Set the TiVo (maybe)

I'm not sure how many cities are getting it but tomorrow night (Sunday) is the annual Chabad L'Chaim to Life Telethon. It's on in Los Angeles (starting at 5:00 PM on KCAL, Channel 9) and I think in New York (presumably at 8 PM due to the time difference) and I don't know where else. It's seven hours of dancing Jews, celebrities (including many you've heard of), pleas for money, and generally wonderful Yiddish-style music. It is at times entertaining in a campy manner and at times, genuinely entertaining.

For years, it was hosted by comedian Jan Murray who was wonderful at it. As Jan got older, one aspect of the show got more entertaining. You see, every time they go to the tote board for a new total, they play a peppy Jewish folk tune and a group of young men come out and dance a rousing hora in celebration. It was tough enough for Mr. Murray to host for seven hours but every fifteen minutes or so, he had to join in this dance and as the show wore on, he'd get more and more winded, and I think some people just watched to see if Jan Murray was going to drop dead on camera. Some may even have donated just to hasten the next tote.

The last year or two he did the show, Murray begged off dancing and they brought in Jon Voight to be his "dance-in" (as in, "stand-in") which deprived us of that fun, but there were other joys. One year, Bob Hope was on and did a great job of mentioning the name of the charity about ninety times without once pronouncing it correctly.

"Chabad" is pronounced, like "Chanukah," with the "c" almost but not quite silent. You pronounce such words as if they begin with the "H," but you insert a little inhaled gasp before that letter. That's if you're trying to be correct. If you're Bob Hope, who was about as unJewish as a guy who did one-line jokes could be, you pronounce it with the "ch" sound of "charlie" or "cha-cha." Then to really get it wrong, you put the emphasis on the wrong syllable and…well, it was one of the funnier things Mr. Hope did in his last decade.

I don't know who's hosting this year. After Jan Murray retired, they tried Fyvush Finkel, who did a credible job, and radio talk show host Dennis Prager, who was awful. The publicity for tomorrow night's affair lists celebs including Jeffrey Tambor, Martin Sheen, Regis Philbin, Serena Williams, Magic Johnson, Howie Mandel, Darryl Sabara, and the cast of Friends, but doesn't say who's hosting.

Still, it'll be worth watching just to see the energetic Rabbi Boruch Shlomo Cunin, who runs the West Coast Chabad-Lubavitch. There's a page about an earlier Chabad Telethon at this website, including a page where you can see some video excerpts from past broadcasts.

One other thing will be missing besides Jan Murray. My friend, actor-writer Stanley Ralph Ross passed away in 1999. Stanley used to work on the telethon every year, often as its announcer and always answering phones. Stanley was very tall and though a very sweet man, he had a deep, gravelly voice that often got him jobs on cartoon shows as dastardly villains.

Every so often, someone on the phone banks would get a call from some Jew-hater uttering anti-Semitic garbage. If Stanley was around, they'd pass the call over to him and he'd signal the Stage Manager to tell the director to cut to a shot of him if possible. Then he'd tell the caller, "You see that 6'6" Jew on your screen? That's me. Come on down to the station, meet me in the parking lot and say that to my face, you cowardly bastard!"

According to Stanley, he'd hear them gulp and hang up. The telethon after he told me this, I watched and, sure enough, at one point in the middle of a number, they cut suddenly to Stanley and though I couldn't hear him, I could read his lips as he challenged the guy and called him a cowardly Nazi bastard. Then Stanley started laughing and I knew the guy had hung up. I immediately called up, got routed to Stanley and donated a hundred bucks. Best thing I saw on television that year.