French – the *censored*) and get rip roaring drunk at home with someone you love or hope to make love to. Word of caution though, don't go out in public to drink because of the alcohol related laws our elected officials have passed due to their inexplicable terror at the sight of a MADD lobbyist and overwhelming compulsion to meddle in our lives. No funeral or service is planned. However, a party will be held to celebrate Fred's life. It will be held in Midlothian, Va. Email fredsmemory@yahoo.com for more information. Fred's ashes will be fired from his favorite cannon at a private party on the Great Wicomico River where he had a home for 25 years. Additionally, all of Fred's friend (sic) will be asked to gather in a phone booth, to be designated in the future, to have a drink and wonder, "Fred who?"

Matthew Yglesias writes about how Republicans seem obsessed with the concept of the Missile Defense System and won't be dissuaded by little details like…oh, like the fact that there's no reason to believe it can ever work.

In the meantime, Art Buchwald — who went into a hospice to die — has left it just as alive as when he went in.

In the pictures above, the man on the left is Jack Kirby, hailed by many as the most important creative talent ever in the comic book business. The guy on the right is Johnny Carson, who has often been called the biggest star ever in television. What do these men have to do with each other? In 1982, Mr. Carson got confused about something and inadvertently made some slanderous remarks about Mr. Kirby on The Tonight Show. Mr. Kirby was very upset about this and filed a lawsuit against Mr. Carson. It was all settled with an on-air apology followed by an exchange of money.

On Friday, July 21 at the Comic-Con International in San Diego, I will (as usual) be hosting the annual Jack Kirby Tribute Panel. It starts at 2 PM in Room 8 and we'll have members of the Kirby family present, along with four top comic book artists — Neal Adams, George Perez, John Romita and Mike Royer — discussing Jack's work. That alone oughta pack the place. But we'll also take some time to flash back to the Great Kirby/Carson War. I'll be showing videos of both the original Carson statements and of his apology, and we'll be hearing from Paul Levine, the lawyer who represented Jack in that matter. I showed this tape a few years ago at a panel but (a) we didn't have time to tell the entire story and (b) a lot of folks have asked to see it again. So there's yet another reason to attend this fine panel…as if the chance to learn more about Kirby was not reason enough.

Some time ago, I linked to a clip from a 1990 TV special starring Penn and Teller entitled Don't Try This At Home. Today, we have the finale from that special in which Penn drives a truck over Teller…a nice little stunt aided by my pal, Victoria Jackson. It runs about eight minutes. Go for it.

Here's an interesting rumor that's making the rounds of Las Vegas news sites…

As you may know, the Harrah's company owns a lot of hotels in Vegas. In addition to Harrah's, they own the Imperial Palace, the Flamingo, Bally's, Paris, Caesars Palace and the Rio. The Rio is off the Strip but the other hotels are all on Las Vegas Boulevard in a group. Caesars is across the street but Harrah's, the Imperial Palace, the Flamingo (and its companion casino, O'Shea's), Bally's and Paris are all in a line, one right next to the other…with one gap. Right in the middle there is the Barbary Coast, which is owned by Boyd Gaming. The Barbary Coast, located at the choice corner of Las Vegas Blvd. and Flamingo, is the one thing that stops Harrah's from owning this huge, continuous mass of casino land. (They also own several properties right around the corner on Flamingo.)

So the rumor is that a deal is being finalized for a swap: Harrah's would get the Barbary Coast and Boyd would get the Rio plus either a ton of cash or another hotel to be named later. This would be good for Harrah's because they could link all their properties into some kind of mega-megaresort. But it might be even better for Boyd. The Rio is a much bigger hotel than the Barbary Coast…to say nothing of the money or other hotel they'd score in the deal. They could also link the Rio with the hotel next door — the Gold Coast — which they already own. (This map will give you an idea of how the properties are currently distributed.)

As I said, this is a rumor…but it sounds credible. And it could change the whole face of Las Vegas.

