Somebody Loves Me?

A few years ago, I had a flurry of odd calls at my home. The phone would ring on one of my many incoming lines, I'd answer it and I'd hear a woman's voice say, "Oh, sorry. I have the wrong number." And then the party on the other end would hang up…only the party seemed to be a computer of some sort. The woman's voice was recorded.

I theorized that this was some sort of "fishing" expedition on the part of some firm that was compiling phone numbers to sell to someone. Perhaps they were looking for phone numbers that would be answered by fax machines. Perhaps they were trying to separate data lines from voice lines…something like that. But obviously, the mere fact that I answered the phone gave them whatever information they were seeking.

Recently, I have begun getting odd text messages on my cellphone. First off, it's odd that I'm getting text messages at all since only a few people have my cellphone number and none of them are set up to send a text message. But these communications come in every day or two, usually in the evening, and they say things like, "Going to bed. I love u" and "Cannot do lunch tomorrow. I love u." They are not from anyone I know.

The text messages are accompanied by the sender's phone number. I tried voice-dialing that number but it goes to a modem/data line, which is even odder. In theory, it should go to someone's cell phone. I thought of sending a text message back but the modem line thing made me suspect it might be a scam to locate cellphone numbers that are set up to receive text messages. I'm afraid that if I write back, I will validate my number and it'll be sold to hundreds of companies that will send me text messages offering to refinance my home or enlarge my breasts or enlarge my home or refinance my breasts or something. I'm assuming that if some real human being is text-messaging their loved one at the wrong number, they'll find out about it soon enough.

It reminds me of a time about 15 years ago when some guy kept phoning my house and asking for Donna. I did know a Donna then, but she wasn't here and I quickly determined that the caller was passionately in love with, and desperate to talk to some Donna I did not know. Something had gone wrong between them and he was certain that if he could just talk to his Donna, they could straighten it all out and get back together and eventually marry and have kids, etc.

At first, he called over and over, refusing to believe that he had the wrong number. He was certain I was lying to him and that his Donna was in the next room, avoiding him. I thought of saying something like, "Yeah, she's here but she's in the pool having sex with a bunch of accountants," but he sounded so serious, I was afraid he'd open his wrists.

I finally convinced him he really and truly had the wrong number, and he read me the number he thought he was dialing. It was one crucial digit different from mine. He apologized and hung up to dial the correct number…and sure enough, he got me again. This happened three or four more times in a row, like he was accidentally dialing not only the wrong number each time but, oddly, the same wrong number.

Finally, I told him something was probably wrong with his phone dial. The two was registering as a three. He said, "No, it's this damned faulty redial button. Every time I push it, I get you."

Donna was smart to get out when she did.