Slots O' Fun

popeyeslot

I don't like playing slot machines in Vegas but I love looking at them, and I'm more interested than I probably should be in the new generation of slots themed around cartoons, comic strips, celebrities, game shows and old sitcoms.  Two companies are leading the way in this field — Bally's and I.G.T., which stands for International Game Technology.  Both of them, you might like to know, are releasing their software so you can play their slots on your home computer.  Over at Masque Software, you can purchase the Bally's pack (which includes Popeye and Blondie) and Slots II (which is a batch of I.G.T. games, including most of the slots featuring Betty Boop)  And there are others there which are a lot cheaper to play on your own PC or Mac than they are in Nevada.

Cheaper than either, if you just want to see what these things do, is to watch on-line sales videos that tout the features of these machines.  Over at this page, assuming you have RealPlayer installed, you can view sales presentations for a number of I.G.T. slots.  Paul Dini, if you're reading this, don't miss the Sinatra Slots! demo, which features five different slot machines with Frank's face and music.  All of you, check out that one, the Austin Powers machines, the Munsters demo, the Addams Family, etc.  You can also find demos for Popeye, Blondie, the amazing Ray Charles slot machine, a Frankie and Annette Beach Party slot and others if you prowl around the site for Bally Gaming.  (One of the great things about those demos is that in them, the slots somehow pay off every time…)

Red 'n' Terry

And here we have another one of those photos of two great comedians posing together.  I told all my stories about Red Skelton in this article, and I never met Terry-Thomas…so I don't have a lot to add, other than to suggest a couple of thought balloons.  Skelton's thinking, "You'd better not upstage me, Gaptooth, or I'll have you deported so fast, it'll singe your mustache."  And Terry-Thomas is thinking, "The things you have to do to get on American television — consorting with tramps…"

Several folks inform me that Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol is airing tonight at 7PM on the Canadian Broadcasting Company.  Well, maybe next year in the U.S.  In the meantime, we all have our DVDs and VHS tapes, and I think I also have it on Beta and Laserdisc.  I think I've spent more on home video copies of it than it cost to make in the first place.  Who's the nearsighted guy in this equation?

Remember: Only four more shopping days 'til Stan Lee's Birthday!  Stores open late.

Jack 'n' Bob

For some reason, my files contain a lot of photos of great comedians posing together.  Here's a shot of Mr. Benny and Mr. Hope, taken to promote an evening where they had "back-to-back" specials on NBC.  Somewhere on a long list of regrets I have is that I never took more advantage of an "in" I had to hang around the NBC studios in Burbank when these gents (and Johnny and Dino and a few others) were doing their shows.  I always found it fascinating and educational when I did it, but I didn't do it as often as I should have.

Hope always seemed to be taping a special when I was over there, and he had it down to such an exact science — get in, read the cue cards, get out — that it was almost disappointing to watch.  You also didn't get to see him do what he did best, which was the opening monologue.

He'd tape the entire special except for the monologue and then, a day or two before its air date, he'd go on with Johnny Carson to plug it.  After The Tonight Show finished that evening, they'd fly in a special curtain and Hope would tape his monologue in front of Johnny's audience.  (I saw this once.  Johnny stood off to one side, yelling how he had worked his way up in show business to being Bob Hope's warm-up guy.)  This procedure enabled Hope to do his opening remarks at the last minute, thereby making them more topical.

I never got to see Jack Benny taping but I met him once, when I was about 11.  It was at the corner of Wilshire and Santa Monica Blvd., on the corner where the Creative Artists Agency building has since been erected.  Mr. Benny was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, knee socks and what struck me as inappropriately expensive shoes, given the rest of his outfit.  We were both waiting for a very long light to change and he turned to me and said, "I don't know why these things take so long to change."  I had no idea of what to say in reply and he apparently took that as a sign that I didn't know who he was and said, "You don't recognize me, do you?"  (That sounds snotty, I guess, but he said it in a very nice way.)

I finally found my voice and stammered out something like, "You wouldn't have to wait for these lights if you let Rochester pick you up in the Maxwell," and he gave me a look that any Jack Benny fan would recognize.  In fact, now that I think back on it, it seems like he was giving the proper Benny/comedy take to an unseen camera.