GSN is currently running its 2006 World Series of Blackjack, one installment per week. I enjoyed the 2005 competition for reasons explained here but this year's is a lot less interesting. For one thing, the contestants aren't as interesting. For another, the hosts aren't as good. (They keep saying things like, "He really wants to win this one," as if it's news that the players have some interest in not losing.)

There's also a lot of annoying editing and telescoping in each episode. Each game consists of many hands of Blackjack. How many? I'm not sure because they don't tell you and they occasionally skip a hand or two, even though something significant may have happened in one of them. They'll cut to a little background video on a player or the hotel and when they return to the game, the hosts will say something like, "Well, while we were away, Rosie Piggleworm hit a couple of Blackjacks to take over the lead." Can you imagine watching a baseball game where they don't bother to show you the fifth and sixth inning and instead they just tell you that someone hit a Grand Slam to put their team ahead? A very silly way to cover a competition.

But it's worse than that. Two new rules have been added — rules that, as far as I know, exist in no other Blackjack game or tournament anywhere in the world. One is that twice during the game, the dealer deals out something called a "knockout card." When that shows, it means that the player in last place at the end of the following hand is eliminated. That forces some players to abandon the careful strategizing that is the fascinating thing about Tournament Blackjack and just make reckless, all-in bets.

Even worse is that each player gets one "Burger King Power Chip." This is a shameless bit of product placement and almost every time it's mentioned, the host or player works the fast food chain's slogan into the dialogue and says something like, "This would be a good time for him to have it his way with the Burger King Power Chip." When you play your B.K.P.C., you can discard any one card you've been dealt and get a new one in its place…a cute gimmick that, again, doesn't relate to anything one might encounter in a real Blackjack game. (In tonight's match, a player may have lost not because he played Blackjack poorly but because he didn't know how to use his Burger King Power Chip.)

There's still some nice suspense and moments when you can hear the wheels turning as good players compute their bets. But last year, I looked forward to the weekly installments and this year, I don't care much if I forget to set my TiVo. Maybe they'll learn from this before the 2007 games.

News sources say that George W. Bush will cast the first veto of his presidency if the Senate, as expected, passes legislation to expand federal funding of embryonic stem-cell research.

I don't get it. Why doesn't he just sign it and issue a signing statement saying it doesn't count?

Got a good one for you this time. The funniest act I ever saw in Vegas — and maybe the funniest I've seen anywhere — was performed by a man named George Carl. Mr. Carl passed away in 2000 but for the fifty or so years preceding, he could be found on stages around the world doing his pantomime act. Johnny Carson called it "the funniest twenty minutes in show business" and that's about as good an endorsement as you could ever want.

What did Carl do for those twenty minutes? Well, he threw his hat in the air and caught it. He tried to play the harmonica. He struggled with a tray full of musical instruments. But mostly, he got tangled in the microphone cord.

When I saw him in Vegas in the eighties, he had honed this act to such perfection, it was like a fine ballet. He knew how to get a laugh every second he was on stage. In most cases, the rest of the show he was in featured spectacular-looking naked women but even the men in the audience were wishing there was less of the ladies and more of the sad-faced little man who couldn't work a microphone properly.

This clip runs a little more than four minutes and therefore can only give you a brief taste of what he did. Trust me: It got funnier and funnier, especially during his battle with the mike cord as things grew steadily more dysfunctional. He dropped it down his pants, he got the cord between his legs, he wrapped his face in it…he just kept surprising you with his every move. I wish I had a longer sample but you'll have to settle for just this much of the incomparable George Carl. If someone out there has any tape of his entire routine, please let me hear from you.

Next weekend — July 13-16 — the fifth annual Game Show Congress is being held at the Hilton Burbank Airport and Convention Center, which is located across from the airport in Beautiful Downtown Guess Where. This is a yearly gathering of game show buffs and the program includes panel discussions and interviews with folks in that line of work, rare game show screenings, re-creations of classic game shows and a luncheon which will honor Peter Marshall (the "Master of the Hollywood Squares") and Mark Itkin, a top agent with the William Morris Agency who has been responsible for the packaging of many top quiz programs. Among the other celebs who'll be present are Betsy Palmer (from the original I've Got a Secret), Rose Marie and game show hosts Wink Martindale, Tom Kennedy, Monty Hall, Jack Narz and Larry Anderson. For details, go to this website.

