One Last Evening with Pat

When Fred Willard took the podium about halfway through last night's gathering in remembrance of Pat McCormick, he said — and this is not an exact quote but it's close — "Isn't it odd that these days, we have to go to a memorial service to find something to laugh at?" An audience full of Pat's friends, including some of the best comedians and writers in the business, clapped and nodded in agreement.

It was a very funny (and long) evening and as I'm just back from it, let me try and type out a list of all who spoke before things begin to fuzz. Jack Riley was the M.C. and did an amazing job, much-praised by all in the room. Speaking were — not in this order — Thom Sharp, Gary Owens, Chuck McCann, Jack Riley, George Carlin, Henry Gibson, Ronnie Schell, Buck Henry, Paul Mazursky, Jack Burns, Marty Ingels, Dick Gautier, Shelley Berman, Ron Clark, Ron Friedman, Howard Storm, Arnie Kogen, Peter and Bill Funt (the sons of Allen Funt of Candid Camera), Paul Williams, Fred Willard and I know I'm forgetting someone. In the house but not speaking were Carl Reiner, Tom Poston, Charlie Brill and Mitzi McCall, Shirley Jones, Jim MacGeorge, Pat Harrington, Billy Riback, Peter Marshall, Jo Anne Worley and an awful lot of other talented folks.

As you might imagine, it was a very long show but also a very funny show…and most of the laughs could be credited to Pat. His friends quoted his best lines and told stories of Pat saying and doing outrageous things, many of which I cannot quote without causing Google to tag this as a porn site. Chuck McCann assembled a wonderful montage of Pat's career and best material, concluding with a long segment from The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson interviewing Pat, who was dressed like an enormous turkey. I'm also not going to quote some of the clean (or cleaner) McCormick lines that were heard because I didn't take notes and Pat was quite fussy about how his jokes were phrased. Let's wait until I get a tape of the proceedings so I can translate and post some of them verbatim. I don't want to screw up the wording of the line about how Orson Welles' jockey shorts had a tag that said "One size fits Rumania" or the Amazing Karnak line to which the answer was "Manny, Moe and Jack." (The question was, "Name two Jews and a cheese.") So you'll just have to be patient.

To conclude the ceremony, a nurse who'd been taking care of Pat since his stroke several years ago took the stage (and received a standing ovation) and then Pat's son Ben spoke. Finally, trumpeter Jack Sheldon played "Taps" and all the male comedians present took to the stage and dropped their pants. Dropping trou was a McCormick trademark and one that had been often mentioned in the preceding anecdotes.

George Carlin was seated in the front row and he was a tremendous audience for the various speakers, staying to the very end and complimenting all those who did well as they passed him to depart the stage. (There were big hugs and kisses for his one-time partner, Jack Burns, both on the way to the podium and as he came off.) After the show, I was standing with him and heard him going on, partly about his affection for his old pal Pat but also about his admiration for McCormick's skill as a crafter of jokes. "I don't know where he came up with some of those ideas," Carlin said, and I could only think: There's quite an endorsement. George Carlin is pretty much the Gold Standard when it comes to thinking up funny lines. For him to be in awe of Pat that way is all the testimonial a comedy writer could ever need.