What struck me most about him was how gentle and unassuming he was.  Later, when I met Bob Hope, he was always on, always playing the star.  You would never have met him walking all alone through Beverly Hills and, if you did, he wouldn't stop and ask you where you went to school.  He spoke only of what he was doing and what he had to do next.  That's not a criticism; just an observation.  And when I look at the above photo, I think you can almost perceive that difference between the two men.  You can also sense — and I think this is genuine — that they really, really liked each other.

On the Set

Click above to enlarge

Continuing with our Christmas week sharing of great photographs:  I have a column on this site about going to see The Dick Van Dyke Show filmed when I was a wee lad.  As it happens, that particular week's show was one which Roddy McDowall selected to photograph.  Mr. McDowall was, of course, a fine actor but he was also pretty facile with a camera, and he liked to go to sets and snap off a few.  The photo at left is one that he took during a rehearsal, probably a few hours before filming the episode, "Your Home Sweet Home is My Home," which was shot on February 2, 1965.  It's the one where Rob and Laura bought their house with the big rock in the basement and got into a fight with Millie and Jerry about it.

The actor at right, playing Rob Petrie's accountant, is Eddie Ryder.  Mr. Ryder was one of those ubiquitous TV actors in the sixties, doing bit parts on just about every show, usually as some sort of clerk or government official, and he also got into a number of movies.  (He's the third guy in the air traffic control tower, along with Carl Reiner and Jesse White, in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.)  When filming began on this Dick Van Dyke Show episode, Mr. Van Dyke blew the first take by addressing him as "Eddie" instead of his character name, "Bert."

I'm not sure who the man at left is — perhaps the director of that episode, Lee Phillips; perhaps, a camera coordinator or lighting guy.  I remember being impressed with the precision involved in the process.  Technical advances later made it a bit easier to film a show with three cameras (and tape made things even simpler) but back then, it required the actors to hit specific marks in order to be properly lit and framed.  It looked like a lot of work.

I noticed this kind of thing during the scenes that did not involve Mary Tyler Moore.  During the scenes that did involve Mary Tyler Moore, I noticed Mary Tyler Moore.  And almost nothing else.

The Boys and Broadway

Here's a photo that I wanted to share with you all.  There are a lot of autographed pics around of Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy, some of which they actually signed.  The signatures on this one look genuine, and it's one of the sharpest prints I've seen of what may be the best photograph ever taken of the gents who may be the best comedians to ever grace the Silver Screen.  In a month or three, I'll be adding a Laurel and Hardy filmography to this site — a listing of all their films and what I think of each of them.

The longest-running show in the history of Broadway is still Cats and, since Les Miserables is closing in March, that record will not soon be broken.  The only contender is Phantom of the Opera, which would have to run three more years to snag the title.  That's unlikely.  So is the notion that either Beauty and the Beast or Rent will stick around long enough to log more performances than Cats.  So it'll be a long time before a show that anyone liked takes the top spot.  Here's the full list of long runs on Broadway.

Spam Fighter

One disadvantage of having a website like this is that it increases the amount of spam you receive.  Companies that harvest e-mail addresses and compile lists for sale find your domain.  Suddenly, you're receiving hundreds of messages about enlarging your genitalia, borrowing money, browsing porn, or letting Nigerians use your bank account.  You also get a mess of virus-infected messages that you might prefer not to receive.

There's no foolproof way to eliminate it all but I've been able to cut waaaay down using a nice little piece of software called Mailwasher.  It acts like an e-mail program except that it goes to the server from whence you pick up your e-mail and captures all your waiting messages in text only — no attachments, no graphics, etc.  The messages are copied, not downloaded.  The full versions remain on the server, just as if you hadn't yet fetched them.

You can then look over the list of captured messages and mark for deletion all the ones with gibberish in the subject line or the word "penis" or whatever.  A filter can be set up to do this automatically, based on whatever key words you denote.  You can also create what they call a "blacklist," which is a database of automatic deletions of all messages from a certain address, and a "friends" list, which will automatically mark certain folks' messages as desired.  If you're on a mailing list for Cheese Eaters, and all the messages come with "[CHEESE EATERS]" in the subject line, you can put that in the filter and those will automatically be marked for your "friends" list.

Once you mark all your currently-waiting messages (or let the filters do it), you hit a button that says "Process mail" and Mailwasher goes back to your server and deletes all the ones marked for deletion.  You then immediately launch your regular e-mail program and it downloads all the messages you wanted, and you proceed the way you always do.  What's different is that all those virus-laden messages and ads are deleted while they're still on the server.  (This is not a substitute for a virus checker like Norton or McAfee.  You need one of them functioning, as well.  But it's obviously better not to download those messages in the first place.)

