Be afraid. Be very afraid. I've been cooking lately. And that's scary because I belong in a kitchen the way Soldier of Fortune magazine belongs on Rosie O'Donnell's coffee table. I have the ability to combine five very tasty ingredients into a dish, the taste of which is indistinguishable from sweat socks, fresh from the dryer. About the only things I can manage are chicken breasts and the occasional turkey breast — that's right, I'm a Breast Man — both of which I usually nuke in my George Foreman Home Rotisserie. They have two models. I bought the smaller of the two, loved it and went ahead and purchased the larger.
The larger turned out to be clunkier and less efficient, so I went back to the smaller one and with it, I employ two secret weapons. One is Love's Barbecue Sauce. As mentioned elsewhere on this site, the Love's restaurant chain is not what it used to be. Only a few remain open, all far from me and (apparently) far from their old excellence. Fortunately, they haven't changed the sauce and I was able to connect with an exec from the company who sold me a case of it. And when I don't feel like the taste of Love's, I've had good luck with the products of the Soy Vay company, especially their garlicky Chinese Marinade. Soy Vay puts forth a small line of sauces, all strictly Kosher and without MSG, and I pick 'em up at Trader Joe's. Give 'em a try…but if you do, keep the following in mind: You're taking cooking advice from a guy who could make Kobe Beef taste like last year's Odor Eaters.