Daniel Klos sent me this…
Following up on your recent Jim Backus posting, you said that you briefly met him at a party. I'm assuming it was a party with other show biz folks? For those of us who have never been (and likely never will go) to a Hollywood party, what are they like? Are they like a networking event in other industries? I'm guessing that there are usually people there of varying levels of fame.
Do people get starstruck at these parties? Or do most people check their egos at the door? Particularly for someone like you who grew up in Los Angeles and were regularly around people that most of us would consider celebrities of varying degrees (e.g., meeting Jerry Lewis at the dentist; living next door to an actress on The Andy Griffith Show; meeting Richard Chamberlain at a neighbor's house; working for Jack Kirby as a teenager). Have you ever gotten starstruck?
First off, as a kid, I "met" (if you can call it that) Jerry Lewis for about twenty seconds at my pediatrician's office, not my dentist's. I was seven, he was pretty rude and as I think back on things, maybe that encounter was the reason that I was pretty shy around celebrities when I was young. And now that I think about the previous sentence, maybe it wasn't that I was shy around celebrities so much as that I was shy around strangers in general.
I remember — and this was after the Jerry encounter — my mother and I ran into Frances Bavier in a Newberry's five-and-dime shop. She was, of course, the lady who played Aunt Bee on The Andy Griffith Show and my mother said hello to her and told her we were next-door neighbors to her co-star on that series, Betty Lynn. Ms. Bavier couldn't have been nicer but for some reason, I was as afraid of her the way you'd be afraid of Godzilla. But then I was that way around strangers who weren't on TV, too.
Eventually, I outgrew most of that and I got over a big speed bump, vis-à-vis celebs the day I met Groucho Marx. At that age, he might have been the biggest star (to me, at least) I could have met then…and the fact that I didn't make a total and utter fool of myself gave me confidence in that area. As I mentioned in another piece on this blog, not long before Stan Laurel died, I turned down an opportunity to go to his apartment for a visit. What stopped me? A deep fear that I'd make a total and complete fool of myself…and be reminded of that every time I watched a Laurel & Hardy movie for the rest of my life.
"Show Biz Parties" — there has to be a better name for them than that — are pretty much like any parties. In the early seventies, my main lady friend was a physical education instructor and we went to a lot of parties involving her friends, mainly from the places she worked. As with any parties anywhere, it's a little awkward for me to be in someone else's home with many people I just plain don't know and with whom I may not share any common interests. A lot of those parties were indistinguishable from what you call a "Hollywood party" with, sometimes, one or both of these two exceptions…
One is that if you're around people who are on TV or famous at that level, you have to deal with the issue of recognition. A few years ago at a party, I fell into a conversation with a lady and it was a very pleasant, friendly, funny conversation. We hadn't been introduced and about ten minutes into the chat, I stopped and said, "Oh, I should introduce myself. My name is Mark Evanier and you are…?"
She said "Anita Gillette" and I was embarrassed because I knew that was. I'd seen her on the stage, thought she was wonderful and it somehow didn't occur to me that evening that the woman I was talking with — the one who looked and sounded exactly like Anita Gillette — was Anita Gillette. She was very sweet about the non-recognition but I still felt a bit ashamed of myself. That kind of thing never happened at the parties where my girl friend who taught Phys. Ed. was introducing me to other folks who taught Phys. Ed.
The other difference in parties full of folks "in the industry" (as some say) is what you asked about "networking." This is best explained by my umpteenth recycling of my one story about Betty White. It appears on this blog with only slightly less frequency than the story about Mel Tormé and the Christmas carolers and the notices of where Frank Ferrante is next appearing…
Some years ago, I was at a party full of Hollywood-type people and I was introduced to Betty White. Told that I was the producer of The Garfield Show, she instantly said to me, "Why haven't I been on The Garfield Show?" I smiled and said, "Because you're on everything else!" I don't think any TV actor at whatever age she was then has ever been in more demand than Betty White was at the time.
We wound up talking about other things and parting. Then a little later, she came up to me and said, "I hope you know I was only half-serious when I asked you, 'Why haven't I been on The Garfield Show.'" I said, "I assumed as much but just out of curiosity…what about the other half? You're on like twenty-seven TV shows these days. We pay scale to all our guest stars. If I did want to hire you, are you even available? And are you available for that money?"
She thought for a second and said, "No, I guess I'm not. The money wouldn't matter all that much but I just don't really have the time." Then she asked me, "Do you have any experience with feral cats?"
I told her about the small herd of them I feed in my backyard. She said, "Well, then maybe you're aware of this. Looking for food is hardwired into most feral cats. Their lives revolve around finding the next meal so even if you feed one and she stuffs herself, a minute later, she's thinking, 'Where is food? Where do I find food?' They can't help themselves. I'm afraid most actors are like that. Even when they have a job, they're thinking, 'Where is my next one?'"
"When we were doing The Golden Girls, there was a point where we were picked-up for two more seasons and I had all these other things I was doing. I was turning down offer after offer because I just didn't have the time open. And still, there were moments when a little voice in me was wondering, 'What are you going to do when this ends?' Actors…at times, we're all like feral cats!"
A party full of industry people can sometimes have that Feral Cat Factor. I'm especially conscious of it during those periods in my life when I have a position that someone who's not working might think can lead to them working. Not always…maybe not even most of the time…but sometimes, it can add an uncomfy subtext to the interactions. As I mentioned here recently, I leave parties when too many people have had too many cocktails. I've also left because of this.
Those two exceptions aside, "Show Biz Parties" — at least the ones I've been to — aren't much different from any parties someone in another line of work might attend. One of the first things I learned about the entertainment field is that there ain't nearly as much glamour on the inside as folks on the outside assume. Or if there is, it's at parties to which I am not invited.