You can also set Mailwasher to "bounce" the messages you're deleting, which means they're returned to the sender as if your e-mail address is invalid.  The premise here is that it will cause some of them to take you off their lists…but experts suggest it accomplishes the opposite.  And if, as occasionally happens, the spammer has sent the mail with the forged address of an innocent bystander, then you'll be spamming that bystander.

In any case, even with the "bounce" feature turned off, Mailwasher is a very handy thing.  The first few times you use it, it takes no more time than it would take to download all your mail and manually delete every piece of spam.  As you use it, it goes faster and faster…and it also gives you the chance to peek inside a questionable e-mail without opening it.

So how much is this wonderful piece of software?  Amazingly, you can download it for free at www.mailwasher.net, and it will run fine, except that a little banner will ask you to register and donate.  If you like the program but don't like that banner nagging you, you can get rid of it by sending the Mailwasher people anything more than three bucks.  (The suggested donation is $20.  I experimented with the program for all of five minutes before sending in my twenty.)

There are, of course, many other ways of dealing with unwanted e-mail, but this one is working well for me.  It might work for you.

Two Guys Doing Neat Stuff

I am a huge fan of Penn and Teller, and have been since I first saw them playing a crummy little joint in Westwood, long before they made it onto TV.  They're obviously smart, opinionated guys who say things others might be afraid to say, and say them in a way no one has ever said them before.  That they're also entertaining on top of that is a bonus.  Anyway, I am eagerly looking forward to their forthcoming Showtime series, which has the easy-to-remember title, Penn and Teller: Bullshit!  It debuts January 24 and on it, they'll be exposing hokey mediums, scams, rip-offs, guys who claim to be able to bend spoons with their minds…stuff like that.  Here's a link to more info on it, complete with a promo you can watch right this second on your adorable computer.

Sicne I'm recommending Shockwave cartoons for you to watch, here's a link to an online political cartoon — it's about Trent Lott — by Mark Fiore.  (My thanks to devout POVonline reader Rephah Berg, not only for recommending this but for the continued and much-appreciated catching of typos on this site.)

Rain or Shine

There are several ways to get weather forecasts on the Internet.  Some are those of the National Weather Service, though the best place I've found to access these is at www.wunderground.com. That site makes no bones about what they're issuing, whereas some sites dress up the NWS proclamations to look like their own, proprietary forecasts.

Other predictions come from private firms, like AccuWeather and Intellicast that supply info to TV and radio news broadcasts, newspaper and various industries that need more specific weather data than NWS provides.  The private firms are probably more useful to their clients but, on the 'net, the NWS has a big edge.  They update info more often and what you get from them is actually written by a human being, as opposed to being output from a computer reading.

Case in point: Right now, it's mostly clear in Los Angeles.  The rain stopped around 4:00 in the morning and the satellite pix have shown almost no moisture since then.  The National Weather Service forecast has been saying, since they updated it this morning at 10:55 AM…

Partly cloudy. A slight chance of showers through early afternoon. Highs in the mid 50s to lower 60s. Chance of rain 20 percent.

That's probably about as accurate as you could be.  The Intellicast forecast was last updated at 1:00 PM and as I write this, it still says…

A steady rain this morning. Showers continuing this afternoon. High 58F. Winds W at 10 to 15 mph. Chance of rain 70%. Rainfall near a half an inch.

I don't know when they first posted that but it's been up (and been unchanged through updates) for 11 hours since the last raindrop fell.  It's really a lovely afternoon out.  Meanwhile, over at AccuWeather, they say, "Clouds and sun; a few showers," while www.weather.com (which is The Weather Channel) says rain for today, mostly cloudy tonight.

This is pretty much the way it always is.  The National Weather Service is sometimes wrong because, well, weather forecasters are sometimes wrong.  But the other online sources are either wrong (because no one's paying much attention to them) or they give such ambiguous prognostications that they're not wrong…they just aren't very useful.  It amazes me the number of times it'll be pouring outside my window but one of these sites is still forecasting night and morning low clouds.

I think I once said here that if you want the best-possible weather forecast, you should go to all these sites and kind of mentally "average" what they say — like getting a second or third opinion from doctors.  Lately though, I'm inclined to just head over to www.underground.com for the NWS forecasts.  They're not always correct but at least they try.

