For reasons that you wouldn't care less about, I'm trying to identify two novelty songs I heard as a kid. Though I have an immense collection of silly records and comedy albums, these two tunes have eluded me. Don't know who recorded them, don't know their real names. I'm going to describe as much of them as I remember in the hope that some visitor to this site will go, "Oh, I know what that is," and drop me an e-mail. Keep in mind that I haven't heard either of these songs in about forty years…
Song #1 is called something like "The Average Giraffe." A male chorus sings all sorts of little statistics about giraffes. The last line, I'm pretty sure, goes: "So be glad, my friend / And be grateful no end / You're not the average giraffe."
Sound familiar? No? Well then, let's move on to the other one…
Song #2 is called something like "How To Make A Hit Record" and I'm pretty sure I saw Jerry Lewis doing a lip-sync to it on some show around 1960. A male voice sings about how he figured out what he needs to make a big hit. At one point, he sings, "…so I got me a group" and back-up singers chime in with, "Yeah, yeah / Yeah, yeah." And then the male singer continues, "Then the band comes along / That's all / That's all / That's all / That's all / That's all I need — to make a hit record."
Ring any bells? Aw, shucks. Well, maybe somebody can identify them. And no, I wasn't lying awake 'til this hour trying to think of them.