Why is it so hard to get food in a restaurant the way you want it?
A little while ago, while walking around my neighborhood on some errands, I decided to stop in a Sizzler for a meal…which I guess was my main mistake right there.
What I wanted was a grilled or broiled chicken sandwich that consisted of the chicken, a bun, some onion and nothing else. You wouldn't think this would be a tough order, would you? But it's not on their menu. What you have to do is order the Chicken Club Sandwich, which is chicken plus cheese, lettuce, tomato, bacon and mayo…and then, trying to not to sound too much like Jack Nicholson, have them hold the cheese, lettuce, tomato, bacon and mayo. You're supposed to get your choice of one side dish with it and I asked for rice and told the lady at the counter to have them leave off the cole slaw that they often slap onto your plate. Have I mentioned lately that I think cole slaw is an unspeakable evil and that if forced at gunpoint to put either it or a live grenade in my mouth, I'd opt for the grenade? When a waitress says to me, "So you're saying you don't want any cole slaw on your plate?" I respond, "I don't want any cole slaw in the restaurant. Leave it off my plate. Leave it off everyone's plate. If you can keep it out of this entire area code, I'd be most appreciative and might even consider tipping."
Anyway, I told the lady at Sizzler what I wanted and emphasized, as I've learned to do, "I want to get a bun with a piece of grilled chicken on it and some onion and nothing else." My friends rarely hear me order in an eating establishment without itemizing what is to be on my plate and concluding with "…and nothing else."
The lady promptly entered on her cash register that I wanted the usual chicken sandwich with all the stuff on it with a side of fries as my one choice, plus an extra side of rice and an order of grilled onions, both as extra items (for which I'd be charged)…and nothing about not putting slaw on the plate. It took quite a while to straighten that out, and there was apparently no way I could get a piece of onion on my sandwich without paying $1.29 for grilled onions, even though I was saving them the bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato and mayo. If you order a hamburger, a slice of onion is free. But not with a chicken sandwich. k.d. lang needs to write a song about this.
It then took quite a while for my sandwich to arrive. When it did, it was just what she'd entered into the little computer screen the first time: Sandwich with everything, fries, rice as an extra side, cole slaw, etc. The server took it back and I waited maybe another ten minutes. Finally, she brought me what was pretty much the exact same plate except that someone had peeled the cheese off the chicken, scraped off most of the mayo, removed all but one of the fries and so on. She asked, "Can I get you anything else?" and I said, "Yeah, I'd like a side order of The Manager."
The Manager came over and I went through the whole thing with him. I showed him how there were remnants of cheese clinging to the chicken breast (which was now cold) and tomato seeds on the bun. He gave the whole platter back to the server and told her to have the kitchen completely remake my order. Then he told me, "Next time you come in here, place your order with me personally and I'll make sure they make it right."
I asked him, "Exactly what makes you think I'm coming in here again?" He chuckled and said they'd make it up to me…and I didn't know what he meant because he'd offered no discount or anything else. Apparently, getting you what you should have gotten in the first place is now coinsidered "making it up to you."
Ten or so minutes later, the sandwich came again: This time, it had no cheese, two strips of bacon, no lettuce and no tomato but also no onion. I had rice but I also had cole slaw. I took it up to him at the counter and he said, "Hmm…maybe you weren't clear on what you wanted." I told him, "You placed the order for this one." I also quoted to him the way I'd placed my order in the first place and the lady who'd taken it down confirmed that that's what I'd said, including the part about a bun with a piece of grilled chicken on it and some onion and nothing else. "I defy you to tell me a clearer way to say it than that," I told him. He quickly had it all fixed and then, as I was finally eating what I should have been eating thirty minutes earlier, he came by and gave me a $2.00 discount coupon for my next visit…which I guess is what he meant by "making it up to me."
I said to him — between bites of a pretty mediocre, not-worth-the-hassle sandwich — "You keep laboring under this delusion that I'm coming back here."
I see on the newswires that the Sizzler chain recently became a private (as opposed to public) company and now has a new management team. According to the new CEO, Ken Cole, "We've come a long way in rebuilding the chain, and we still have work to do, but we now have more resources to help us return Sizzler to the great American brand it was and that we believe it will be again." I think they may have a little more to do than they imagine. Somebody is going to have to let me know if they make a difference because I sure ain't going back.