Lion King

Disney's stage version of The Lion King opened in New York on November 13, 1997 and immediately became one of the biggest smash-hits the town had ever seen.  About a month later, I called in a favor (a very big favor, obviously) and obtained tickets to see it at the New Amsterdam Theater.  What follows is the review I wrote after that night…and what will follow this flashback is my review of the touring company performance which I caught last night in Los Angeles.  Here's what I wrote back in '97, and please note that the rumors about them adding a second company or doing more than eight performances a week never evolved into anything more than rumors…

Before I turn reviewer here, I should own up to a possible conflict of interest: I am a Disney stockholder.  I own one share.

This means I get all sorts of neat mailings and stockholders' reports.  For those of you who are into science-fiction, I recommend the latter, especially the parts about Michael Eisner's salary.

I also receive quarterly dividend checks, the most recent of which was for 13 cents.  They spent 32 cents in postage to send this to me, plus probably a buck or two in processing costs.  How this company can possibly stay in business, throwing around money like this, is beyond me.

Actually, one of the things the Disney organization does very well is to throw around money.  They tend not to throw much of it towards employees below the executive level, and it sure doesn't make it down to us stockholders.  But they do lob it around and usually to good effect.

Nowhere is this more in evidence than on 42nd Street where the New Amsterdam Theater, shabby and in disrepair for too long, has been reborn.  This is the work of checks, from both the city and the Disney folks, far larger than the ones the latter sends me.  The theater — the whole block, in fact — has received a stunning makeover and is now magnificent.  I dunno what scalpers are getting lately for seats to The Lion King, but it's probably worth it just to walk into the New Amsterdam and stare at the ceiling.

Large amounts of Disney Dollars have also been spent to put The Lion King on the boards, and it already looks like a brilliant investment.  They're hurriedly putting together new companies of the show to play other theaters.  Okay, that's how it usually works.  A show's a hit on Broadway and they assemble a road company to go play Toronto and Chicago and so on.  But what's staggering about the success of The Lion King is that they're reportedly discussing another company to play New York City.

That's right.  They're turning so many folks away down on 42nd Street that someone thinks it would be cost-efficient to procure another theater in or around Times Square and open a second production of The Lion King in town.  And if that cannot be arranged, word along the Great White Way is that they're dickering with the unions about adding some cast and staff, rotating them about and doing more than the customary eight performances a week.

This is almost unprecedented in theatrical history.  Apparently, there was a now-obscure show way back in 1917 that was then so non-obscure and in-demand that its producers opened a second, concurrent production at another theater.  That was the last time doubling-up was even a viable notion.

Disney, of course, has one big advantage if they decide to clone The Lion King: No one is coming to see the actors.  As must delight the corporate hierarchy, the sets and costumes and especially the staging are the stars, so duplicating the show is just a matter of writing checks — something, as noted, Disney does well.

And the sets, costumes are staging are wonderful.  Director Julie Taymor has placed a surreal, colorful impression of the jungle on the stage of the New Amsterdam.  Though not one real animal appears anywhere in the production, the theater is alive with antelope and giraffes and hyenas and birds and even an elephant, all limned in costuming and puppetry.  The impact is, with a few exceptions which I'll get to, artfully stunning and effective.

So I should be writing here that it was a wonderful evening and that it's one of the greatest shows I've ever seen.  The truth is — and I'm just as amazed at this as you may be, especially if you've read the reviews — I didn't like it very much.

I am, I must admit, darn near alone on this.  The audience this evening stood and cheered and generally left as happy as I've ever seen a crowd exit.  Despite the fact that the plotline precisely replicates the movie, which I liked a lot, I found the show uninvolving and even, particularly in the second act, occasionally boring.  My problem — and it may just be my problem — is that I think the staging is so wonderful, so much the show, that it smothers the story.

This was not the case with Beauty and the Beast.  For me, the Broadway incarnation expanded upon and enhanced the scenario, bringing it to life on a whole new level.  But then, that property enjoyed an advantage: It was the tale of a lord and his palace staff transformed into monstrosities, and of their struggle to regain human forms.  This was all done well in animation, but it simply meant more to see them, on stage, transformed back into actual human beings, as opposed to more realistically-drawn cartoon characters.

