Every so often, I cross paths with someone who causes me to say, "Boy, I'm glad I don't have to do that for a living." I have just added the following job description to the list: Driving a tow truck that impounds cars that are sort of illegally parked.
This afternoon, Carolyn and I went to a surprise birthday party up in Laurel Canyon and so that the birthday boy wouldn't spot and recognize my car on the way in, I parked as directed off on a side street. It turned out this is a street that looks like a normal public road but some of the residents there have managed to have it classified as private. There's a sign that says, in effect, "No parking here or we'll have you towed," but it's not a city sign. It looks more like it was put up by a realtor, and it's about the size of a business card (I'm exaggerating) and half-covered with tree limbs (I'm not exaggerating). Anyway, I didn't notice it and I parked in what looked like a perfectly normal place to park.
An hour or so later, the host of the party announced that towing was going on outside. We all ran out and my green Lexus was nowhere to be seen. A tow truck was removing another auto from near where mine had been parked. I asked him where mine was and he handed me the business card of his company which was way out in Van Nuys and told me I could pick mine up tomorrow between 9 and 5, and it would cost $250 — cash, no checks. Well, you can just imagine how delighted I was with this.
I did a fast replotting of my life: Carolyn and I would have to take a cab home tonight, then I'd have to take a cab out to Van Nuys in the morning, plus pay the fee. So we're looking at maybe $325 plus at least two hours tomorrow, plus the loss of transportation this evening. Even if I could get a ride home or to Van Nuys tomorrow, the punishment seemed disproportionate to the crime. Given the concealment of what wasn't even a city "no parking" sign, I could make a case that we were entrapped or at least not given fair warning. But let's put that aside and say I was culpable. Does this penalty make sense, either monetarily or in terms of aggravation and time? We were not blocking driveways or access. I don't think our cars were even occupying spaces that the homeowners along that street might have needed since it didn't say "parking by permit only" or anything. I think the people there simply don't want anyone parking on "their" street.
Now, there are "no parking" signs (real ones) on my street — much more clearly displayed, plus they actually look like "no parking" signs. They apply to specific hours when the street cleaners need to burnish the gutters and at other times, they limit parking to two hours on one side of the street and to folks with permits on the other. This is because otherwise, people who work in nearby businesses would occupy all the spaces all day, and there would be no place for our visitors, cleaning women, gardeners, etc. to park. If you violate these restrictions, the fine is around $40 and they leave your car right where it is. No towing. That seems fair to me…or at least, fairer than $250 and an impound.
In some cases — like, if you come running out while the tow guy's still there as we did today in Studio City, there's a lesser (but still outrageous) alternative. As we were all fuming and fretting that our cars had been towed away, the driver returned and informed us that he hadn't yet taken them to Van Nuys. Our cars were "impounded" down the street and he'd "do us a favor" and release them then and therefor only $125 in cash.
You can smell the scam. First, they tell you that it'll cost more than twice that and that it'll be a huge pain in the ass. Then after putting you in despair, they act like they're doing you a favor by "only" charging you half. It's extortion but you realize, as we all realized, that fighting is going to cost a lot more time and money, and there's probably some statute that makes it perfectly legal. I think that's what bothered me the most about it — knowing that contesting it can only be aggravating and time-consuming and a probable dead-end. The way to minimize damage is, alas, to fork over the cash and accept it.
The tow truck driver kept saying, "Hey, I'm sorry about this, but they [meaning some nearby homeowner] made the call." And he was right on one level, I guess. To the extent there's a master villain in this episode, it's the folks who got their street posted like that and who called in the tow truck, and I'd also fault whatever laws and regulations allow this. (In case I haven't made it clear, this is a residential area, nowhere near business. On my street, those who park illegally are usually folks working in or patronizing businesses a few blocks away. On the street where today's towing was done, anyone parked is visiting a neighbor.)
The tow truck operators sure have a lovely racket here. A normal transport from there to Van Nuys would be around $75 and they probably make a decent profit doing that. In this situation, they charge $250 to tow you, or $125 if they don't. And let's remember: These guys aren't the police. Your car has been grabbed by some guy without a badge and none of the money you fork over goes to the city. In this case, they also ruined a party, embarrassed the host and risked causing other damage. There were two prominent heart specialists at the gathering and while they didn't get towed, what would happen if they got beeped that they were needed in surgery, ran out and found that their cars were en route to Van Nuys? What if someone was actually stranded in a strange neighborhood with no way to get home? We can all imagine all sorts of unpleasant scenarios and I'm sure that most of them have happened. It's a real sleazy way to earn money.
The driver kept saying, "Hey, sorry, but it's my job" and I've never believed that's an excuse for anything. There are legal ways to earn money that people ought to be ashamed to do and that probably should not be legal. I sure hope I never sink that low to make a buck. I came close with one show that I wrote for ABC but thank God, it wasn't quite that bad.
I'm going to look into this further and I'm sure I'll write more.