Well, it's sort of about Marvin. He's in it, anyway. But first, it's about the kind of agent who gives that profession the reputation of a Zika-carrying mosquito, only lower.
I used to write and voice direct the CBS Saturday morning animated series, Garfield and Friends. It was one of the best jobs I ever had, in part because once we started getting decent ratings, I was granted a lot of power and control. I had a great relationship with Jim Davis, creator and controller of The Cat. I also had a great relationship with the folks over at the network.
The second of these is the impressive one. Everyone who's worked with Jim for any length of time has had a good relationship with him. A good relationship with the execs at a major television network…ah, that's not so common. Basically though, I could write whatever I wanted — within reason. And I could cast any actor I wanted to have do voices — within budget. We had a set fee we paid our guest actors and only a few people I tried to hire were not fine with that amount.
This gave me the opportunity to engage actors whose work I'd always loved and many of those actors had appeared in my favorite movie, It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Elsewhere on this blog, you will only find a few billion places where I express my fondness for this film. Among the thespians who appeared in Mad World and who also did at least one episode of Garfield and Friends were Jonathan Winters, Buddy Hackett, Stan Freberg, Arnold Stang, Don Knotts, Lennie Weinrib, Jesse White…and Marvin Kaplan. As our story begins, I had yet to hire Marvin, though I certainly intended to. I just hadn't gotten around yet to writing an episode with a Marvin Kaplan type character in it.
I had, however, just written a script with a role for another actor who had a small part in Mad World. For the purposes of this story, he shall remain nameless. I found out who his agent was, called the man, explained what we wanted and when we wanted him and what we paid. The agent tried to dicker with me over the money but I stopped him. I said, "This is what we pay for this kind of role and it's been fine with dozens of other actors over the years we've been on the air. I'm afraid it's Take It or Leave It. I'm not empowered to go any higher."
The agent called his client, then called me back and they accepted. Something seemed a bit odd to me about the agent's attitude so after we hung up, I faxed him a memo confirming our agreement. It stated the amount we'd be paying, the name of the studio where we were recording and its address, the call time, etc. We would be recording the following Tuesday.
I assumed everything was set. I assumed wrongly.
Monday evening at 6:05 PM, the agent called me and said, "I believe you wanted my client tomorrow at 9 AM. Let's firm up what you're paying him." I looked at the clock, saw what time it was and knew exactly what was happening.
I said, "We're paying him the amount you and I agreed upon, which is the same amount I put down in the fax I sent you shortly after our last phone conversation." The agent denied ever receiving a fax from me and denied that he'd agreed to any dollar figure. If we didn't settle on one now, his client was not showing up the next morning at nine.
If you haven't figured out the 6:05 part yet, allow me to explain: Agencies close at various times but most are closed by 6:00. He was hoping that it was too late for me to call another agency and book someone else. He was further hoping that not having someone to play that role at 9 AM would screw up my recording session and cause me enough problems that I'd agree there and then to a higher amount.
I told him what the job paid. He told me that amount was an insult to his client, who never worked for that kind of money. I named some actors who were much bigger stars than his client who'd been on the show working for that money. He told me his client was a much bigger star than any of them, which was not even close to true. He told me what I'd have to pay to have his client there the next morning. I told him I wasn't permitted to pay above the price I'd cited and I said, "If your client doesn't work for that kind of money, he doesn't work for that kind of money. I'll go find someone who does." End of call.
This was not all that gutsy on my part. I knew a dozen actors well enough that I could call them at home if I couldn't reach their agents just then. I could also rearrange the schedule for the next day's recording session and move the 9 AM episode to later in the day. That would give me time to call another agency in the morning and book someone else to be there in the afternoon.
But I didn't have to do that because I immediately phoned Paul Doherty, the man I considered the best, smartest voiceover agent in the business. It was 6:15 and Paul was still in his office. His secretary had left so he answered his phone himself. "An agent with a lot less ethics than you have just tried to pull the 6:05 PM trick on me," I told him. He knew exactly what I was talking about. "Who have you got who might not be working tomorrow morning?"
Paul read off a list of about ten names and I probably could have hired any of them…but when he got to Marvin Kaplan, I decided he was perfect. Paul knew what we paid and had the integrity to abide by an oral agreement…so when he said, "Great. I'll have Marvin there at nine," I knew Marvin would be there at nine. Actually, he was there at eight but I'll get to that. First, I have to tell you that at 6:25 PM that same evening, the agent for the other guy in Mad World — the one who didn't work for what we paid — called me back.
He said, "I've got to apologize. I looked next to the fax machine and I found the fax you sent the other day. It must've fallen out of the machine and behind the stand, and on it, you did specify the amount. My client never works for this kind of money but I just talked it over with him and we both feel that, since there was this confusion and part of it was my fault for not noticing the fax earlier and calling you, we should make an exception this one time."