No such enhancement occurs with Simba and the tale of his ascendancy to the throne.  In the movie, there is a key plot moment: Simba is caught in a stampede and nearly trampled into a smear before he is rescued by his father.  It is a scary and memorable scene, and I don't see how the film could have done a better job of it.  The moment is re-created on stage for the musical and, again, they do a clever job, the ingenuity of which brings applause.

But it isn't scary.  Not in the least.

You're not watching a life-threatening stampede, you're watching a staging trick.  That's what the audience applauds: Look how resourcefully they're symbolizing a stampede on stage.

Well, that's not what you're supposed to be thinking; not if there's a genuine narrative in progress.  You're supposed to be thinking: Geez, Simba's in a lot of trouble.  Therein, to me, lies the problem.  I never stopped watching the staging and started watching the characters.

It's especially unsettling with regard to three animals from the movie — Timon, Pumbaa and Zazu.  (In the animated edition, Timon was the meerkat voiced by Nathan Lane, Pumbaa was the warthog voiced by Ernie Sabella, and Zazu was the uppity hornbill voiced by Rowan "Bean" Atkinson.)  It may have been due to someone's concern for the ongoing merchandising of those characters, or it was just felt that kids would notice their absence or remodelling.  The lion characters — Simba, Mufasa, Scar, etc. — are just played by folks wearing mane headdresses.  But Timon, Pumbaa and Zazu have been faithfully replicated as puppets and, while their handlers do skillful jobs of manipulating them and aping the film voices, the puppeteers are intentionally and jarringly visible.

We're supposed to just ignore them, and we try, but it's like trying to overlook one Siamese twin.  Zazu has a little clownlike man in a derby hat sticking out of him for the entire show and it's impossible to look at the puppet and not at the funny little man.  (By the way, they expanded Pumbaa's part by adding a seemingly-endless array of fart jokes and, yes, they even used that word.  Walt would have been so proud.)

So that all didn't work for this reviewer.  I also found the songs undistinguished, particularly the new ones but also those I'd liked in the movie.  (There are some splendid musical moments involving African dance, but they have little or nothing to do with Simba or his crown or any of this.)  For me, the whole evening was one of those Grinch-like experiences, where you're up on the hillside, looking down at Whoville, wondering why everyone but you is having such a wonderful time.

I didn't…and I am well aware that it won't make one bit of difference to the Walt Disney Company.  The Lion King is one of the biggest hits to ever roar on Broadway and it will probably be running there when the kid playing the Young Simba is old enough to play the Adult Simba.  Though I didn't like the show, there are two reasons I'm pleased for its success…

1. Broadway needs future playgoers.  Some years ago, someone — it may have been me — was suggesting that the theatrical community should subsidize a permanent and ongoing production of Peter Pan in some Times Square house.  No matter how much it lost, they should underwrite it and keep it going, so that youngsters can be taken to it, and introduced to the theater.

This may no longer be necessary, thanks to Disney.  Beauty and the Beast — which I think is a wonderful show — is still running, and The Lion King may at least work well on that level.  Disney plans other such productions and, in light of their success, others will doubtlessly follow.  So Broadway — which in many years past offered nothing to which you could take a 9-year-old — is becoming more the kid-friendly environment.  That's great.  And the other reason I'm delighted to see The Lion King succeed is —

2. Like I said, I own the one share of stock.  This show is making millions and — who knows? — maybe one of these days, my dividends will be half the cost of the stamps to send them to me.

Okay, that's what I wrote back then.  Lemme tell you about last night.  (By the way, my stock has since split and I now own two shares of Disney.  But in spite of this, I shall pull no punches…)

I enjoyed it more this time.  I still found the show quite non-involving, still found myself watching the staging more than the story.  But, perhaps because I went in expecting that, I found more to admire — mainly, the dancing and the art direction.  It may have helped that, this time, my seats were farther back, better situated to watch pageantry instead of people.

But I also found myself thinking about the show a slightly different way, which is to say not as a standalone from the movie.  Back when I was in elementary school, we were taken one year to see a production of The Magic Flute, and we did not attend it cold.  The group putting it on had issued a study guide and, in advance of our field trip, our teacher explained the plot to us, told us who Papageno and Tamino and Pamina were, and even played us some of the score and told us to watch for certain moments, and what they would symbolize.  We were not taking the field trip to see a story but, rather, to see an interesting interpretation of a story we sort-of already knew.  (In this particular case, we wouldn't have had a prayer of grasping one moment of what occurred on stage without all that briefing.  Even with it, we all were frequently lost.)

