Went up to the Magic Castle (of which I am a member) for lunch with a fabulous actress friend named Judy Strangis. Most folks remember Judy for her role on a great, oughta-be-rerun sitcom called Room 222, and also for playing Dynagirl on Sid and Marty Krofft's ElectraWoman and DynaGirl series. There was also a time when the F.C.C. seemed to have a rule that she had to be in every fourth or fifth commercial aired, and she's still adorable. [ATTENTION, JUDY: To read that earlier item I posted about you, click here. Actually, anyone who wants to read that story can click there. You don't have to be Judy Strangis to click there.]
Then I went to what I once called here The Best Car Wash in the Universe, and you'll have to click that link to see why. Alas, I must now rescind that designation because today, they refused to fill my tank.
Premium unleaded petrol, the kind I put in my auto, is $2.71 — a number I feel I should emphasize to a certain longtime (but Republican) friend of mine who seriously thought Jimmy Carter should be impeached over rising gas prices. With a fill-up and wash, which is what I was getting, it's $2.61. My tank was darn close to empty when I rolled in, so a fill-up should have been close to 18 gallons. The pump's nozzle clicked off around eight and I told the attendant, "It can take more." The sensors on the nozzle clicked off again and he said, "That's it," and turned off the pump, wrote up my ticket and gave the signal to move my car on to the place where they vacuum it out and pry all the little parking lot stubs out from the ledge under the windshield wipers.
"It's not full," I said. It wasn't just that I wanted to save a buck or so by filling it to the brim at the gas+wash price. I wanted a full tank so I wouldn't have to stop for gas again in a few days. But the attendant informed me that station policy was that the second time the sensor clicks off, the tank is considered full, end of discussion. We argued over this and the Manager came over to explain the policy to me in terms you'd use with a very stupid person who'd just overdosed on Valium. I made salient, irrefutable points but by this time, my car was on the conveyor belt being slathered with suds so it all seemed pointless. I went on in to browse the greeting cards, check out the display of cellphone accessories, buy a Pepsi and pay for my wash and half a tank of gas.
Ten minutes later, my car was done. When I got in and fired 'er up, the needle went to about half-empty…or half-full for you optimists out there. The Manager was walking by so I called him over and pointed it out. I suggested that maybe there was something wrong with the sensors on their pump nozzles and he said, "Yeah, you may be right. I'll have the guy come out and check 'em." I asked if, in the meantime, I could drive over to the pump and they could put in another eight-or-so gallons. He said, "Sure, but I'll have to charge you the $2.71 price. You only get one fill-up at the discount price with each wash." It was another of their policies, he said.
I said, "That doesn't make any sense. I only want one fill-up. We're only having this discussion because I didn't get a fill-up. 'Fill-up' means you can't put any more in, so you can't get more than one flll-up per visit, no matter how hard you try."
He gave me a snarl and said, "You'd be surprised what some people try," and walked off. Guess which car wash I'm not going back to for a while. And by the way, the Manager's name was Phillip.