So a little while ago, I get this real insulting phone call from a human being (I'm being charitable) who works for SBC, which is my phone provider. He says my phone bill is overdue and if I don't make payment in 48 hours, my phones will be shut off and I will have to pay all sorts of deposits and penalty fees along with my bill to get them turned on again. I inform the gent that I signed up for SBC's online bill collection service, whereby the total amount of the bill is deducted directly from my checking account each month. If the bill hasn't been paid, I tell him, it's their fault, not mine. The man is very persistent and he keeps saying, "Well, no matter whose fault it is, the bill must be paid in two days." I get the feeling he is on some sort of quota with his employer. No matter what the circumstances, if he doesn't collect promptly on X% of all the matters assigned to him, he gets demoted or fired or something. At least, that's my impression.
He says that I must either arrange for payment with him right now via credit card or talk to their Business Office. I elect to talk to their Business Office and he gives me its 800 number.
I call the Business Office and follow the voice prompts that are supposed to get me to the person with whom I can discuss this situation. This immediately routes my call to something they call QuickService, which is a computerized payment process that asks me to enter my credit card number so my outstanding balance can be charged to the card. There are no other options, no way by which I can talk to a human being.
I hang up, call back and listen once again to the voice prompts, figuring there must be something I can select that will steer my call to a person. No matter what I push, I am dragged back to QuickService and a cheery voice demanding I enter my credit card number so that my bill can be paid in full immediately.
I again hang up and go to the SBC website. There I find dozens of different places where they inform me how to contact them if I have a question or problem with my bill. Unfortunately, they all give me that same 800 number.
I call the 800 number again and this time, I do not follow the voice prompts. I do not enter the information for which I am asked when it is requested. No matter what I'm asked for, I hit "0" for Operator. Amazingly, this enables me to escape the dead end of QuickService. I am finally steered to a voice that tells me all of their service representatives are busy and if I will stay on the line, my call will be answered in the order received. Oh, yes — and they tell me my call is important to them, which is darned flattering. So I wait on hold for…well, I'm not sure how long it is but the above was written during the period I've been waiting so far.
Hold on. It sounds like a person is coming on line. I'll be back to you in a bit.