Quite a few folks have e-mailed me links to obits like this one for Harold von Braunhut, the man who invented and marketed the "Amazing Sea Monkeys." Most of the pieces spoke admiringly of his ability to merchandise odd items, and I suppose that's worthy of a salute. But I wonder how many children were traumatized at an early age because they sent their allowances off to order the Amazing Sea Monkeys and learned that advertising does not always convey the exact truth. The Amazing Sea Monkeys were not monkeys and they did not come from the sea. Worse, they did not become goofy little families with hair ribbons and blonde hair and happy (or even any) faces as seen in the ads. (If you'd like to see what a real "Sea Monkey" looks like, go to this site.) Mr. von Braunhut's x-ray specs also did not let you see through walls or clothing, either.
As a matter of fact, if you put on the x-ray specs, you still couldn't see the joyous expressions of the Sea Monkeys, which were about half the size of ants, if that large. Neither purchase gave you more than about three minutes of semi-enjoyment, followed by an overwhelming feeling of having been taken, plus one or more parents saying, "Let this be a valuable lesson to you." That was about all the Sea Monkeys were good for, except that for a time, the Denny's restaurant chain was breading and deep-frying them and serving five on a plate with cole slaw as their Fisherman's Seafood Platter. You know, they weren't bad that way.