So it turns out I don't have a sprained ankle. I have something much nastier called Cellulitis which does not come from, as one might imagine, using a mobile phone too much. Matter of fact, they don't seem to know what causes it but it does make your lower legs swell up and turn the color of Pepto-Bismol. I am actually posting this from a hospital bed — the second one I've inhabited in my life. The first was when I had my appendix out at age nine and I think the meal they served me for lunch today was left over from my previous stay.
I'll probably be here 'til Monday at least so don't expect much posting for a while. Lunch aside, I am in no pain and my condition is already responding to treatment. No "get well" e-mails necessary. I intend to get better even if no one writes. Bye for now!