About three weeks ago, I got a call from a friendly-voiced lady who said she was conducting a marketing survey for a national research company, the name of which I didn't catch. On a whim, I agreed to answer her questions and the first few were pretty innocuous…things like, "Do you like chocolate?" and "Have you ever rented a DVD?" But then, maybe twenty queries in, she started asking me about my household income and I said, "Put down 'declines to state.'" I don't think my income is the business of anyone except me, my Business Manager and the Internal Revenue…and if I could cut the last of these out of the loop, I would.
The lady got a bit upset that I wouldn't answer. She told me the survey was anonymous…but of course, she had my phone number. I said no, I would not answer questions about money, and if that's all she had left, the call was over. She replied, unconvincingly, "Listen, we're not supposed to say this but if you don't answer all the questions, I don't get paid for this. I only get paid for each survey that's fully completed."
I said, "Then just put down any numbers you like. Make something up."
She said, "I would, but they check."
I asked her, "How do they check? They don't have my name or my income. All they know is that I like chocolate. How do they — whoever 'they' are — check to see that you haven't made up the numbers?"
She mumbled and stammered and then she said, "Well, they monitor these calls. This is being taped."
"Aren't you supposed to inform me at the start of a call that the conversation is being taped? This isn't Linda Tripp, is it?"
"Uh, well, it isn't exactly being taped. It's more like…I can't explain but they check on us."
I announced, "Well, when they check on you, they'll see you made a noble effort. Bye!" And that was it for that conversation. I put it out of my mind and went back to whatever she'd interrupted. Performing a liver transplant, as I recall.
A week or so later, I got another call, this one from a man with some Marketing Research company. I didn't get its name but I think it was different from the earlier one. He asked if I'd answer some questions. This was during the time I was busy getting my mother in and out of the hospital and I really resented the call, so I guess I was a bit abrupt with the guy. I told him to leave me alone and hung up.
The next day, I got a call from someone who claimed to be his supervisor at the same firm, apologizing for the previous call. I said, "Fine, apology accepted." He asked if I had time to answer the survey. I said no. He asked if he could call back at a later time to ask me the questions. I got suspicious and asked, "Is there anything in there about total household income?" He said, "Uh, I'm not sure which questionnaire I have here for you…"
I said, "Please don't call here again…you or anyone from your company." And I ended that call.
Yesterday afternoon, someone from (allegedly) another Marketing Firm called with a survey. A woman began, "Your number has been chosen at random…"
I told her, "No, it hasn't. Please put down, 'This person will not answer our questions and we should never call him again.' Goodbye!"
I can be slow but I catch on, eventually. All these calls, I'm guessing, are from the same outfit, and they couldn't care less if I like chocolate or rent DVDs. They're out to build some sort of financial index/profile of the person at this phone number and their computer system still has me in the "need income data" category. They've worked out a routine: If one person can't get the info out of you one way, they wait a week and have someone else call and use a different approach. It wouldn't even surprise me if that "I don't get paid if you don't answer all the questions" routine is part of one script.
That's about all there is to this at the moment. I'll report back if I get another call. And next time, I think I'm going to see what I can find out about the company that's phoning me.