Monthly Archives: April 2004

I've lately been playing around with the new Rio Fuse MP3 player. It works just fine but being as tiny as it is, it has one drawback. A small player means small controls.

I've been recording Al Franken's shows and some others that aren't on Air America and attempting to listen to them while walking or driving or even working. What keeps happening is that I get two or two and a half hours into a three hour recording and then I have to pause it and resume later. There's a way to do this if you're real careful and delicate with the controls but I'm your basic klutz and what I keep doing is hitting the buttons wrong and losing my place. So when I go to restart playback, I find myself at the beginning of the recording. This is much easier to do than it oughta be.

I've partially solved the problem by chopping the MP3 files into small files but it's still annoying to listen to 40 minutes of a 60 minute file then lose your place. What I'd like to do is find another MP3 player where this won't happen. (I also wouldn't mind one that held more than 128MB.) I'd like to be able to listen for a while, then turn the thing off, then turn it on the next day and be right where I left off. And I'd like it not to be easy for me to lose my place. The Fuse has a "bookmark" feature but it seems too awkward for my purposes.

Anyone here got an idea what I want to go out and buy?

Certain fast food chains keep to certain areas. In-n-Out Burger, f'rinstance, is only in California, Nevada and Arizona. Koo Koo Roo is only in Southern California. Hardee's is only in 32 states…and so on. Some of these chains don't expand because they don't think there's a demand and others have reciprocal deals not to go into certain areas. Some just plain don't want to bother with setting up facilities and supply lines in other states.

For a long time, the big holdout to expansion has been White Castle. They're only in Chicago, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Columbus, Detroit, Indianapolis, Louisville, Minneapolis, Nashville, New Jersey, New York, St. Louis and a few cities adjoining these places. Frozen White Castle burgers (or a reasonable facsimile) are available in the refrigerator cases of many supermarkets across the nation…and sometimes you'll find a stand that tries to confuse the issue by calling itself "White Palace" or "Blue Castle" and serving some approximation of the White Castle cuisine. But genuine White Castle outlets have been confined to the aforementioned places.

Sometimes, some company that's assembling a new food court in a mall or some sort of amusement park outside those territories will decide that it wants to include a White Castle. Those who have tasted the greasy biscuits that the White Castle people pass off as burgers will wonder why anyone would desire such a thing. The answer is usually that some exec grew up in one of the above locales, has had a jolt of misremembered nostalgia, and somehow thinks that the citizens of some other vicinity will flock to buy 'em by the bag. With this as a premise, they approach the White Castle people and offer generous terms, only to receive a polite no.

Several years ago, I found myself at a party with several folks who were involved in the planning and construction of a forthcoming Las Vegas mega-resort. (A mega-resort is basically a hotel where you have to walk a long distance to your room.) The gent who was in charge of the food court told me — with a note of pride and achievement in his voice — that the selection of fast food outlets would include…a White Castle. I said, "Really? I always heard they refuse to go outside their area. How did you get them to agree to set one up in Vegas?" He revealed, as if mentioning a minor technicality, that the White Castle Board of Directors was as yet unaware that their wares would be in his food court. "They cannot say no to our offer," he said in a manner that echoed Don Corleone and explained that the terms he'd be presenting were such that someone would have to be brain-dead to decline. Then he added that if by some chance the head honchos at W.C. were brain-dead or foolishly stubborn, his hotel had "certain business connections" that would and could pressure them into accepting his generous proposal. I don't think he meant Mafia or anything of the sort. I think he meant genuine, above-board business connections. I also think that at that moment, he would have bet his house and kids that he could bring the White Castle execs to their knees and force compliance.

Eight months later, the hotel opened. In its food court, in the slot that was obviously intended for a White Castle, there was a Wendy's or maybe a Fatburger. Many years later, there is still no White Castle stand in Vegas or anywhere west of St. Louis.

But we may be seeing the end of an era. At the end of July, a new movie is being released called Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. It's a road trip movie about two guys who crave White Castle burgers. The very existence of the film will obviously give a pretty good boost to the chain in terms of publicity…but a friend of mine who works for the company releasing the movie says that this will coincide with White Castle coming to Hollywood. He says one will open at or around where Sweetzer Avenue intersects the Sunset Strip. This is very close to the location of Carney's, which is one of the best places in L.A. to get a burger or hot dog swimming in chili but my friend says, "That's where they're saying it's going to be."