I said, "That's very decent of you but you don't need to make that sacrifice. I've already booked someone else. Please tell your client I very much admire his work and I'm sorry we won't be working together." The agent did not sound happy.
Now as I mentioned in the obit on Marvin, he had a lot of trouble with his eyes. He showed up at the recording session an hour early, hoping that he could get his script and study it so that he wouldn't make too many mistakes. One of the marks of a true professional is that he or she does everything possible to not cause problems for their employers and co-workers, and Marvin was very much a professional. In fact, he was a professional with a big magnifying glass with which he hoped to go over the script we would give him.
The problem was that I wasn't there at 8 AM. No one was except our producer Bob Nesler who had piles of the nine scripts we'd be recording that day. Marvin asked him if he could have a copy of the script he was in…and since Bob didn't know which one that was, he gave Marvin a stack containing all nine. Marvin reportedly reacted in horror to all that paper. Then he scurried off and found an empty office in the studio and began reading them all, trying to find the Marvin Kaplan role.
A little before nine, I arrived for the session and all the other actors strolled in. By 9:05, we had everyone but Marvin. I knew he was a pro so I decided to wait for him, rather than start on some other script. When he hadn't shown at 9:15, I called his agency and a junior agent there told me he'd been given the proper call time and it was quite unlike Marvin to be late.
At 9:30, I told Nesler I'd decided to start on some other script since Marvin Kaplan was late. He said, "Oh, Marvin's not late. He was here at eight o'clock."
I quickly searched the studio and found Marvin sitting at a desk in an empty office, looking panicky as he paged through script after script with his magnifying glass, trying to learn every part that might have been his. I greeted him and showed him which role it was and he said, "Oh, I was afraid of that. That character has an awful lot of lines and I don't see very well and…"
I pulled out a script I'd printed out just for him. It had VERY LARGE TYPE and I asked him, "Will this help?"
He flipped through it, gave me a big grin and said, "Mr. DeMille…I'm ready for my close-up."
We recorded that script in the usual amount of time. Marvin took two or three takes for a few lines but not many. His first reading was almost always perfect and I was kinda glad that the other guy had uncast himself the way he did.
Hey, wanna see it? You'll have to hurry because I'm linking to an egregious copyright violation and at this very moment, lawyers are probably doing whatever it is one does to get something yanked from YouTube. But if it's still there, you can enjoy Marvin Kaplan in the title role of "Angel Puss"…
Wasn't he great? If his voice hadn't been so distinctive, I wouldn't have felt I had to wait a while before hiring him again to play a different character.
There's actually more to this story but it doesn't involve Marvin. A few days after the recording session, the agent for the actor who didn't work for what we paid called and told me his client would work for what we paid. "He really likes your show and wants to be a part of it," said the agent.
I didn't know if the client was complicit in the last minute extortion or if it was just the agent trying to up his commission money and show off for the actor. I decided to give the actor the benefit of the doubt. After all, he was good at what he did and he was in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. So I said, "I don't have anything now but the next time I write a role that I think suits him, I'll give you a call."
Some months later, I did. I called the agent, reminded him of the fee we paid and we made a verbal deal. I faxed him another memo and this time, he phoned me back to acknowledge receipt and to say his client would be in the proper place at the proper time. You can probably guess what happened when my phone rang at 6:05 PM — of all times! — the night before that recording session.
This time, it was: "There was some misunderstanding between my client and me. I know I agreed to the money and I thought he had…but I just called to remind him of the call time and he asked me what the job paid. When I told him, he said, 'I won't do it. That's less than I've ever gotten before!' and…well, I think I can get him to show up if you could just give me a little help in the money department here. Just a 50% bump, that's all. That's still way less than he got for a job last week…"
I said, "Let me put you on hold for a minute." I put him on hold, called Paul Doherty and asked him who he had who was available the next day. Paul said, "How about Buddy Hackett? He was in here a half-hour ago asking me to get him more animation work." I said I'd take him and then I went back to the non-ethical agent and told him, "Your client is off the hook. I just booked Buddy Hackett for the money your guy won't work for. You know Buddy Hackett. The guy who's on with Johnny Carson tonight and who's headlining at Caesars Palace in Vegas starting Friday? Bye!"
And of course, Buddy Hackett was fine. He was a very funny man and he even told me and the rest of the cast and crew a number of great dirty jokes. He was also a much bigger star than the sleazy agent's client, plus Buddy was one of the major stars of It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, as opposed to the guy he replaced on our show, who was a bit player in the film. I think that alone makes the end of this whole story just about perfect.