I don't think I'm going out this weekend to catch United 93, the new film dramatization of the events that occurred on 9/11 aboard United Flight 93. This is despite the fact that I keep hearing that the movie is expertly made and done with total respect and as much taste as anyone could bring to an account of such a horrible event.
When it was first announced, it sounded like something I'd want to see, that perhaps I should see. I've certainly read enough about the events of that day and seen at least a half-dozen documentaries with actual footage. But now that it's about to open at a theater near me, I think I'll wait for either the DVD or a showing on HBO. That's if I even watch it at all.
It figures to be an emotional experience. In this world, you can't always control when you have your emotional experiences but to the extent you can, I think you should. If I watch United 93 at home via DVD or TiVo, I can start it when I want, stop it when I want, pause it when I want. If I go to a theater, all of that will be out of my control. It's bad enough that it will be out of my power to change what happens on screen. Flight 93 will crash and kill everyone aboard whether I remain in my seat to see it or not…and I guess that's what I'm afraid of: That feeling of powerlessness. At home with remote close at hand, I'll feel a tiny bit in command, maybe not of the fate of that plane and the people aboard but certainly of myself.
You may call it cowardice. I call it not subjecting myself needlessly to things that may be unpleasant. It's the same reason I don't go on roller coasters or hang-glide or listen to The Howard Stern Show any more.
Some movies, of course, you want to watch on a big screen and/or with an audience. This one, I'm thinking I'd rather watch without anyone else around, or at least only with people I feel close to. That's if I watch it at all…and I'm thinking I might. Still, the problem with seeing it in a public place is that it's a public place. I don't want to deal with the grief of the lady sitting in front of me, the kids sitting behind me, the people on either side. I want to be able to cry or to get angry…and I may even feel like yelling at the screen. A good comedy should be shared with others and their laughter can make it a more enjoyable occurrence. But some tragedies — especially the kind you can't do a damn thing about — are best experienced alone.