You now know as much about this as I do. My friend may be wrong (he's been wrong before) or plans may change. But I do think that if they do finally open a White Castle here in Los Angeles, an awful lot of people are going to rush to eat there. Once.

What do you get for the person who has an enormous blank wall and nothing to put on it? Well, how about a billboard?

One thing I love about this weblog is that when I ask a question here, someone always has the answer…

Driving along today, I noticed a Ford Explorer with something odd attached. A hose about a half-inch in diameter was coming out of the bottom of the back seat door on the driver's side. The door was closed so there may have been some sort of notch cut into the door to allow this. Anyway, the hose led over and attached to the center of the hubcap on the rear tire on that side.

What the heck is that? The only thing I could guess was that some kind of battery is being charged by being connected to the spinning tire…but that doesn't seem particularly energy-efficient.

But like I said: Someone here will know…

One of the many things I find funny about politics is the way folks will try and spin almost any event as a victory for their side. Here's a trivial example: The other day in a short press conference, Bush had the following exchange with a reporter for the Associated Press…

REPORTER: Sir, in regard to —

BUSH: Who are you talking to?

REPORTER: Mr. President, in regard to the June 30th deadline…

As this was initially quoted on the Internet, it sounded like Bush had scolded a reporter for referring to him as "Sir" instead of "Mr. President." Almost immediately, if you browsed political blogs and chatboards, you saw two diverse opinions on what it all meant. The pro-Bush folks were whooping with delight that Bush had slapped down an insolent reporter and made him show some respect. The anti-Bush folks were saying how petty Bush looked for insisting that he be addressed as "Mr. President" instead of "Sir." (What's the difference, you ask? Well, some of the right-wingers have suggested that some reporters avoid addressing him as President because they're still trying to sell the idea that Al Gore earned that title.)

As it turns out, both sides were probably claiming something that did not occur. A more thorough report on the incident reveals that Bush had suddenly, unexpectedly, called on the reporter to ask a question and the guy, unprepared for it, was caught talking on a cell phone. So when Bush said, "Who are you talking to?", he wasn't complaining about not being addressed as Mr. President. He was joking about the fact that the guy was talking to someone else. That's something else altogether.

This brings me to today's testimony by Condoleezza Rice which is getting spun like a Duncan yo-yo across the 'net, with both sides seeing things that probably were not there. Just read one site where right-wingers were cheering how she body-slammed and humiliated her interrogators; another, where left-wingers were declaring her an obviously-fibbing failure. Based on the last hour or so (which I caught) and a few excerpts from the first part, I think both are wrong. If she did Bush damage, it was only for what she didn't do…make any kind of serious rebuttal to Richard Clarke. But she also helped Bush in that she pointed up some of what is to me an essential absurdity — the contention that we can look back and affix blame for 9/11 to specific actions or inactions. I'm afraid I don't buy all this hindsight and attempt to assign guilt to anyone who wasn't part of Al-Qaida.

Yes, there are things we can probably learn from discussing our pre-9/11 shortcomings. But when I hear folks talking about improving the handling and distribution of intelligence, I think they're overlooking an essential question: Is our intelligence any good in the first place? I mean, didn't some of our intelligence tell us that Saddam Hussein had all these Weapons of Mass Destruction? That they could be readied and used against us within 45 minutes? That they were definitely, absolutely in all those places that Colin Powell identified to the U.N.? If that was the quality of intelligence we were getting before 9/11, why is anyone suggesting that better distribution of it between government agencies might have stopped the suicide hijackings?

On the other hand, maybe our intelligence is much better than that. Maybe the pre-war intelligence on Iraq was 95% correct about those weapons and 5% wrong, and all those hawks in the White House — Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Cheney and (of course) Bush — chose to believe the 5%. If so, that would probably be a failing of human beings, not of the system. I think we should forget about investigating whether someone could have prevented 9/11 and instead ask how we can avoid sending American soldiers into battle without our leaders having the slightest clue as to what weapons the enemy has or where they have them. Regardless of how things turn out in Iraq, that's no way to run a war.

