Sleep Talking

Arianna Huffington is making the rounds of the news cycle lately hawking a book that urges everyone to get a good eight hours of sleep every night. I'm not sure how she became an expert on this topic but Ms. Huffington — and I mean this with a certain amount of admiration — always struck me as an expert primarily in exploiting issues for personal profit. She first came to prominence as one of those attractive right-wing ladies denouncing Liberals, then did a sudden one-eighty and became one of those she'd previously denounced.

This may be unfair but it felt back then that she looked at the then-current players of that game, realized she could never out-Coulter Ann Coulter and spotted a vacancy on the other side that could be filled to great success. Since I think most pundits would switch teams if the money and attention seemed right, I can't fault her too much for that…and she does seem to be a smart, clever lady, even if her greatest accomplishment has been to make zillions off others blogging for free.

She's even figured out how to get publicity for her sleep book by riding the Trump Express, telling the world that in her opinion, Trump's odder behaviors may be because he exhibits all the signs of being sleep-deprived. I think he exhibits all the signs of being morality-deprived and fact-deprived but maybe we're both right.

What I've heard of her sleep advice though just ain't gonna work for me. Eight hours a night? Every night? Sorry, no can do. Once every few weeks, my body seems to demand that but I usually average about five. I've gotten by often on four. Even when I consciously decide to sleep more than usual, I wake up when I wake up and that's it, my mind so active I couldn't get back to sleep if you played me three hours of Al Gore speeches. There's always something I have to get up and write…and though I turn over and try to plunge back into dreamland, I instead lie there writing it, whatever it is, in my head.

At some point, I get that feeling that I have it "right" (or as right as I'm going to get it) and then it seems silly not to get up, traipse down the hall to my office and write it out before I forget it and have to start over. And of course once I'm here, there's e-mail to read and answer, websites I need to check for news and updates, etc.

I also have the problem of Sleep Apnea, particularly the fact that I don't breathe well through my mouth when lying down. The C-Pap unit I sleep with forces air into my nose all night, making my breathing quite regular and restful but every so often, my nostrils clog for no visible reason and I awaken. I have to sit up just to breathe properly and wait for them to unclog before lying down again. So I amble in here to the computer and by the time they do open up, I'm even more wide awake and involved in writing something.

This does not seem to be harming my health. At least, my body doesn't seem to be asking for more sack time and I'm a big believer in listening to one's body and not doing anything just because some supposed expert says it would be good for me. A lot of that flows from my many food allergies. I've spent much of my life having people tell me I need to eat certain things that, experience has shown me, do very, very bad things to my health.

What I've found — and I'm not suggesting this is good advice for anyone but me — is that I don't get restful sleep if I feel like I'm late on deadlines or neglecting work which needs to be done. Eight hours of lying there with that dangling over my mind will be a lot less restful than five after I get the thing written…or at least get it to the point where I know I can finish it easily in the morning. A lot of things I write are the kind of projects where it takes me, say, nine hours to write it…and that means six hours on the first third and three on the remainder. Once you solve the problems up front and establish the flow and form, the end is easy. Or at least, easier. I need to get to that point before I break for bed — and completely finishing it is even better.

Arianna's advice may be sound for some people…though if I see her on one more talk show this week telling us to get eight hours, I'll be firmly convinced she ain't getting eight hours.