It dawned on me last evening that The Lion King, to some extent, works on that level as a theatrical production.  The staging tricks do not always serve the story but it's like, so what?  We already know the story.  We can fill in the blanks.  The movie was the study guide, and inherent in this presentation is a presumption that we already know and are familiar with the movie.  (The Broadway production of The Producers seems to make a similar assumption at times.)

Viewed on that basis, I liked the show more this time around, though I still liked Beauty and the Beast more, probably because it was less about the stage trickery.  I do think The Lion King is a worthy effort, if only for its sheer beauty, but I still don't get why Tony Award voters chose it over Ragtime.  Maybe I'm just bitter because, for all its unprecedented success, I still haven't seen that big jump in my Disney stock dividends.  And that means a lot now that my portfolio has doubled.

Three Unrelated Topics

Okay, how many of you had Friday Morning in the Trent Lott Pool?  And does anyone think we've heard the end of this?

I'm getting spoiled by my TiVo.  Watching TV in the hotel room in Vegas, I heard something, wasn't sure I heard what I heard, and grabbed up the remote to back the show up a few seconds so I could hear it again.  Duh.  You can't do that on a live TV broadcast with no TiVo involved, dum-dum.

The very clever Kevin Cunningham has been amusing the 'net for years with his Political Strikes! photo caption cartoons.  Today is his "inside joke day," and we get a mention.  So here's a reciprocal mention of Kevin and his wicked sense of humor.  Always worth checking out.

Ruth Kobart, R.I.P.

Robert Morse and Ruth Kobart in How to Succeed…

Ruth Kobart appeared in the original companies of two of the best (and longest-named) musical comedies that ever appeared on Broadway: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and How to Succeed In Business Without Really Trying.  She also enjoyed a long career in movies and TV shows, including a regular role on Bob Newhart's sitcom, Bob, which is where I got to meet her.  She was delightful and modest, and obviously very serious about the craft of acting.  When I asked her about those two Broadway hits (and she was in others), all she could talk about was the wonderfully-talented folks with whom she got to work.  A lot of us think Ms. Kobart — who passed away last Saturday at the age of 78 — was in that category, as well.  (Here's a link to a longer obit.)

Two Things To Mention…

If you're a fan of Alvin and the Chipmunks and David Seville, you will either love or hate this Flash animation parody of "The Chipmunk Song."  (Thanks to Marc Wielage for the referral.)

The January issue of MAD (now on sale) features a section of Christmas carol song parodies by Frank Jacobs.  Everyone knows how good Mort Drucker (who draws a spoof of Analyze That) and Sergio Whatzisname are, but the magazine's poet laureate, Frank, is still working at the top of his game.

Setting the Record Straight

When Paul Harris reported the Conan O'Brien story (mentioned in the previous item), he was on station DC-101 in Washington.

Taxi Driver

So I'm getting in the cab for the airport when the driver, handling my suitcase, jokes that I must want to go to one of the legal brothels outside of town.  I tell him no, I want to go to American Airlines, which offers many of the same services.  As he hops behind the wheel, he declares, "Yeah, I don't need those places, either," and he then proceeds to spend the entire ride describing to me the incredible sex life he and his "hot" girl friend enjoy — ten-hour marathons involving every conceivable position and orifice.  He meticulously details several and the more I try to change the subject, the more it refuses to change.  I realize that the brothel line is probably one he must use with every lone male passenger, so he can then segue to the topic he's determined to gab about.

He laments that he doesn't have his usual photos of his "volcanic chick" (that was the term) along to show me, but assures me she is a ringer for Sheena Easton.  "You seen her lately?" he asks.  I tell him no, which is a mistake, for he begins trying to catch up with other cabs that display advertising signs for Sheena Easton's show.  This is so I can see just how hot Sheena — and therefore, his girl friend — are.

At the end of the ride, as I'm paying the fare, he's upset that we never caught a glimpse of Ms. Easton.  "I wanted to show you what my lady looks like," he says.  I assure him that there'll be a Sheena Easton billboard somewhere in the airport and that I'll pause to study it so I can, indirectly, fathom how unbelievably hot the Volcanic Chick is.

Just then, a cab pulls up with a big picture of Sheryl Crow on it and — so help me — the cabbie says, "Well, my girl friend looks a lot like her, too."