One of the big events of the G.S.C. will be an installment of the live version of What's My Line? that I've written about several times…here, for instance. This is the show that takes place every Wednesday evening at the Acme Comedy Theater in Hollywood and it's a clever, loving resurrection of a great program, expertly hosted by J. Keith van Straaten. It's also coming to an end, at least for now. The performance this Wednesday night is the last at the Acme for the foreseeable future. So if you've always wanted to see this — if you have and want to see it again — hurry to the Acme this Wednesday evening. Details are over here.

After that, there's only one more installment of J. Keith's What's My Line? scheduled and it's at the Game Show Congress on Friday, July 14 at 8 PM. They're doing the show for the G.S.C. and have we got a treat for you! Ordinarily, admission is $20 but as a reader of this website, you can get in free. All you have to do is R.S.V.P. Write to Jim Newman (who's done such a fine job producing these shows) at wardenclyffe@eudoramail.com. Tell him you're a devout news from me reader and that you want to attend. Then show up Friday night at the Hilton Burbank, enjoy the show and see if you can guess the Mystery Guest before the panel (which will include the lovely Betsy Palmer).

While I'm at it, I might as well mention that Saturday and Sunday, the Hilton Burbank is also playing host to the Hollywood Collectors Show, where celebs sell autographed photos of themselves. Some of the Game Show Congress stars will be there along with Debbie Reynolds, Mickey Rooney, June Foray, Alan Young, Betty Lynn, Gary Coleman and many, many more. The full current list and more info can be found at this website.

The full programming schedule is up for the Comic-Con International. You can read the Thursday schedule. You can read the Friday schedule. You can read the Saturday schedule. You can read the Sunday schedule.

Or you can just do the smart thing and click below. This will take you to a list of the program items being hosted by Yours Truly, which are the ones you really don't want to miss.

This article in The Sunday Times (the one in London) says that Afghanistan is going poorly and that the Taliban could be making a comeback. Hope they're wrong but I fear they're not.

I don't think I've eaten one since I was about twelve…but for some reason, I got to thinking today about the favorite cookie of my childhood. The Sunshine company put out these things called Toy Cookies, which were like animal crackers but in the shapes of toys. You could eat one shaped like a drum, one shaped like a blimp, one shaped like a watch, one shaped like a truck, etc.

That was not particularly the appeal of them. The appeal was that they tasted pretty good, regardless of the shapes. Actually, the only interesting thing about the shapes was that in every box, you always found a few malformed ones and it was fun to guess what they looked like. I once got one that I think started out to be a baby carriage but wound up looking more like a penis. I was afraid to eat it.

When I hit my teens, I abandoned Toy Cookies, not because I no longer liked them but because they seemed like a baby cookie…a very bad reason to switch to Chips Ahoy or Oreos. I don't know when they stopped making them but I recall seeing some more sophisticated packaging in the market, an obvious and apparently unsuccessful attempt to position the product for a slightly older audience.

What finally occurred to me — and I wonder if it occurred to the manufacturer — is that the very shapes had gotten out of date. Alphabet blocks? Toy soldiers? By the sixties, those weren't toys to most kids. They should have made the cookies look like Barbie dolls, skateboards and Aurora monster models. (Today, they'd have to look like XBox controls and Star Wars action figures.)

I don't particularly miss Sunshine Toy Cookies. Matter of fact, I've given up all kinds of cookies and don't miss them one bit. But when I came across the above pictures of the old box and bucket packaging, they brought a smile to my face. And I had to share them here, just in case they have the same effect on you.

Conan O'Brien gives a commencement speech at Lincoln Center for the 2006 graduating class of Stuyvesant High School. The video is handheld and shaky but not unwatchable. It runs a little under 17 minutes.