The folks who brought you the movie version of Chicago are planning a remake of Damn Yankees. Okay, I don't think there was anything wrong with the first film of Damn Yankees, either…but a fresh interpretation might be fun. And I'd hereby like to nominate Christopher Walken for the role of Applegate.

The Carnegie Deli in New York — maker of sandwiches so tall they oughta come with a step ladder — was briefly closed last night for a couple of health code violations. Every time I've eaten there for the last ten years, no matter where they sat me, Jackie Mason was at the next table. Why isn't that a health code violation?

…but this one is too funny not to note. At a fund-raising dinner for George W. Bush, folks paid $2000 for a sumptuous meal but were not given utensils with which to eat it.

Beginning this weekend, TV Land will be running four shows produced by my occasional employers, Sid and Marty Krofft, on the "Kitschen" programming block. Friday night, they have the first episodes of H.R. Pufnstuf, Lidsville, Sigmund and the Sea Monsters, and ElectraWoman and DynaGirl. Saturday night, they have the second episodes and then, assuming I've been correctly informed, the following Friday will offer the third episodes…and so on. The festivities begin at Midnight, at least in the East, so someone is figuring to attract adults who remember these shows, as opposed to kids who might be discovering them today…though there might well be a lot of those. There was always something wonderful and weird about Krofft shows and in the mid-seventies, when I was asked to go to work for them, I jumped at the opportunity. I didn't write any of these shows but I'm now going to jump at this opportunity to watch them again.

I paused in my deadline to check e-mail and found one challenging — no, daring me to predict John Kerry's running mate. Okay, I will: Governor Bill Richardson of New Mexico. Now, it's back to work…

Barring some breaking news, posting here will be light for the next few days while I finish a seriously-due manuscript and my income taxes. For some reason, doing the latter makes me think it's time to post another one of these…

Here's an interview with one of the cleverest humans on this planet, Larry Gelbart.

I have a half-dozen messages this morning telling me that the most memorable line from Blazing Saddles is: "'scuse me while I whip this out." If you say so.

Someone else asks if it's true that Mel Brooks wanted Richard Pryor to play the lead but the studio refused. That's what I always heard and I wonder if Brooks wasn't lucky that he didn't get his way. Obviously, Pryor is a much funnier actor than Cleavon Little…but Little was more clean-cut and heroic and handsome. And no one can ever say for sure but I wonder if he didn't fit the role better than Pryor would have. A key point in the film as made was that Bart was wholly qualified for the sheriff job but the town wouldn't accept him because of his skin color. Pryor would probably not have seemed so competent.

Actually, Brooks got lucky with a couple of casting replacements. The role of the burned-out gunslinger was originally offered to Johnny Carson (!) who passed on it because he didn't think the script was funny. The studio then ignored Mel's wishes and signed Gig Young for the part, and Young actually showed up for a day or two of shooting but was unable to perform. He had some sort of alcohol-related anxiety attack on the set so he was out, as was Dan Dailey, who apparently was signed at some point but was also having too much trouble with his drinking to play an old drunk. As the story goes, Brooks finally called Gene Wilder in New York, and Wilder hopped on a plane and was in Burbank and before the cameras the next morning. That worked out okay.

So did Madeline Kahn, who got herself fired from the film version of Mame, which was shooting at the same time. She was playing Agnes Gooch and Lucille Ball, who was playing Mame, thought Kahn was hopelessly miscast in the movie. (The rest of Show Business felt the same way about Lucy.) Kahn was axed and she immediately signed for Blazing Saddles, prompting Lucy and others to suggest she had underperformed as Gooch just to get out. If so, it was a good call. Lucy should have tried the same trick.

Time to face reality: I have fallen hopelessly behind in answering e-mail. I just spent two hours, which is all I can spare tonight, responding…and I still have over 200 unanswered recent messages.

I have a major deadline this week, plus I have to get my income tax data collected and over to my Business Manager before he leaves for Brazil with the rest of my money. But I'll try to catch up soon. In the meantime, please be patient. And if you write a message and it doesn't need a reply, that would be a nice thing to mention. Thanks.

Peter Sanderson reports on the recent memorial service in New York for Julius Schwartz. I'm sorry I couldn't get back there for it.